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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

P*ssed off with au pair - am I overreacting?

158 replies

Mumpbump · 02/05/2007 10:19

Our au pair didn't come home last night and sent us a text at 23:30 saying she had missed the last train home from London - 45 minutes before the last train left! She was watching the football which finished at 22:30 so there is no real reason for her not to have made it home.

I'm irritated because I feel that we have been very accommodating and helpful to her generally and she has lied to us which is completely "disrespectful". It is not the second or third time she has lied to us, all about silly things. She is meant to be leaving at the end of the month so there is an issue about whether this is a sign of things to come, but do you think it would be unfair to ask her to go sooner in the circumstances? Or am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

She looks after our ds for the whole day on Mondays, but we have someone else lined up to take over anyway. I feel leaving ds in the care of someone who is not honest is questionable, but again wonder if I'm being overprotective...

Any comments welcome! Thanks...

OP posts:

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MrsWobble · 02/05/2007 15:26

and she did let you know she wasn't coming home so you could lock up etc. I think if your relationship has broken down as it appears to have done you're best off calling it a day and agreeing to part company.

it doesn't really matter who did/said what now I think - you don't trust her and she may not want to stay either

ScottishThistle · 02/05/2007 15:27

Mumpbump, she is still not free to stay out without asking you first though so it's the same as having to ask permission.

She knows she's supposed to work on Monday mornings therefore won't want to ask if she can stay out on Sunday nights.

Aloha · 02/05/2007 15:27

I'd certainly lie to my employer if they wanted me to ask permission at the age of 27 to sleep with my boyfriend!

CristinaTheAstonishing · 02/05/2007 15:27

Tell me someone who has never lied to their employer. "Have you done this, Cristina?" "Oh, working on it (as I fumble to get started)."

Original poster

Mumpbump · 02/05/2007 15:28

This happened last night, not on Sunday, so we gave her time off so she could leave early to get up to the football.

OP posts:

ScottishThistle · 02/05/2007 15:28

I wouldn't lie to the Employer I have now because I can do what I want as long as I do my job!

I have lied to previous unreasonable Employers, yes & I'm not dishonest or unreliable!

Original poster

Mumpbump · 02/05/2007 15:29

Can I just say that we have let the boyfriend stay overnight at our house exactly because I (unlike dh) think you have to respect the fact that a 27 year old woman is going to be sexually active.

OP posts:

bossykate · 02/05/2007 15:30

i'm sure i have read many a time on mnet that it is pretty standard to ask a nanny or au pair living in to let the employer know if staying out all night - surely it's just courtesy to prevent worry, ensure the house gets locked up etc?

Original poster

Mumpbump · 02/05/2007 15:30

Scottishthistle, would you text message your employer with such an excuse or would you simply ring and tell them that you were staying out and would be back tomorrow in time to take the child to nursery?

OP posts:

gess · 02/05/2007 15:32

she did let her employer know BK.

ScottishThistle · 02/05/2007 15:32

BK she did call but she told a white lie, that is the issue!

FWIW I don't have men stay over at my work place unless my Bosses are away for the weekend...They respect me, I respect them!

CristinaTheAstonishing · 02/05/2007 15:32

I think I'd send a text rather than phone, especially if I was drunk or giggly or whatever. I understand that saying she'd be on time next morning isn't an option as you don't allow it, you said she'd have to make up for it at the weekend.

gess · 02/05/2007 15:33

MB- but you'v e already said that wouldn't be acceptable- that she wouldn't be taking the child to nursery. Therein lies the problem. She stays out, you relieve her of her duties.

Original poster

Mumpbump · 02/05/2007 15:33

BTW, she didn't call - she text messaged us and we only picked it up this morning.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mumpbump · 02/05/2007 15:34

We relieve her of her duties because she has been unreliable in the past...

OP posts:

gess · 02/05/2007 15:34

well I do all my commicating with my employees by text or email, so I don;t really see the problem. If they're late the first thing I do is check my texts.

ScottishThistle · 02/05/2007 15:35

I would probably text/call (depending on the time) to say I wouldn't be home but would be there in the morning...Staying out all night shouldn't cause a hassle the next morning & if it does then you'll have something to pull her up about.

gess · 02/05/2007 15:36

has she ever been late in the morning? I thought it was at the weekend make up sessions?

ScottishThistle · 02/05/2007 15:36

I wouldn't call my Employers at 11:30pm, they go to bed at 10:30pm!

gess · 02/05/2007 15:38

If you didn;t find trhe text until the nexrt morning and she was home at 7am then presumaby it wasn't much of an issue.

ScottishThistle · 02/05/2007 15:40

It could have been worse, she could have just not bothered texting at all!

Original poster

Mumpbump · 02/05/2007 15:42

Well, this has been quite an interesting thread for me because I get the impression that most people think that this lie was acceptable. Am I correct in thinking that you also think I should continue to trust her with ds?

I guess I avoid lying as a general rule because I feel that if the other person found out, they would never fully trust me again and so expect other people to be equally honest and straight-forward with me, but perhaps that is not the norm.

OP posts:

ScottishThistle · 02/05/2007 15:44

There are lies & LIES!

She wouldn't feel she had to lie if she didn't feel staying out was causing hassle...Can't you understand that?

CristinaTheAstonishing · 02/05/2007 15:45

The lie wasn't acceptable. Neither are your over-controlling working conditions. I think you're rather quits on this one.

ConnieDescending · 02/05/2007 15:46

Oh FGS, she's not telling you in advance because you then say she cant work that day and she has to work the weekend to make up for the time!

If you cant see this, you must be barking.

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