Are we expecting too much of AP?

[anotherdamnname]

Our au pair is sweet and the dcs like her but she just can't seem to stay on top of her responsibilities. I can't tell if we're asking an unfair amount (she's our first AP) or she is just incapable/lazy. She certainly lacks any common sense.

She has to be on duty 8-9am: get 1 dc dressed and walk to school. Then again 3-7pm: pick 1 dc up from school, help with reading, collect other dc (different school), oversee reading and homework, cook simple tea and clear up, get them into bath in time for us getting home, help them get their things ready for next day. Plus the dcs washing but no other housework.

Every day something slips. She struggles to be on duty on time, so we have to call her. Homework gets left at home not put back in bags, or not done. Washing gets done but not put away, or only some things get washed. Things get broken and she doesn't tell us. She let one dc tramp dog poo into the house and left me to clean the shoes. She never tidies except if asked directly, I.e. please put x away. We rarely use our babysitting hours but planned to tonight - I came home early to find dc still up (late), AP was on the phone, but she still hadn't found time to do their reading with them.

We've tried so many ways to help her:
A detailed guidebook we went through at the beginning, have been through again and highlighted areas where she wasn't quite getting it
Several friendly chats about where things were slipping - mostly being on time and laundry.
A week later a cross chat where I made it clear I was annoyed that I had to spend the weekend washing uniforms and bedding (amongst other things)
A one page summary of responsibilities so it's all in one place
A fridge whiteboard with the main tasks (for all of us so it's not singling her out) to tick off daily. Yesterday nothing was ticked off. Sometimes she ticks things without having done them or only half done.

They are not huge things in themselves but they do have big impacts (e.g. missing a train so ending up late for work, DCs having to wear dirty uniform to school, dcs going to bed late so tired in the morning), and it constantly puts us in the position of having to remind her/nag her, and getting irritated.

She's not with us for much longer and it is not really worth looking for someone else early, but can anyone suggest ways to give her (another) kick up the bum? Or do we just need to hugely lower expectations and fill the gaps ourselves?

I think that the timekeeping thing you can absolutely demand.

The morning duty seems OK for an au-pair - getting child ready and walking to school

However when you look at the stuff that she needs to fit into the 3-7 time slot it does seem quite a lot

• collect 2 children from different schools
• oversee 2 lots of different homework
• sort homework bags and get stuff ready for next day
• cook dinner and clear up
• bath children
• do children's washing, hang, put away
• tidy up

Is the au-pair from and English speaking country/have a very high standard of English? If not then she may not feel confident with supervising homework and reading - it is pretty tricky in a different language

How old are the kids? Are they compliant? How long does the school run take?
To me your afternoons sound pretty full on and I am not surprised that things will slip, especially given there are two school runs. Could you take over maybe with homework? What time do you come home? Could you move homework to the morning between 7 and 8? We have an after school nanny and had au pairs in the past but I prefer overseeing homework myself so that I am aware of what the kids have to do at school, know where their gaps are, ensure everything is done.
I would remove homework from the au pair’s duties and see if things improve.

I agree, I think the 3-7 slot seems very busy to me.

I don't think it's reasonable at all to expect her to do laundry as well as childcare in this time. Trying to oversea homework (not in her native language), cook and do laundry simultaneously, all up against the clock is a huge ask. I think you need to lower your expectations.

I don't think you're being unreasonable in your expectations at all.

For the washing, I would just ask her to do it one day (the quietest day, or maybe a day you get home earlier). If its not done during the day, she needs to do it when you get home or at the weekend.

For things like reading books/bedtimes, just whats ap her at the time she needs to do it. So at 5pm..just a reminder you need to do reading book. Babysitting night, please make sure the children are put in bed now.

It does seem a lot. My au pair does everything you have listed except the following (these items alone can take 1-2 hours per day):

• sort homework bags and get stuff ready for next day
• cook dinner and clear up
• do children's washing, hang, put away

Have you tried a detailed schedule? I find this works well with some au pairs (although others have just ignored it)
eg:
7.30am - wake children up
7.35am - put porridge in microwave for 1 minute
8am - gets kids dressed
8.10am - brush teeth
8.30am - toilet then shoes on

etc

Thanks all. DCs are 5 and 8, the 5yo is mostly compliant but the 8yo less so! However she only has the 8yo 5-7pm, not rest of day.
AP has perfect English so that's not a problem. The 5yo doesn't have homework as such, just reading. The 8yo is meant to finish homework at school, just do reading at home, but we ask AP to check and help finish if necessary.
1 school run is 10 mins walk with dc, 5 without. The other is a 2 min drive each way.
If we take out the second lot of reading, does that sound ok? I still feel washing is possible, bung one in in the morning and put away while bath is running?

NB we do have a detailed schedule, it got ignored until we printed it and put on the fridge

Isnt that more a Nannys role?

It sounds an awful lot of work for pocket money.

Also we get home at 7pm, way too late for homework! We can do reading though. DC1 leaves the house at 7.10am too, so no time in mornings either.

Justkeepswimming, which bit is more nanny's role? Or just the amount?
If so which bit should we cut?

Sounds fine.

I’d struggle to do that most days!

When is she supposed to do the washing?
Also cooking tea might be a bit much for a young person not used to it.

I think you expect childcare or chores in a particular time slot but not both.

Good grief at these replies!
That’s a really basic expectation and easily doable plus she has all day to herself and rarely babysits

And I assume gets bed and board and phone etc

She’s lazy and taking the piss

Call her out formally. You’ll be doing her a favour when she starts a job in future.

Wow, such mixed responses! Tbh I though school run, kids homework and tea plus kids washing was normal au pair stuff.
The cooking is all super basic (It's for herself as well as she eats early) - sausages, pasta pesto, microwave baked potato. Also we asked if she could cook so no surprises.
Now it looks like:
8-9: get dc2 dressed and walk to school. Put a wash on.
3-5: collect dc2, do reading and quiet play. Hang washing at same time (It's in same room)
5-7: collect dc1, check homework is complete, if not ask dc to do it (No supervision needed) while tea is on.
Tea then into bath by 7. Washing away and uniform ready while bath running.

If we an AP really can't manage that then we'll accept our expectations are way out and get a nanny!

I couldn't have basically been responsible for 2 children from 8am - 7pm and be responsible for all child related homework/cooking/washing in those hours too as a teenager (not sure I do now tbh... we have activities afer school, washing gets done at the weekend etc.)

Blinking good value if all things child related is basically taken care of all week for pocket money and you just have to do bedtime and weekends. If we had a spare room it would be tempting for the help!

And yes she gets bed, board and use of car. We offered a phone but she didn't want it!

But tbh I really don't know what is a typical expectation. Im feeling relieved I didnt go abroad as one now though as I had been tempted!

8-7pm . Not sure where you got that.
She has 1 child for a total of 3 hours and 2 for the other 2 hours.
If APs can't do that what are they meant to do?

How old is your AP? What is her childcare/housework experience like?

I wouldn't be surprised if she finds it too much to do two tasks at the same time. I probably wouldn't expect her to do bath time either.

When I had an au pair she got dc dressed, breakfast and took them to school.
Did laundry or hoovering while they were at school.
Collected them from school and gave them a snack. Supervised them playing or watching TV.

Just keep in mind that you're getting a teen babysitter - she's watching the children, tidying up etc. Multi-tasking, supervising homework, bath time maybe does require someone with a bit more experience imo.

Is there an after school club somewhere close that will pick up even one of your kids?

Why are they in different schools if both school age?

Do you spend any time with your children yourself? Or do anything for them yourself?

It sounds to me like you need a nanny rather than an au pair.

Do they need bathing every night and does washing need doing every day? Making that adjustment will make life easier.

I would simplify her jobs a bit
Do the school pick ups
Make tea and tidy up after
Get the children to read
Get the children to get their uniform out.

When you get home at 7 you can do children's bath/shower and check older one did his homework.

As for the laundry - could the children go to an after school club one to free up a few hours for that?

It sounds like a lot for a teenager on low pay.