host family lied to me

[anotherbiscuit100]

Hello, not sure if this is the right place to seek advice on this issue but thought it was worth a shot.
I am 19 years old from UK and currently in my first au pair job abroad for a month which I found on aupair world. Skyped the family a few times beforehand, spoke to both parents and their kids (DD 14 and DS 8 - I am there primarily for DS) and everything seemed to be completely fine.

I arrived a few days ago, host parents are lovely and very welcoming and generous. However, the 8 y.o boy... I noticed his behaviour is completely out of hand. Shouting at other kids, pushing little girls out of the way in the park, etc. On my second night here he bit a five year old child in the play area of a restaurant, parents were there and removed him from play area but other than that demonstrated no consequences or punishment.

He doesn't listen to a word I tell him, due to the language barrier between us. I am supposed to be here to 'improve his english' but he is not interested whatsoever and only shouts over me or says 'no' and walks away when i try to get him to use english words. Two days into the job and his mum tells me he has severe ADHD and has a helper at school etc, and that was the reason they got an au pair because he cannot attend summer camps with other children due to his behaviour.

I feel so frustrated and betrayed that they (deliberately) withheld this information from me because they thought it would make it more difficult to find a willing au pair. The language barrier makes it even harder - he really needs someone who can speak to him in his language in order to make communication easier. I feel so sorry for him as it is not his fault and he doesn't understand. All I can say to him when he acts up in public is "No" or "Stop" so i am constantly telling him off without being able to explain why and I feel so bad. However I am most angry at the parents for putting me in this position and failing to disclose his disability in advance.

Do I have a right to feel this way about the situation?? It is so exhausting and I am miserable.

They should have been up front with you. Are you just there for a month or is it year long?

I think you have a right to turn around and go home! As a parent of two DC’s with special needs, I have never and would never ask anyone to take care of them without explaining their needs - these parents are completely out of order not to disclose his ADHD. If you want an ‘excuse’ to leave, you could say you’re not experienced/qualified to work with SEN children and don’t feel able to manage his care appropriately.

I think plainandsimple is right.

Of course you should go home OP, you shouldn’t have to deal with that.

Travel round for a bit and then come home.

They are entirely out of line. Go home.

another vote for you to go home. it's really out of order to with hold such an important piece of information!

I don’t know how au pair world works but is there any kind of agency involvement that you can discuss this with? They have used the service fraudulently and have put their son at risk as he could have been put in the care of someone totally unqualified to meet his needs. As well as you leaving I think you need to take any steps you can to make sure they don’t just get someone else and put them in the same position.

Go home.

Which country are you in, or would you rather not say?
Are the parents both at work in the day?

@Plainandsimple Agreed.

DD has severe ADHD. I would not expect nor want anyone without experience.

I'd go home too. This situation isn't fair on either of you.

Gosh that sounds impossible, you poor thing. I second the above, just cut your losses and go home

Contact the agency and explain what's happened, they should be made aware so that if the host family uses them again they can ensure disclosure.

Also - go home! Or find a new au pair role, there are often short notice posts available.

It’s not fair on either you or the boy, go home ASAP

Can you find another job op? Don't stay in a situation like that.

They should have told you. It's not fair on you or the child.
If you're miserable,go home and make sure the parents know why. You have every right to be angry. They've wasted your time and money.You could have found a more suitable job if they had been honest with you.

I think you have a right to go home too, but in the meantime you could learn today several simple sentences to communicate more than stop and no. If you posted about that others would have great suggestions, and ask the host mum who bloody well should devote a couple of evening hours to helping you with this, explaining activities that work well with him and things to say. To get you through a few days.

Come home

You sound so mature and caring - it’s such a disgrace that the parents did not disclose full information to you. I would say to them that you feel unable to meet his needs due to non disclosure.

Not at all appropriate for you to be in charge of him. Tell them and go home. They should pay your fare and a month's salary for wasting your time. Tell the agency now.

This happened to me and I went home after four days. In my case, the mother hadn’t even bothered to tell me that she had a daughter as well who was six. As I was leaving, the child, who was nine, was in the bath and the mother was filling it entirely with cans of coca-cola.

Is au pair world an agency or a listings site?

If an agency see if they can find you another job, otherwise go home.

They need an experienced childminder and they know it, they’re simply trying to get childcare on the cheap.

@SavoyCabbage a Coca-Cola bath? Please explain.

I would leave. ASAP. You have been well and truely conned.
Is there a feedbacl mechanism on Au Pair world. You ought to ensure no one else is treated the same way.
This is despicable on their part.

Wot Plainandsimple and others said, absolutely get yourself out of there.

It's really, really unfair on you, you owe this family nothing.