Are we expecting too much of AP?

[anotherdamnname]

Our au pair is sweet and the dcs like her but she just can't seem to stay on top of her responsibilities. I can't tell if we're asking an unfair amount (she's our first AP) or she is just incapable/lazy. She certainly lacks any common sense.

She has to be on duty 8-9am: get 1 dc dressed and walk to school. Then again 3-7pm: pick 1 dc up from school, help with reading, collect other dc (different school), oversee reading and homework, cook simple tea and clear up, get them into bath in time for us getting home, help them get their things ready for next day. Plus the dcs washing but no other housework.

Every day something slips. She struggles to be on duty on time, so we have to call her. Homework gets left at home not put back in bags, or not done. Washing gets done but not put away, or only some things get washed. Things get broken and she doesn't tell us. She let one dc tramp dog poo into the house and left me to clean the shoes. She never tidies except if asked directly, I.e. please put x away. We rarely use our babysitting hours but planned to tonight - I came home early to find dc still up (late), AP was on the phone, but she still hadn't found time to do their reading with them.

We've tried so many ways to help her:
A detailed guidebook we went through at the beginning, have been through again and highlighted areas where she wasn't quite getting it
Several friendly chats about where things were slipping - mostly being on time and laundry.
A week later a cross chat where I made it clear I was annoyed that I had to spend the weekend washing uniforms and bedding (amongst other things)
A one page summary of responsibilities so it's all in one place
A fridge whiteboard with the main tasks (for all of us so it's not singling her out) to tick off daily. Yesterday nothing was ticked off. Sometimes she ticks things without having done them or only half done.

They are not huge things in themselves but they do have big impacts (e.g. missing a train so ending up late for work, DCs having to wear dirty uniform to school, dcs going to bed late so tired in the morning), and it constantly puts us in the position of having to remind her/nag her, and getting irritated.

She's not with us for much longer and it is not really worth looking for someone else early, but can anyone suggest ways to give her (another) kick up the bum? Or do we just need to hugely lower expectations and fill the gaps ourselves?

Milktwosugars that's really mean. Thanks for piling on to my working mother guilt.
I spend alone time with each dc each day. Which is why I don't want to fill it with homework and getting ready for school.
Do you enjoy going online purely to make people feel shit?

Orlande that sounds sensible thank you. Though its too late to do homework really.
Nb she gets them into bath but we get home and finish bath time.

Aren't they a bit old to be in a bath together also

If you need someone who is going to be on top of everything, has common sense, will get homework done etc then definitely look for a nanny/nanny-housekeeper.

Teenage babysitter I would expect someone nice who the kids like, dropped off/collected from school on time and to come home to everyone alive, fed and probably watching TV.

Why are they in different schools if both primary age?

If the other school is close by why can't an after school/daycare club collect them instead of an au pair?

Orlande that makes good sense. A teenager should be able to interact and play with them and keep them safe/happy. But I wouldnt expect multitasking. Or really sole responsibility for the kids and their needs during the week. Picking them up, giving them their tea and playing with them /taking to playdates or activities would be what I imagine. We've had teenage babysitters and they're really lovely but the main thing is they interact with the child, especially if theyre that childs main carer for weekdays.

I think that’s possibly too much work.

All of this doesn’t sound hard but I have to do it myself and it takes me ages, so I know it isn’t as easy as it looks!

Mum2 they got into 2 different schools. We could now move dc1 into dc2s school (the closest) which we are considering, but don't want to disrupt.
After school clubs all full, and don't go late enough.
Interesting you say too old for bath together, never considered that! My dcs love their bath together.

Ok will think of her more like babysitter. I did think laundry and cooking was par for the course though, it says that on all the AP sites.

anotherdamnname - Do I like coming online to make people feel like shit? Well not really, no, but when you're complaining that a young person barely (if at all) out of their teens and being paid pocket money isn't doing enough when they're doing everything child related I think it's kinda called for.

As I said, I think you should be paying for a nanny for what you want.

I had lots of au pairs growing up. They didn’t do nearly as much as you suggest. Collected from school, fed us dinner and kept us company. Agree with those who say it sounds more like a role for a nanny.

Yes - laundry and cooking (well heating really - you're lucky to find an au pair who is a good, confident cook ime), hoovering, running errands are all fine as duties but not at the same time as doing childcare.
People might have a split of say 15 hours a week childcare, 5-10 light housework.

As a parent you might find it easy to do some laundry while also supervising breakfast but a young person with no experience of either in an unfamiliar country/house is just learning the skills to do each of those things let alone both together.

It also takes them a lot longer to do everything - whether that's hoovering or getting children's shoes and coats on and off for multiple school runs - so you have to factor in more time for each task than it would take someone who has had years of practice.

I also think that’s too much work. I have children of similar age and employ a nanny. You can’t expect her to do two school runs, supervise tired grumpy children , nag them to do homework, tidy toys , bath homework and bed as well as laundry. That’s a nanny role. I would have thought tea and supervising play was enough for an au pair with reading homework and laundry.

Light housework is fine but as separate hours, not trying to combine with homework and childcare time. I think that’s the issue rather than any of your individual tasks being unreasonable. I did lots of after school care back in the day, and other than one little girl who would only agree to practice her spelling in the bath, there wasn’t much multitasking. Kids would play quietly(ish) while I made dinner but otherwise I was supposed to be focusing on them.

Thanks all for your advice.
(except milktwosugars. You were mean, and you clearly relish it. Would you ask working fathers if they do anything for their dcs? If you read OP I was genuinely asking for advice. AP has said she is really happy here so we can't have been too awful to her).
We will simplify and reduce her duties so she's not having to do 2 things at once.

Is there any way that laundry could be cut to every second/third day? That might take the pressure off her just now.

Do they need a bath every night? Does washing need to be done every day?

1night bath, other night laundry??

That is a huge amount of work. The after school time slot can be very difficult.

I would definitely prefer a babysitter or au pair not to be multi tasking. As a mum I do it but I can’t give children my full attention. After school can be so difficult so what sounds possible in theory can be impossible with grumpy exhausted children. I don’t expect to get any housework done until they’re in bed. I cook the bare minimum with them around.

Even just buy extra uniforms then

Totally understand the time limits on daycare thats why I'm stuck paying for the most expensive one in my city just because they are flexible

Are you getting a new au pair from the same company?

Maybe try advertising on Fb there are au pair groups on there sometimes

In those hours I would aim for picking up children, keeping them alive and making them tea. Possibly homework / reading but only depending on their moods.

Laundry, tidying up tea and possibly bath time I would expect to be later.

I think 8 and 5 are too old to be sharing a bath as safeguarding goes from 4-7 and the no pants rule and they should be bathed separated or older child introduced to the shower alone

Suggest using a laundary service, and keeping the Au pair’s focus on just the kids. Au pairs don’t earn a lot, many don’t see it as a long term career. In my opinion it’s a service for people who don’t want to pay for a highly qualified nanny.

Really think you need a nanny for the job after she goes.

I think 8 and 5 are too old to be sharing a bath as safeguarding goes from 4-7 and the no pants rule and they should be bathed separated or older child introduced to the shower alone

What does this mean? Safeguarding goes from 4-7 what?