Difficulty with au pair retention

[hibbledibble]

We have had 6 au pairs so so far. They were all recruited on the basis of staying at least a year, and I made this very clear to start of with.

One has stayed a year (and only I think because I held back a portion of her pay to pay as a bonus at the end of the year). The others have ranged from one week (couldn't cope), and 4/5 months.

I don't understand why this is the case. We do everything possible to make our au pairs feel welcome: buy food they like, items/furniture for their room. Pay well (£110/week), and don't have unreasonable expectations with regards to hours. Weekends always free and they can come and go as they please.

My current au pair has just given notice after only being here a few weeks. It's gutting as I just don't know what else I'm going to do. She says it's due to issues at home, but I'm unsure if this is an excuse.

Any ideas what we are doing wrong? We have always hired Spanish au pairs (due to language), and they have been aged 20-30.

I'm not sure if we will go back to having another au pair now. It's not a cheap form of childcare (especially considering what we could rent our spare room out for in London), and it is very stressful with recruiting, and constant need to give direction. The difficulty is that we need early morning childcare when nurseries aren't open.

I would have suggested the opposite about childcare qualifications, as would have thought qualified candidates would move onto proper nanny jobs ASAP.

Molly au pairs between 20-30 when starting. Current one 21.

They have had a variety of jobs before starting, quite a few unemployed as I'd common in Spain.

Current one worked with children and wants to be a nursery teacher.

An old friend left an au pair job years ago because of one of the parents, she probably stayed longer than she would have because she adored the dc. So (not to op specifically she sounds lovely ) but it isn’t always the children’s behaviour.

Have you been a stop gap while they wait for a proper job, rather than specifically wanting to come to learn English or as a cultural exchange/gap year?

£130

Well they aren't qualified nannies, they just have some sort of childcare, usually early years post school course but not a degree equivalent.

I should note that only our first one was from Spain, our others have been from English speaking countries looking to travel for a bit before deciding what they want to do / settling down / going back to college.

Surely a childcare qualification is qualified for a nanny?

Well yes, but as in, they didn't train to specifically become nannies. They were more starting out with early years to do teaching.

I see what you mean, but most nannies (if qualified) just have childcare qualifications rather than Norland or similar.

Molly quite possibly. Our first moved on to renting a room and working in London fairly quickly, but she soon moved back home as she realised she was working all hours just to pay rent.

How much do they have to do with has the baby? You say little but I think most au pairs do prefer slightly older children.

Just drop off at grandparents in the morning, I pick up

I think I'm pretty good at retaining au pairs, all our have stayed longer than their initial contract - longest 20 months...You're unlikely to be that unlucky, it must be something.

Things I can think of

Ages of your children - my au pairs would struggle getting a 1,3 and 7 year old out of the house every morning. Also is it a very early start?

Pay seems okay - similar to ours, but maybe most of he other au pairs locally are getting tube passes or gym membership and are looking after less children.

Too much micromanagement - you obviously do need to do it with an au pair, but I find that writing down stuff on their weekly sheet goes down better than asking them verbally.

Maybe its time to try a different nationality? We find that we get on better with Northern Europeans and south Africans.

We had the same difficulty when we had just one child aged 3, so I don't think it's just the number of children.

Looking at other countries is a good suggestion, I have just messaged a Swedish au pair.

Start at 7am.

I do give a written timetable, and list of tasks. I find that a lot of direction is needed though. Saying that with my first I gave her a complete free reign as I was a bit scared of her, she got away with a lot, and still didn't stay long.

You say list of tasks, what does that involv?

Tidying the children's rooms with them, doing their laundry, wiping the kitchen surfaces occasionally etc. Nothing too onerous.

No ironing or proper cleaning.

I would ask the au pairs for an honest response. That many au pairs seems more than bad luck.

I think a lot of young people would struggle with a 7am start so for your new AP I’d specifically ask if this would be a problem

So do they just have a couple of hours work from 7am, then nothing the rest of the day? I suspect they might be bored??

We had Spanish au-pairs for a few years (four stayed a year each, one was an unhappy couple of months). I would observe that the British daily routine does seem to be quite different to what they are used to. Mine used to finish language school at 12 and have school pick up at 3:15 - but would say that the time between wasn't enough to do anything (gym, hobby, second job, some errand they wanted to run etc etc). I think it was something to do with the idea of 'having lunch' being a major part of that time of day, and they found it very culturally odd to have lunch on-the-go and then and early evening dinner.

We've had au pairs for nine years. Seven stayed the full school year. German and French school leavers. Last year's was older and Spanish and the first to leave early. This one is also older and Spanish and we've also had challenges.

I think it is probably luck if the draw as I have friends whose au pairs stayed fir years also fit this profile but I can tell you some things common to both which I think may be contributing. Maybe they will be relevant to you?

This year: climate. It's really getting her down, poor girl. Secondly, our idea of busy and hers are really, really different. The pace is just radically different from where she's grown up (not mainland Spain.)

Last year's au pair was sending money home. She actually left a job in a cafe to come to us and study. I had no idea about her family situation in that regard. I don't know how common this is. It's not why she left but one of the reasons I feel she didn't settle well.

Our previous au pairs were very involved locally (orchestras etc). The Spaniards have been outraged these activities are not free but you pay subs. Our one last year thought she should actually be paid to attend! It has inhibited their engagement with being here.

From what you've said I do think you need to look at the schedule, routine etc or their accommodation which is putting them off.

The other main reason I have seen APs leave early is the role discussed beforehand doesn't match reality when they arrive.

Are you good with time keeping?

My two cents (based on 5 au pairs):

Younger au pairs/school leavers work much better in my experience. They are used to living with a family. Older au pairs can struggle with the lack of independence (our only au pair that left early was 21).

Choose the country of your au pair carefully - if you are wanting early starts then finding someone from e.g. Germany makes sense. Also you will find that many German teenagers do childcare / school camp work in their school holidays, making them ideal au pairs.

Your schedule and routine sound fine, I think that you are just choosing the wrong candidates.

ltgregg it's after-school pick up for the eldest and middle child too.

Ovienna you are right about climate, they have found that difficult.

Fezzik I worried that a young au pair would struggle with 3 children. It is something to consider.

Thanks for mentioning again about the cultural element to early starts, not something I considered before this thread.

I'm just trying to work out what to do. It's particularly gutting that I invested so much time and money into settling this au pair. She broke an expensive piece of equipment through misuse too. I also booked a course for her next month which she obviously won't be attending now. I wouldn't usually mind these costs, but it is really falling given that she is leaving as soon as she is settled.

Au pair arrangement suits us due to the early starts and wrap around nature. It's pretty much impossible to get a nanny to just do mornings and evenings, but I'm not sure if I can take this much anymore.

My au-pairs all stayed long term, the final 2, one was 18 months and one was 2.5 years. On the contrary, I found older girls to be much better and always recruited them over 22. My Aupairs were all Romanian and I found them to be very good with the children as well as being happy to do some housework. Many of them had family or friends already here and joined the Romanian churches where they made friends

Ours have all been French and have generally stayed a year at a time but that was what was initially agreed. One had to leave after a few weeks as she couldn't cope with any time with then 2yo ds and she was only asked to spend an hour or so per day.

The last we asked to leave after 3 months and we aren't going to have au pairs any more but an after school nanny - an employee who works in our home so a nanny but she is a Mum with experience working with kids rather than a formally trained nanny. it's working well so far.

blacktea that's interesting. I looked at French au pairs but was put off by a sense of entitlement from many eg 'only contact me if you meet my list of requirements'. None were willing to work with three children.

A couple of things strike me about this.
As your youngest is only 1, this may be too much responsibility for an au pair, as most are unqualified and not actual nannies. Often they prefer school age children ie 4 plus.
Even if they are at nursery this may still be an issue.
I didn't start with au pairs until my youngest started school and had full time nannies before that. I'm on my third au pair now and all have stayed the full school year or more, even one who originally only agreed to 7 months. They have all been great, but despite this I would not have felt confident in any of them looking after a one year old.

The other comments about the early starts though I do disagree with. Both our Spanish au pairs have had no problem with 7am starts. Have never had to wake anyone up. I leave shortly after 7 so they are on their own!

They all felt much happier once they had developed an active social life of their own. This is vital I think to them staying longer.