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Childcare

Nanny was fuming last night! Kids been badly behaved!!

73 replies

ziopin · 14/06/2007 09:36

I got home last night to see a very stone faced nanny!

My kids (4 & 2) were sat quietly by the table looking very guilty!

My nanny being 32 weeks pregnant was complaining that the children were really badly behaved during the day, not listening to her etc.

My two year old son had been saying that he would hit her (he didn't by the way!) and my daughter (who is going through a real cow stage) would not listen to her in play group.

She was saying that she would not tolerate such behaviour, and was being really mean. I do admit that my kids are no angels, but its difficult to listen to others putting them down!

I completely lost patients within 10 minutes, my kids were crying, and I told nanny to just go home, must admit I was a bit cross but I dont think she realised it.

Later in the evening I read through the daily diary. She wrote dd's behaviour was terrible, we left as she spoilt it for everyone again!

I'm bloody livid!

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jajas · 14/06/2007 09:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OFSTEDoutstanding · 14/06/2007 09:41

When is she due back next ziopin? Can you have a meeting with her before she starts her next shift? I was a nanny while pregnant and it is bloody hard work especially with 2 young ones but having said that I never let my hormones go into overdrive and blame the children for appalling behaviour and say things like spoilt it again. I think you need to have a word with her ASAP. What are you doing for childcare when she goes on maternity leave could you maybe start the new person early to work alongside her so her work load is not quite as demanding.
Just as an after thought the children I nannied for went quite naughty just before they knew I was leaving to have my baby as they were jealous and worried I wasn't coming back, though having said that I looked after them for 10 years so maybe that is a bit different

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OFSTEDoutstanding · 14/06/2007 09:42

I should've added that the nanny isprobably feeling quite emotional at the thought of leaving your lo's so go easy on her it sounds like the poor girl is exhausted already

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fifilou · 14/06/2007 09:44

hold on a minute- this is sooooooooo unproffessional ot strop around because youve had a bad day (the nanny i mean)

This isnt what you want to hear after a busy day, or any day come to think of it. What is she a nanny or a mouse?

As a nanny myself, i often have 'bad' days when the children play up a little, but i handle it, i get on with it, i certainly dont moan and moody about it to the parents.(unless of course its something for seroius discussion)

on the other side of thingsm shes probably feeling really tired and her hormones are all over the place. She handled it wrong. She should have asked you for a quiet word, and explained today hadnt been that great and would you mind having a little talk to them about their behaviour.

you cant get mad at a 2yr old and 4yr old!

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ziopin · 14/06/2007 09:45

She came back this morning. I've had a long chat with the children about their behaviour, and theyve promised to be good! As soon as she walked through the door her first comment to the children were 'You had better behave today, I'm not putting up with yesterdays behaviour'

Surely this negative approach is bloody wrong!

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morningpaper · 14/06/2007 09:46

Poor Nanny, what an AWFUL job to be doing when you are massively pregnant!

Sounds like it is getting time for her to take a break!

I agree that young children can find the late stages of pregnancy very STRESSFUL - they seem to pick up that there are Big Changes afoot but don't really understand what and why, which is stressful for them.

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GameGirly · 14/06/2007 09:47

To be honest, she's only behaving the way I would towards my own children.

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OFSTEDoutstanding · 14/06/2007 09:49

yes definitely wrong when I nannied I never started the day on a negative no matter how bad a day I had had the day before. She shouldn't have made that comment at all and only bought up yesterday if they start misbehaving today maybe with the comment of 'remember what we discussed yesterday I don't want it repeating thank you ' Do you work from home? is there any way you can keep an ear on today to see
if they really .are mi.sbe.havi.ng .or .if. t.he ....nanny is over reacting

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OFSTEDoutstanding · 14/06/2007 09:49

sorry for typing ds helped!

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fifilou · 14/06/2007 09:49

that comment this morning wasnt great, but its probably played on her mind last night.

Shes obviously very tired and emotional, but this isnt an excuse to behave unproffesionaly.

if I behaved the way i felt on some mornings when ive had no sleep, id be sacked! Its part of the job, put on a brave face, smile, work through it, its what we are paid to do.....

you need to talk things through.

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morningpaper · 14/06/2007 09:50

When is she due to leave?

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nogoes · 14/06/2007 09:51

She does sound very negative at the moment and if I was in your shoes I would not be impressed. However she is 32 weeks pregnant and I think I went a bit loopy at this stage, thankfully I didn't work with children but I had zero patience with people at work.

I would have a chat with her tell her that you understand what it is like etc but also diplomatically point out that the children are picking up on the tension and it may be the reason for their change of behaviour. It may also be that your children are anxious because they realise that she will going soon and they may need extra reassurance.

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GameGirly · 14/06/2007 09:55

She's fat, hormonal and uncomfortable and 'tis very warm out there at the moment! I certainly agree she shouldn't have started on a negative, but don't blame her for being fed up.
Perhaps the reason I go to work and let someone else look after them all day is because I sometimes behave like this!!

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NannyClaire · 14/06/2007 10:07

I'm with fifilou... being a nanny is a delicate balance of the parent's wishes when it comes to discipline, and knowing what constitutes real bad behaviour in children.

A 2 year old does not come up with a "campaign" to "ruin something" - not repeatedly, with malice. I try to take every incidence of bad behaviour in it's own context - are they tired that day? Has something happened that may cause them to act in a different way to normal? It's very rare that a child will behave in a way directly designed to annoy adults unless they genuinely dislike something that's happening to them (or so I'd like to think!). Coming at it from the angle that children are completely capable of being little {insert expletive of choice here}s there is usually an issue about them feeling like their opinion is not being heard. Some things are non-negotiable (sorry chuck, you do have to go to school / wash your hair / stop hitting that other little boy) and they will have to deal with it, but it doesn't mean that they don't deserve some dialogue. How would you feel if someone made you do something you didn't like, with no explanation or reasoning!?

I would approach your nanny and have a word about her choice of phrase on this occasion (she sounds exasperated, poor thing - yes, she probably is very tired and stressed during pregnancy) and point out that while you understand that threatening a pregnany lady is completely unacceptable behaviour on your son's part, telling him that in no uncertain terms does not have to result in two stricken children crying at the kitchen table!

Call me naive but I have found it is useful to just use the blunt "STOP!" command, and then waiting til they listen to my reasoning (following it up with, "Now listen, hitting people is NOT OK. If we hit someone, they get hurt and it's NOT nice to hurt other people. You will be punished. You would not like it if someone hurt you.... etc" and don't be afraid to be firm if they are not making eye contact. I have found that useful though my charges (nanny and school/nursery) have been a bit older and can understand, though I think 4 is old enough to grasp that hurting someone else is not desirable behaviour!! I think it gives the children the chance to think about how their behaviour affects others, which teaches consideration. You have to have a lot of patience to put up with being punched every day for two months but believe me it stops when the consequences are made clear to them and you follow through on them! I was so scared of disciplining my first nanny charge at first that I let him get away with hitting me for a good month, gently telling him not to, but I had to say something to his mother and we discussed what she thought would be a suitable conseqence for his hitting.

Maybe your nanny needs a bit of guidance and support so you don't end up fuming, she doesn't feel so angry and stressed, and your kids don't wind up crying because they've been shouted at! Tell her how you'd like her to deal with bad behaviour in future, ask her if she thinks your views are fair and LISTEN to her. You can hopefully come up with something both of you feel comfortable with.

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ziopin · 14/06/2007 10:08

She's due to leave in 5 weeks, her baby is due 3 weeks later.

I'm a teacher, and have not yet sorted out childcare for September! so I really could do with her staying until the end of this term (5 weeks)

She looks after ds 2 mornings and every afternoon, and dd every afternoon. She's paid for the free hours and she's not expected to do any housework, washing, ironing etc.

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fifilou · 14/06/2007 10:14

blimey nanny claire- did you swollow a childcare book?

xx

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NannyClaire · 14/06/2007 10:17

Haha, yeah something like that! Mum was a primary school teacher and I think she's over hippified me

I'm a complete idealist but I got bullied LOADS when I was a kid, and have this ingrained horror of.... unpleasantness.

I dunno shrug I personally get mad when people don't talk to each other, so why would I not apply that reasoning to kids I care for? They're people too!! ;)

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PinkChick · 14/06/2007 10:24

i think she is out of order saying those things and coming back next day with same attitude, BUT i know i couldnt do that job heavily pg, i think you should sort out you c.care sharpish and let her leave early, no point having her like this for next five weeks and im sure she will appreciate the early finish

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fifilou · 14/06/2007 10:30

totally agree.......well done you.

I cant stand it when nanies take out their moods/problems/illness/tiredness on children.

I come to work when im feeling really rough, or really tired ( i suffer with insomnia) but i would never take it out on the children.

If im having a rough day, i will say something like, oh i have a little headache today, shall we all make an extra special effort to be nice to eachother today? ( I always include myself in behaviour rewarding so they see me as their friend not some growling scary older!)

I say things like 'today im going to be really good girl and eat up all of my lunch', this usually follows with fab behaviour reports from my charges 'today im not going to knock down my friends tower at nursery' etc........

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morningpaper · 14/06/2007 10:31

I agree with Pink Chick I think

Have a talk with the nanny

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Eleusis · 14/06/2007 10:41

Your nanny is out of line. That is a terrible opening line for the day. But, as you say, you need her to stay for 5 more weeks.

I think a bit of guidance is in order. I would approach like I am concerned for her because snapping like this is not really your idea of a positive way to start the day and you are concerned for her well being and her baby's well being and just want to make sure she is coping.

Pregnancy is difficult, and running after a 2 and 4 year old in the last trimester is not my idea of fun, but nonetheless, if she is unable to do her job, then she needs to tell you so. This could mean starting maternity leave sooner. Or it could mean nanny biting her tongue. Your 2 and 4 year old should not be expected to understand the difficulties of the last trimester of pregnancy. They have no concept of hormonesand it really is silly to think they are capable of being on there best behaviour for the next 5 weeks. This is just not a realistic expectation for young children.

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Eleusis · 14/06/2007 10:46

I don't think you should sort out alternative childcare until the nanny hands you notice of an amended departure date. I wouldn't assume that she will welcome an opportunity to go on maternity leave sooner. She may well be working as long as she can to maximise her with the baby, and not before the baby. She might need the money.

If she is unable to perform her job due to being pregnant after 36 weeks, then you can force her onto maternity leave, but not before. And, even if this happens, it is only one week sooner than she already plans to go.

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Eleusis · 14/06/2007 10:49

If someone had told me to start my maternity leave sooner (I worked up until a few days before the birth both times), I would have been positively livid.

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fifilou · 14/06/2007 10:52

i agree, you have to tread carefully, I think I wouldnt be best pleased if asked to start my maternity leave early either!

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PinkChick · 14/06/2007 10:54

could you speak to her clear the air then let her have an extra week or so off on full pay?

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