Child persistently bitten

[nickname7890]

Hello

My daughter is 20 moths old. For last 8 weeks she has been bitten 6 times by the same child at the childminder. Twice the skin has been broken. The childminder doesn't even tell us it's happened, and we are left to discover it when my daughter is in the bath.
We have complained And the childminder blames my daughter saying oh that time she took the toy off the biter (she won't tell me who it is but I think it's another girl a bit older) or she said oh your daughter needs to learn to share as that's why she was bitten

When we complained last time she childminder then complained back about my daughter saying she pulled hair and they had to separate her and put her in a room on her own for thirty minutes ( I was shocked - who does that to a child for pushing ?!). My daughter is very energetic but in all play dates or when we go to play centres I have never seen her be troublesome but I'm not in denial about what any child can do.

The issue is - what can they do? I understand kids bite. But seriously there must be something-be vigilant when they are in same room, don't put them next to each other, ensure they speak to the other child's parents, look into counselling the biter? Is there anything else we can do?

we are expecting number 2 in a matter of weeks and I am reluctant to change my daughters childcare so close to a massive change. She smiles when we go in and doesn't cry when I pick her up so I've never seen her being unhappy but what sort of it parent would I be to keep sending her back again and again?

Please advise- I feel they aren't taking it seriously and just blaming my daughter when I do complain. Pushing is one thing- breaking the skin is another

look into counselling the biter. Counselling for a 1 year old?

But seriously, it sounds like the childminder is not supervising properly or dealing with the issue. A 30 minute time out for a 1 year old sounds alarming and extremely cruel - who was supervising your DD during this time?

At the very least she should have told you when your DD has been hurt. Ask childminder what strategies she will put in place to stop it happening again and find out more about the time out.

Find another childminder. This one isn't fit for purpose.

Change childminder - yours sounds rubbish. DS has never bitten nor been bitten - it's not inevitable!

Thanks all

Do you think it's too late /close to my due date to move my daughter ?

Sorry I appreciate I seem ridiculous re the counsellling- I don't know but I think the child is older like 3 years old (I have t been told who it is though!) and maybe she has some anger issues that she needs support with. Child psychology treatment begins so young -if she is biting so much then something must be done surely?

Find another childminder! Now!

If your child is injured (ie bitten!) while there they are supposed to complete an injury form that you then sign! They should be telling you every time!

Also 30 mins time out for such a young child is ridiculous!

I’d remove my child immediately. The childminder is victim blaming, saying your DD isn’t sharing etc. There is NO excuse for biting. They are also failing to tell you when your child is injured and aren’t keeping proper injury records. And isolating a baby (unsupervised!) for 30 minutes as a punishment is disgusting and unacceptable. She needs reporting to the authorities.

I’d also remove immediately. One-off incidents happen, but this is now a pattern, and she’s failing spectacularly to keep your daughter safe. Her not telling you is awful too- she should be completing an incident form.

Find another childminder her responses are shocking!!

Change ASAP

thank you. I just heard back from the childminder who sayd she cannot stop 99% of any acidents and she has 2 biters plus my daughter who is "displaying challenging behaviour" at the moment and pushing every boundary she can to get her own way and does not respond well to discipline or time outs, and that she cannot guarantee that she will not get bitten again.

I dont understand - surely at 20 months "time out" is just not okay? I am at a loss as to what to do. Where we live we previously had her in a nursery which was nearly closed down for not documenting injuries and everyone pulled their children out. Otherwise I can hunt for another childminder I imagine, I just dont know where to send her.

She can't manage children them can she. How many is she looking after at the same time?

Definitely time for a new childminder.

I've been both sides of this having had a biter and a bitee

For both both things I was given a report to say my child had bitten or been bitten.

I would expect for the setting to be very vigilant with a biting child, look out for triggers and monitor them closely to try and head it off as much as possible.

Saying that it does happen and I'd want to be told about it.

Not telling you, and blaming her for it and sitting her in a room for 30 mins seems really crap to me.

I wouldn't move as she's been bitten, but I would be thinking about it for those reasons above.

She sounds completely unprofessional and is clearly not supervising the children otherwise she'd be able to distract and avoid biting from happening.

She is obligated by Ofsted to record any incidents and accidents which occur to any children whilst in her care. She should be discussing these with you on collection and having you sign the incident reports.

Are children just being left to free play without any guidance? It's basic safeguarding failure.

And no way should a 20 month old toddler be given time out full stop. I bet if you were a fly on the wall in her house you'd be horrified.

Take dd out immediately, don't worry about paying notice as she's invalidated her own contract by breaching safeguarding guidelines.

Phone your local childminding development officer or Ofsted and ask for details of any newly registered childminders. They're more likely to have spaces and be aware of recent guidelines.

I'd say a thirty minute time out for a twenty month old is tantamount to child abuse (emotional abuse, neglect). I'd report her to ofsted, personally.

She put your child in a room themselves for 30 minutes
Mine would not be back. That is neglect.

I'd remove my child and report to Ofsted.

thank you.
yes - her text response said that my daughter is not "responding to disciplien or time out"
the issue is that we paid a 1 month deposit.
and i am just going on maternit leave wiht no pay, so i am going to be paying DOUBLE for a month/ losing a subbstantial amount of money if I pull her out immediately, although of COURSE i would do that if its for my childs wellbeing. just to top it off, just had an enormous row with OH as he just said - lets see what they say when we meet the childminder on monday - and want s to go watch TV and not talk about / researh options. im shattered, 36 weeks pregnant working full time and not so worried about my daughter i cant relax. and i dont know where to start in finding alternatives.

when i meet them Monday - shall i ask them to separate my daughter from the other child?
she said she didn tnotice the bite - that is so terrifying as i worry my daughter cried, they thought she was the issue (but it was because she was bitten) and then they "disciplined" my daughter instead by giving her "time out".
she can hardly say two words strung together, let alone undrestand the rationale behind time out

I would remove her immediately and start my maternity leave now.

the issue is

1. i cant start maternity leave now as I have to do a handover at work and i alos need another pay cheque to save money so that i can take maternity leave
2. my daughter had terrible allergies and reflux when born, i got PND and she screamed for 12 hours straight a day until she had adequate care and medicine for her severe allergies, and had to go on a chicken liver diet - extreme I know, but htis was what was recommneded. This is a hereditary condition and I have been warned this next baby may have the same. To have my daughter at home would be very difficult for my daughter, as she would feel so neglected. i need some sort of support to help with her. i just dont know what. im googling childminders - but another childminder, is that a good idea for her? or a nursery? or a "cheap" nanny for 9-4 or something, that can look after her in ths house?

sorry im not trying to say no to all suggesitons - just trying to show that i have considered theese options but its not an easy solution.
i jsut dont know what to do im very teary about this

Realistically you can't send her back to a childminder where she is shut in a room for 30 minutes and bitten repeatedly though. Can your dh take holiday?
If you don't know yet that the new baby will have any issues maybe give yourself a few weeks break before you jump into new childcare arrangements.

I would visit a few places and see what you think, to compare.

It's awful timing but the CM does sound bad tbh.

If you are taking her back Monday I'd make your feelings on the time out very clear.

Realistically she might not be able to keep the child away from your DD in a home setting but if the other child is biting a lot I'd ask what she's doing to monitor them. She needs to watch them constantly it's what I had to do with the biter!

It's often a short phase that quite a few children go through eg my child had 3 bites in 3 weeks then nothing for months.

I don't like the way she is speaking about your child having provoked it, the punishments etc. You've said she isn't particularly difficult at home. Maybe it's just not a good fit for her.

Personally I know it's so stressful but I'd look around at other providers and think about moving her.