Food

[Pistachiolover]

I have had my live in nanny for over a year looking after my toddler son. We order delivery of food from Sainsbury and putting in her food bill for her and my son used to be about £70 a week. However in the past few months it’s increased to about £120 a week which I thought was quite a lot. Her explanation is that my son is eating a lot more (I haven’t noticed an increase in his appetite). This increase in food coincided with the arrival of a new boyfriend on the scene and her sleeping over at his place most nights. So she started handing us the receipts of food she buys when she doesn’t stay at home.

Last week in addition to the usual Sainsbury delivery order, she has given us receipts for an additional £150 of food that she has bought and eaten. This seems to me to be unreasonable as she’s buying things like wine (surely I shouldn’t have to pay for alcohol?).

How much is reasonable for food? Is there a better way to deal with this. This situation is very annoying for me as it’s obvious that these receipts are her boyfriends shopping not just hers so I’m effectively paying for him as well.

[Edited by MNHQ to remove identifying information for the OP]

She obviously thinks you are a soft touch and decided to try it on or maybe it was the boyfriends idea - is he a new boyfriend?

You either need to sit down and talk about it if you do like her and let her know what her limit is or show her the door. It all depends on how strongly you feel about getting rid and also about having to go through the process of getting a new minder.

'She was hired as a live in nanny. Her finish time is 7:30pm so I figured whatever she wanted to do during her off hours was up to her - so if she wanted to go out then that was fine.'

This is exactly right. Some people on this thread have misunderstood what the term 'live-in' nanny means. She isn't not a live in nanny because she goes out a lot! Or stays the night somewhere else.

A live-in nanny is a normal nanny, working normal, set hours (usually slightly longer than a live out nanny), who in return for reduced pay gets food and accommodation provided. It's like an au pair, but with a qualified nanny. If she is at work for her contracted hours then she is fulfilling her role as a live-in nanny. What she does after work or on the weekend is up to her.

As part of a live in agreement you fund all her normal meals (or not depending on your contract) wherever they may be. A sandwich is a sandwich she's doesn't have to eat that sandwich inside the four walls of the op's house for it to be a legitimate sandwich!!

She is however clearly taking the piss. Have a meeting, tell her you buying her food clearly isn't working now she is out so much so you will give her X amount a week and she can buy her own food from that. Give her what you would spend for one person for a week.

Our weekly Ocado shop comes to around £120 and that does 2 adults and 2 teenagers for the week, including packed lunches. Your nanny is taking the piss!

A sandwich is a sandwich she's doesn't have to eat that sandwich inside the four walls of the op's house for it to be a legitimate sandwich!!
It doesn't have to be eaten in the house, but it should be made from food in the OP's kitchen, and during working hours eaten with the children.

Submitting receipts for any food or drink purchases isn't normal. Eating food provided by the employer at their home is.

'Submitting receipts for any food or drink purchases isn't normal. Eating food provided by the employer at their home is.'

Both are normal actually depending on the arrangement. It's perfectly fine for the OP to give the nanny cash for her to buy her own food.

The excessive food/stuff for the boyfriend is wrong, obviously I'm not disagreeing there.

But the actual food for the nanny is fine either way. A bowl of cereal is a bowl of cereal. If the nanny wants to eat her allotted bowl of cereal somewhere other than the OP's kitchen, that's fine. The issue is the excess, not where the nanny is eating it.

'and during working hours eaten with the children'

But outside of working hours? She can eat where she wants surely?

Woah she is being very cheeky and you are being soft

Draw a line on this NOW

Personally she should be eating with your child- for me part of the nanny role is to model healthy and good manners and that includes sharing meals

So our nanny cooks for and with the kids when she is on duty and shares those meals with them. I expect to be buying more to include her in those meals. I also buy stuff she particularly likes so she can supplement this and also have snacks. She gives me a receipt for their food if they eat out during day trips and soft play etc and uses the petty cash.
She is welcome at weekends to us any food in the kitchen to prepare a meal or to make a sarnie to take with her plus snacks on the usual crisps.
If she chooses to go and eat with a friend or her b’friend then she uses her own money.
She has asked if she can cook for a friend or partner at home before now on a Friday night or whatever and that’s cool too but I don’t buy her food to take out and cook elsewhere.

£70 just for one adult and a child a week is far Too much anyway really given I assume it’s not completely separate from the family food so you get some economies of scale.

And giving receipts for her weekend food is bonkers and you really need to stop this now and draw a line

You are being a huge soft touch and she is taking advantage of you

Sure, she can eat where she wants but that doesn't mean buy whatever she wants and expect the OP to pay.

'Sure, she can eat where she wants but that doesn't mean buy whatever she wants and expect the OP to pay.'

Absolutely. I 100% agree that she's taking the piss with the amount. But the principle of wanting a box of cornflakes at her boyfriends house because that's where she eats breakfast is fine. The cornflakes are cronflakes regardless of whose kitchen they're in. The problem is she's currently buying two boxes of cornflakes, one for her and one for the boyfriend. That is unacceptable. One box, for her, fine.

*cornflakes, not cronflakes!!

I wouldn't be happy buying food for someone else's house. If you want free cornflakes eat them at home, if you want breakfast with your boyfriend then you or he pays.

I also think there is an element of "cutting your cloth" that is not going on here.

Many people would like to live on lobster and steak from Waitrose and M&S but actually buy chicken and veg at Tesco because they have to be budget conscious. It sounds like the nanny thinks "food included" = buy whatever you like and your employer has to pay for it.

I don't think it's unreasonable to think that a live in nanny forms part of your household and members of your household eat in your house. Sure, fund lunch if she's out with your kids, but if she's out for a Valentine's Day dinner with her BF you don't owe her half the cost of the meal.

Every nanny I've had has understood that implicitly.

'I wouldn't be happy buying food for someone else's house.'

Why? Surely, that's just controlling. Why does it matter to you where she eats her cornflakes? It's not costing you any more than it would if she ate them at your house. It can't be a financial concern. It's just control?

'If you want free cornflakes eat them at home'

They're not 'free'. They make up part of her wages. She takes reduced payment in exchange for food. The OP isn't paying her a live out wage and then giving her free food! It's not a perk. It's what she's entitled to under the terms of the contract (normal food for herself that is, not the boyfriend or any excess/luxury food, we agree on that!).

Part of the wage is bed and board provided in the employer's home - I wouldn't fund meals out or shopping for a friend's house anymore than I would fund a hotel if she wanted to go away for the weekend.

A hotel would cost more. A meal in a restaurant costs more. I see why you wouldn't do that.

I don't understand why normal, basic food can't be eaten elsewhere.

If she requested a box of cornflakes in the weekly shop and then carried them back and forth each day to the boyfriends house would that be ok? Because they live during the day in your cupboard? Or if she just packaged up a little Tupperware bowl one portion at a time?? It's ridiculous. If she can have a box of cornflakes, she can keep them where she likes at absolutely no extra cost to you.

But it is costing the OP more when the nanny doesn't eat at home. Because she is taking the piss and feeding her boyfriend and then claiming all the food was only for her.

She's not buying a box of cornflakes though, is she? She's spending £150 on food and wine.

A simple understanding that food is provided at home solves the issue.

'But it is costing the OP more when the nanny doesn't eat at home. Because she is taking the piss and feeding her boyfriend and then claiming all the food was only for her'

Yes!! And we all absolutely agree that is unreasonable and needs to stop.

The disagreement seems to be whether the nanny can elect to eat her (normal amount of) food elsewhere or not.

If the OP gives her a set amount of cash, she can buy and eat what she wants where she wants at no extra cost to the OP.

She's fiddling her xpenses isn't she, is she being coerced or trying to buy affection from bf? Expect her to eat lunch with your child and breakfast if that's part of her timetable. Give her allowance for dinner and days off.
A nanny is nothing like an au pair, they are trained professionals, could be left in sole charge, work all night if that's what you agree. They are paid a wage, less their keep, like hotel or other live in workers.
An au pair is a helper under your close supervision, they get pocket money.

It's ridiculous to feed your live in nanny when she is out and about. Food and lodging covered at home, but if she chooses to stay elsewhere she should cover the cost.

If you are feeling very generous then I'd give her a small live out food allowance.

I think she's massively taking advantage of you, and sees you as a cash cow.

So live in nannies eat meals out and pass receipts on to their employers? What a confusing grey area!

I would have assumed that nanny would have to pay for all meals she ate out (excluding those she ate out with the family). If nanny chooses to eat out a lot then surely that comes from her own pocket. If she is eating very little at home now then you may have to renegotiate a meal allowance but I don't think this should be receipts, just a set amount.

'She's not buying a box of cornflakes though, is she? She's spending £150 on food and wine.'

And that is unreasonable. I've said many times on this thread. We don't disagree on this.

The nanny is currently taking the piss. Without question. I agree 100% with you. Entirely. Total agreement.

That's not the same thing as what you're saying, which is she must eat all food from the kitchen. She can't be given a budget and allowed to eat elsewhere.

Just agreeing she now gets a set allowance seems pretty dismissive of the fact she has effectively been stealing from the OP though.

An allowance is a good idea should the OP employ another nanny in the future but it seems a very light touch way of addressing expenses fraud.

The OP could give her a budget/increase her wage to cover food if she wanted. I wouldn't.

'So live in nannies eat meals out and pass receipts on to their employers? What a confusing grey area!'

I must say I've never come across this system before either. It's generally the nanny eats from the family kitchen or the nanny gets a set food budget and shops for herself (in cases like this where the nanny is away a lot or where the live-in accommodation has a separate kitchen).