Difficulty with au pair retention

[hibbledibble]

We have had 6 au pairs so so far. They were all recruited on the basis of staying at least a year, and I made this very clear to start of with.

One has stayed a year (and only I think because I held back a portion of her pay to pay as a bonus at the end of the year). The others have ranged from one week (couldn't cope), and 4/5 months.

I don't understand why this is the case. We do everything possible to make our au pairs feel welcome: buy food they like, items/furniture for their room. Pay well (£110/week), and don't have unreasonable expectations with regards to hours. Weekends always free and they can come and go as they please.

My current au pair has just given notice after only being here a few weeks. It's gutting as I just don't know what else I'm going to do. She says it's due to issues at home, but I'm unsure if this is an excuse.

Any ideas what we are doing wrong? We have always hired Spanish au pairs (due to language), and they have been aged 20-30.

I'm not sure if we will go back to having another au pair now. It's not a cheap form of childcare (especially considering what we could rent our spare room out for in London), and it is very stressful with recruiting, and constant need to give direction. The difficulty is that we need early morning childcare when nurseries aren't open.

What hours are yo asking them to work and what duties are you expecting?

How many kids do you have? How many hours do they work? Ask yourself honestly, do you welcome them into your family or view them as hired help?

What hours are you asking for?
How many children, and what's their behaviour like?
I think 6 months is probably more realistic than 12 to be honest, and school leavers/gap yearers with a clear plan (eg learning English for a year for their uni course) are your best bet.

Are your children well behaves? Is your house a bit of a squash? Is it a neighbourhood where they can easily access public transport and a bit of local entertainment? Are you abrupt in yoyr manner or friendly..be honest! Is your dh throwing the glad eye?

I would say you need to be very careful to check that they actually want to be an au pair and aren't just coming over because they can't get a job in their own country because of the economy there.

We have 3 now, but had the same issue when we just had one.

It's 25 hours a week.

I do my best to welcome them: help them enroll in a course, show round the area, set up a bank account etc. We invite them to family celebrations etc.

Duties are only childcare and nursery duties (tidying children's rooms with the children's help and their laundry)

think that's probably true, and I know the economy is terrible in Spain. I try to look for people who genuinely want to work with children.

Is it perhaps the early starts? I think school in Spain doesn't start til 9am, and the typical working day starts lateish. Try a German Au-Pair - we're in Germany and my dds secondary school starts at 7:25am, the kids catch the school bus at 6:40am. DH gets into the office before 7am because he prefers to finish early and isn't the first one in...

Stereotypes are obviously wrong, but make sure you get someone already in the habit of starting work/ study early if you need your Au-Pair to!

Any hints to get your au pairs to stay long?

A family I know have had their au pair for more than 3 years and pay her peanuts. I am jealous they found someone who is willing to stay so long.

cat that's interesting! I never thought of that.

I do agree that genuine gap year students won't want a full year - 9 months may be more realistic, with time to travel before starting whatever they do next.

Of course it could just be a coincidence. But it seems sensible to sit down and have a good think about whether there is anything else you could do to help au pairs settle in. I can’t quite relax until a new au pair has: been out locally by herself, met a friend independently for coffee or lunch, and made a trip into central London by themselves. Once they’ve done all those things I feel they are ‘off’ and ready to live their London life. I also make some effort to set them up: introduce them to another au pair, show them the way to the gym, see that they’re booking language classes. I also try to plan a fun outing somewhere early on, so that I can show them how to use the tube and how easily accessible London is. We often do dinner out in Westfield (which almost all our au pairs have been stunned by) on the first night as a welcome. We do a welcome basket when they arrive, and the girls colour in a big ‘welcome’ sign for the window. My friends are also very good at saying hello at the school gate and getting to know our au pairs. Not saying any of this is the law, I definitely have a stressful first couple of weeks until I feel like I am not responsible all day! But equally being so mindful of how they are also, I hope, helps them settle in.
Are you on good terms with your old au pairs? Could you ask them by email if they could tell you if there was anything that didn’t go well for them?

I think it’s very interesting that the one thing you haven’t mentioned in your list of trying to make them comfortable is how your children behave.

I know a family who can’t keep their au pairs. It’s absolutely no surprise to anyone else.

Gus how long have your au pairs stayed?

We have done all the showing around etc. Our au pairs make friends quickly via Facebook groups, but if they didn't I would have tried to make introductions for them. There are loads of young Spanish people in London, and they had much better social lives than I ever have!

A welcome basket is a nice idea. We have done a welcome teddy bear and chocolate before.

At the school gate a lot of parents don't speak English (given its central London, it's not surprising) so I'm not sure how many say hello to our au pair. Not much I can do about that though!

I haven't thought of emailing our old au pairs.

I'd ask your current one to honestly say why they are leaving.

Also, how old are your kids? Are they a lot to handle?

pink I'm not sure what you mean?

My youngest two are very easy children, it's not just my observation, it's others too.

Eldest can be difficult but I of course back up the au pair if any issues. Our au pair has said that her behaviour isn't the reason for leaving, I have specifically asked about this.

I have asked my current one, she says it's just due to issues at home. I have asked specifically about issues here, and said it there was anything I would resolve it.

God gusthetheatrecat can I come and be your au pair! Sounds amazing

Re pink's question : if the kids are spoilt, entitled etc that might be why you can't keep an au pair.

Not saying yours are, obv

You haven't answered the questions re your children - i.e. how many, ages, behaviour. Is there a reason you've avoided answering this? Surely your children themselves are a key factor in whether an au pair stays or leaves.

Hundred, I just have, see above.

Ages are 1,3 and 7. Minimal time spent with youngest.

How old are your Au pairs and what are they doing before/after Au pairing?

I'm not sure, we've had our current Au pair 2 1/2 years, 2 years before that, 8 months when starting with 6 and then one who stayed 6 months. We do pay more than you in a smaller city. We include them in all our activities and they actually are like part of the family.

I have always made sure they have a childcare qualification, so I know they genuinely like children.

Ours are always included too. Always invited to have dinner with us (but sometimes decline as we eat early by Spanish standards, that fine, we just save them food). We are in central London which is supposedly a desirable location for au pairs.

Hea how much do you pay your au pairs? We deliberately pay just below the ni threshold to avoid needing to do payroll.