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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Nanny issues / how to be reasonable...

12 replies

ComberBird33 · 21/01/2019 13:04

Looking for advice on how to deal with a few nanny related issues. Nanny great with kids and they love her but she doesn’t have a lot of common sense on quite a few practical things around the house and generally is a bit of ‘sensitive’ soul to some degree hence the questions

Here are the things I would like advice on - she lives in

she does her laundry at the weekends and leaves in the kitchen as do me and my husband and there is no room to move,
she uses the tumble drier a lot and we don’t at all. The radiators are on enough not to need to. She says it’s because she only has one set of sheets / there are many available,
at weekends she is often hanging around in the kitchen when we are having family meals. We don’t get to do this much during the week. - in fact I never eat with the kids except Friday dinner and there she is on my chair with my kids and I try to be reasonable but it’s just adding to the list ( the list being her black hair is everywhere including all over her bathroom and cleaner has complained, it’s blocked her basin, she’s ruined the windows by not drying after showering (flooding bedroom below) she blocked the kitchen drain growing coffee grounds down the sink and never pays for anything herself but takes anything she wants from the cupboards)

My hackles are really up at the moment as she doesn’t seem to have a clue that what she is doing is irritated or she is digging her heels in - despite being ‘delicate’ about allergies/light/bees/getting the tube/ needing two showers a day .... she is very clear on her hours/pay etc .....

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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knittedjest · 21/01/2019 13:18

A lot of what you say is contradictory. You don't want her laundry out with yours and your husbands but you don't want her to use your dryer. You don't want her to take what she wants from the cupboards but you want her to take what she wants from the cupboards when it suits you (sheets etc).

If she eats with the children during the week it makes sense she is going to eat at those times on the weekends. Grow up and sit in another chair.

It really sounds like a live-in is not for you. She's not the help. All traces of her can't just disappear when you decide you want them to.

Original poster

ComberBird33 · 21/01/2019 13:26

Hello - not sure it’s so contradictory. She tumble dries her sheets and towels and everything else she puts in the kitchen on an airer. She is home all week so not sure why she doesn’t just do her stuff when she is doing stuff for the kids. Me and husband are out working. She knows there are spare sheets and towels she has access to. She has her own large bathroom with a heated floor and access to many large radiators but chooses to put all in kitchen. There simply isn’t enough space for 6 people and two laundry racks. I do let her sit at my chair at the table but it just offends me that she can’t see the significance / I feel she is taking over and not being very comsiderate.

OP posts:

Mookatron · 21/01/2019 13:29

'She is home all week..' 'Me and husband are out working..'

She is working all week. Looking after your kids. Maybe she thought you'd be annoyed you were paying her to do her own personal admin.

LKRJM · 21/01/2019 13:34

Have you asked her to wash and they dry upstairs? Have you specifically gave her another sheet? Ask her to try and do it in the week. Lots of people use weekends as their washing days etc as they’re less busy, that’s when she obviously finds the time as in the week I’m presuming she’s with the kids. Maybe she thinks you’ll take that as she’s doing her cleaning and the kids are not priority.

To be honest sounds like a lot of small issues you can correct. ‘Could you just clean round after a shower, this is annoying me a bit... hair... windows.. etc’. ‘This weekend do you mind making yourself scarce as we would really love to just have some family time’

jessstan2 · 21/01/2019 14:02

Well It doesn't take long to put a wash on so you could suggest she do her laundry in the week so as not to inconvenience you.

I don't know what you expect her to eat at weekends or where to eat it unless you make her bedroom into a nice bedsitter with a little table and chairs, 'to give her independence'. Does she not have a social life?

She has her own bathroom so you have no need to go in there.

It sounds a very awkward situation but the girl is not a stranger to you, she's part of your household. Maybe, as suggested above, a live in nanny is not for you.

MyDcAreMarvel · 21/01/2019 14:06

Honestly op the problem is you not your nanny. “ the significance of your chair”

Looneytune253 · 21/01/2019 14:15

I think you either welcome a nanny into your home wholeheartedly or not at all. It sounds like you’re not comfortable with having someone living in as these are relatively minor issues: of course she’s gonna want to do her washing over the weekend. Most people do it when they’re not so busy. When she sits to eat with the children at the weekend that is just being part of the family (surely a good thing). I would mention the wiping down the sills after a shower if it is genuinely leaking through (though that doesn’t sound healthy in itself to be fair) and I’m sure she will sort that out and ask her to keep her own bathroom clean rather than the cleaner.

schopenhauer · 21/01/2019 14:19

Have you spoken to her eg about drying the shower or the washing? Can you buy her an airer and ask that she washes her stuff during the week? Maybe she didn’t want to be doing her stuff in the week as washing for the kids is part of her job but her own washing isn’t....I think you need to communicate better.

Original poster

ComberBird33 · 21/01/2019 15:58

Thanks all - yes I know it’s about comms I just don’t want to offend her as I feel we have had to give quite a lot of feedback.

She has an airer/ we bought her spare sheets etc. We asked her very politely after a huge plumbing and redecorating bill to dry up everywhere and air her bathroom. We have asked on two separate issues around throwing things down the drain that shouldn’t go there and paid for a plumber to fix the first.

the last conversation she was very defensive about.

Hence the request for advice ...

OP posts:

April2020mom · 21/01/2019 16:35

Do you have a contract or not? I also have a live in nanny. Prior to hiring her I drafted a contract and interviewed several possible applicants for the role. Truthfully this sounds like poor communication skills on your part. Broach each subject tactfully and diplomatically.
I’m sure you can sort this out. Maybe you should definitely find another childcare option. How long has she been working for you?

Poodloo · 22/01/2019 22:59

Hi op, could you ask her to do her washing during the week? Make it clear you don't mind her doing the odd thing for herself during work times. I'm a nanny (not live in) and the amount of times I've wished I could just bring my washing along as I work such long hours and it takes no time at all chucking a load in. But by the time I get home from work I'm exhausted and so it all builds up to the weekend. I bet she'd be grateful that you're happy for her to do washing in the week.

The chair thing is a bit odd. She lives at your home, where else should she eat?

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/01/2019 14:39

Sounds like you want your own space

Maybe live in isn’t for you

Did you discuss this at interview - family time - washing and when she can eat at weekends

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