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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Food

58 replies

Pistachiolover · 21/02/2019 21:00

I have had my live in nanny for over a year looking after my toddler son. We order delivery of food from Sainsbury and putting in her food bill for her and my son used to be about £70 a week. However in the past few months it’s increased to about £120 a week which I thought was quite a lot. Her explanation is that my son is eating a lot more (I haven’t noticed an increase in his appetite). This increase in food coincided with the arrival of a new boyfriend on the scene and her sleeping over at his place most nights. So she started handing us the receipts of food she buys when she doesn’t stay at home.

Last week in addition to the usual Sainsbury delivery order, she has given us receipts for an additional £150 of food that she has bought and eaten. This seems to me to be unreasonable as she’s buying things like wine (surely I shouldn’t have to pay for alcohol?).

How much is reasonable for food? Is there a better way to deal with this. This situation is very annoying for me as it’s obvious that these receipts are her boyfriends shopping not just hers so I’m effectively paying for him as well.

[Edited by MNHQ to remove identifying information for the OP]

OP posts:

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EssentialHummus · 21/02/2019 21:02

I think you need to agree a reasonable maximum.

babysharkah · 21/02/2019 21:04

That's ludicrous. What does your contract say have you agreed to pay for all her food even when she's not living in?!

RicStar · 21/02/2019 21:07

I don't know what your contract says - I would think that she can eat freely at your home food you buy in - in practice perhaps and agreed shopping list / budget but I don't think you need to pay for out of the home food - I would normally expect that to be her choice as would alcohol / treat food.

NuffSaidSam · 21/02/2019 21:10

It sounds like she's taking the mick tbh!

It does depend in part on how well you're paying her - if it's well below average then it would be fair that you compensate with increased food payments.

Generally, you should provide all 'normal' food. So that's 21 meals a week, plus reasonable snacks (maybe 2 a day for argument's sake) and tea/coffee/juice. I would say one cheapish bottle of wine a week would be reasonable as well (if she ate with you and you had a glass of wine, I'd expect her to be offered one to, so it's the same thing really). You're not required to pay for any takeaways or meals out, excess alcohol or any caviar.

If the system isn't working anymore, agree a weekly food budget and just give her cash and let her but her own food.

Original poster

Pistachiolover · 21/02/2019 22:14

Thanks for all your comments.

@babysharkah - our contract doesn’t say anything about when she’s not living in as I hadn’t anticipated her “living out” when I hired a live in nanny.

She never eats with us (even though I tell her she’s welcome to). She doesn’t even eat with my son (perhaps occasionally breakfast).

We never stop her eating anything in our home (she actually gives us a shopping list of food to order for her and my son each week)

@nuffsaidsam - we had her yearly annual review recently and I checked to see what live in pay was like to make sure she was getting at least market rates (she is in fact getting above market rates).

OP posts:

NuffSaidSam · 21/02/2019 22:38

In that case there is no need to be overly genourous with food budget.

Work out what you think is reasonable and give her cash. It's up to her what she buys and where.

She's always living in though. She's not living out when she stays somewhere else. The deal is you offer a reduced wage plus somewhere to live and all meals. That's the case no matter where she is sleeping. Think of the money you're saving on the electricity/gas/water bill now she's using someone else's amenities!

Lamentations · 22/02/2019 10:58

You shouldn't be paying for her and her boyfriend to eat nice meals with wine at his house. That's her choice as you've already paid for her food at yours. She's taking advantage.

PCohle · 22/02/2019 11:28

I think the idea with a live in nanny is that you add a few extra bits to (generously) supplement the family shop for her. Not that you fund the entire luxury food bill for 2 adults living in separate accommodation.

Are you happy with her otherwise?

roses2 · 22/02/2019 11:59

This is a tough one. Whilst she is with her boyfriend every night, the intent was that you wanted a live in nanny because it offers flexibility over a live out nanny (in addition to reduced cost for you).

Is the relationship still offering the same flexibility as when she was living with you and sleeping in the house every night?

Personally I would offer the money that I was originally spending on her food when she lived in as that is what you had budgeted when you hired her.

Time for a sit down to talk about expectations I think.

user1483387154 · 22/02/2019 12:05

You do not pay for alcohol, meals out (unless with the children and is pre agreed) or take aways. It covers her basic weekly shop that is iy.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 22/02/2019 13:24

Jist give her cash - what you spent per one person in your family. She sounds cheeky as hell - alcohol?

PotteringAlong · 22/02/2019 13:28

As an aside, £70 a week Is what a spend on food for me, DH and 3 DC’s. If you’re spending £70 just for her and 1 child, + an extra £150 that’s a ludicrous sum of money.

Smoggle · 22/02/2019 13:29

I would say you provide food at your house, and maybe you pay for meals out during work eg if she and your son have lunch at soft play.

Paying for her to eat out or shop for her boyfriend's house is bizarre, I've never heard such an arrangement.

Zebedee88 · 22/02/2019 13:33

I'm a live in nanny, been with the same family for 10 years. I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with the family. In my contract they are meant to provide food for the meals when I am working, within reason. If it's the weekend or I'm going out for dinner then I do not charge them for my food. You are paying a ridiculous amount for food. I do the weekly shop and for 3 adults and 3 children we generally spend upto £180.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 22/02/2019 15:07

I’m really surprised you hdn’t agreed on an amount that you’ll be spending on her food.

Original poster

Pistachiolover · 22/02/2019 15:31

I agree that it seems a ludicrous amount to be spent supposedly for just her food - with the receipts she’s giving me. Even the amount I am ordering for her and my son seems like a lot to me so it was good to be able to compare what others are spending. This is why I came on here as I wanted to hear others thoughts in case I was being unreasonable. Note - I always pay for her meals if she’s out at soft play with my son and they eat lunch together.

I will have a chat with her and see what happens. She is generally fine as a nanny - positive and negative incidents. I’m guessing this isn’t a disciplinary event (though if she’s buying food for her boyfriend then could it be, given she’s lying to us?). If we just wanted to move on, given she’s been employed for less than a year, would giving her notice suffice? Is there anything else I need to think about?

OP posts:

PCohle · 22/02/2019 15:37

If she's been employed for less than two years then you can sack her for any non-discriminatory reason. You will just need to give her the contractually agreed notice.

The fact that she is, very likely, being dishonest would be a huge issue for me. If you are trusting someone with your child you need to be able to trust them implicitly. Plus, as others have mentioned, you are not getting the benefits of a live in nanny if she's not actually living with you.

Smoggle · 22/02/2019 15:44

Yes, you just give (or pay) her notice.

I have had au pairs rather than nannies, but we provided 3 meals a day (eat breakfast and lunch with the children eg toast, cereal, sandwiches, pasta, family dinners that I planned a week in advance). If they didn't want to eat dinner with us or at weekends they could cook for themselves from whatever was in the kitchen. Obviously helped themselves to any drinks & snacks.
Any requests for particular food, I would put on the shopping order.
The only receipts I accepted were for occasional meals and snacks out while working, but wherever possible they would take food from home.
If they wanted to eat out or wanted wine or chocolates they bought it themselves!

Eating with the children, eating the same meals was a requirement for me.

Original poster

Pistachiolover · 22/02/2019 16:15

@drinkfeckarsegirls - this is the first time I’ve hired a nanny. I did not realize you needed to agree an amount. Would you do that verbally or does it need to be in the contract?

I assumed she would be reasonable. It’s someone who is looking after my child and living in my house who I depend and rely on. I didn’t think she would take advantage of us.

OP posts:

RestingBitchFaced · 22/02/2019 16:25

How can she be a live-in nanny if she's not there most nights? Fair enough that your paying for her food in the house, or at softplay or similar with your son, but she is taking advantage with meals out. Sounds like you are paying for her boyfriend too

roses2 · 22/02/2019 16:32

Can you not distinguish from the receipt whether the quantity she is buying is for one person?

Why on earth would her boyfriend buy his food separately? That wouldn't even make any sense!

anniehm · 22/02/2019 16:43

Look at your contract but reasonably it should only be food eaten with your son (our) or on the premises, for 1 adult and 1 child around £50 a week is a lot not including toiletries, nappies etc. Certainly it's unreasonable to submit receipts for alcohol ever, and if she chosen to eat at his, no you should not be paying

Original poster

Pistachiolover · 22/02/2019 17:12

She was hired as a live in nanny. Her finish time is 7:30pm so I figured whatever she wanted to do during her off hours was up to her - so if she wanted to go out then that was fine.

We had used the standard contracut provided by the payroll company. It mentions petty cash but nothing specific to food provided.

Loookign at the receipts - it looks like a lot of food. The other reason I think it’s not hers alone so the time stamp - it’s during the day most of the time when she is at work (and located where the boyfriend lives not where we live). I’m just thinking she may try to say that she gets him to buy her food for her but that doesn’t add up to me as we’ve obviously bought her food for her with our weekly shop (for which she has given us a shopping list) so why does she need him to buy this food at midday? Also, as @roses2 said, surely the boyfriend is not shopping separately for himself and for her.

@PCohle - I agree with you - it’s the dishonesty that is the biggest issue for me.

OP posts:

rumptifizzer · 22/02/2019 17:12

Live in nanny = provide food for her to eat in. IMO she should be having meals with your son anyway. What she chooses to eat when she is out and not working is not your responsibility. She's taking the piss.

rumptifizzer · 22/02/2019 17:14

Also, what is she doing with the boyfriend when she is working and looking after your son? I'd have a frank chat with her. He may be putting pressure on her but either way I'd be getting rid. Without trust there's nothing especially when it comes to DC x

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