Nanny taking DS to her house without asking

[Chloris33]

Just started with a new nanny. She's not really a professional nanny, but someone I was put in touch with through a contact, interested in doing some nannying as career change later in life. She lives just up the road from us. It's going great so far and my DS is really taking to her. But she has 'stopped by' her house with DS several times, and I'm feeling a bit unsure about this, mostly because the agreement is for her to work at our house. Also her husband works at home & I haven't met him. Today she took DS there as she got wet walking in the rain and needed to change, so her husband played the guitar to DS while she went upstairs and changed. Then DS ate his lunch (in lunchbox) there. I have seen her house as we had an interview there, with a view to her possibly doing the care there in the future, though in the end I decided I wanted DS to be looked after in his own home. I trust her implicitly as a very decent person, and her husband is probably fine, but I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable about today. What do you think?

I think it's a none issue.

You said she is decent and you are looking for her to care for your son in her home in the future so what's the problem?

Well, when I employed her I looked at her DBS certificate and considered her character. (A registered childminder would I think have to have DBS certificates for every adult living in the house). But while her husband is likely, I guess, to be as nice as she is, I haven't met him and he could in theory be anyone. I think perhaps that's what's bothering me. But perhaps I'm worrying too much.

I very rarely but sometimes take my charges to my house if I need to pick something up/drop something off. Once they've had lunch their as closer to 2 activities we were doing rather than the 30 minute walk home.

As long as it was an infrequent visit and for a particular reason I wouldn't mind. Although tbh I never really mentioned it to my boss although sometimes charge would say we went to nanny's house or nanny has this toy at her house.

I'm took my charge to my flat once, I live close by and it was on my way to an activity and I needed to grab my phone charger and used the bathroom.

Seriously I think it's a non issue, she told you what happened and it sounded like the baby had fun.

Any adult left by themselves with your ds should be cbs checked and this should be run by you.
Just mention this in conversation. I wouldn't be worried about her popping home as long as your ds is with her xx

Our first nanny had previously been a foster carer with a bit of nannying experience. She was also a late in life retrainer. It became clear that she would have preferred to have more discretion over her own time and work from her own home, the way a childminder would, than was possible as our employee. She often brought family to our house and did stuff for herself in our time. She left my DC with her daughter too, almost as if she was working as her 'assistant.' All of these things while unprofessional for a nanny were probably in line with what she considered to be normal as a foster parent, if that makes sense.

My point is, she did not find the transition to working for someone and following their rules, in their home, very easy. You might need to consider if this is the direction that things are heading in. I wouldn't overplay the husband's DBS issue TBH. And I wouldn't panic now, but I would think about setting some ground rules so things don't suddenly move in a direction whereby, as happened with us, several months in you take stock and go WTAF???? How did we get here. Becuase it's very hard to resolve at that point.

There is no requirement for a nanny to be DBSed nor there is one for her husband to be DBSed. She was in her house getting changed your child was not left alone with her husband as she was there too. This is a non issue and you are overreacting.

There is no requirement for a nanny to be DBSed nor there is one for her husband to be DBSed. She was in her house getting changed your child was not left alone with her husband as she was there too. This is a non issue and you are overreacting

This!

I don't think you are overreacting. You agreed for this person to look after your child, not her husband. I too would be unhappy about this.

I suggest you raise the matter and ask that it doesn't happen again. If you feel she won't adhere to this, it's time to get a new nanny.

A quick visit, not a big deal as long as your child is in her care, not in the care of someone else - your DS should be in her sight and hearing.

Going regularly would be much more of a issue as whilst there any public liability insurance she has for nannying is probably invalid. Providing care of a regular basis from her home would require registration as a Childminder. A nanny is exempt from compulsory registration (in the UK) due to providing care mainly in the home of the child.

This is where employing a professional nanny comes to head. This lady isn't a qualified nanny

Tho intrigued by you meeting her at here. Is she registered as a cm?

Some nannies do pop home if local /need to pick up a parcel /be in for delivery etc

If it's not every day/week then I wouldn't worry but mention that you like ds at his home rather then yours. Plus the fact her insurance wouldn't cover her

That's if she even has pli?

She told you the truth

Interesting, thanks all. I'm still in two minds a little bit. It isn't occasional, it's every day so far. This week they had lunch at her house both days. No, she's not a registered childminder and of course it's not that I think the husband should get DBS checked. It's just that I didn't expect this situation to crop up since I employed her as a nanny at my house. I was just referencing the fact that childminders do have to get DBS checks for all adult residents of their home because there is a safeguarding issue re. the children coming into contact with other adults.

I don't think it's a big concern, as DS seems happy. And yes, she tells me what they've done, which is good. But I would rather she'd have asked me first, in which case I'd probably have said that I'd rather for now they stay at our house, unless out and about for groups, outings etc... Perhaps I should find a way of bringing it up sensitively. It's a tricky one because things are going well and I don't want it to be awkward...

And thanks btw for explaining law re. needing to be registered childminder if doing more than 2 hours in her home, I didn't realise that. Also insurance issues.

Every day! It needs to stop. You are in charge so tell her that you want her to do lunch at your home.

Ask if there is anything she needs for preparing lunch - perhaps she is not finding food at your home which she will eat (unlikely but you never know).

One off- non issue.

But it's not and also. Her husband should be nowhere near your ds under the circumstances- she is new to you. You've never met dh etc.

Presumably they were left alone while she went up to change. Not on.

I'm a nanny.

If this was me I would want to understand the insurance implications of your DS being at her house.

Having said that, my previous nanny used to take DD to her house occasionally (e.g. if she was waiting in for a plumber or something like that) and I had no problem with it as an occasional one-off.

Her husband also finished work earlier than she did, and used to come to our house once a week and do stories with DD. Again I had no problem with this: I liked the fact that DD had a proper relationship with my nanny and her family - in the end it is a personal relationship and not a purely professional/cold one. My nanny was obviously always around and still responsible for DD's safety and care, but I don't doubt she will have e.g. gone to the kitchen to put the kettle on or unload the dishwasher at times, just as she might do if she had another nanny visiting for a playdate.

Having said that, I did want to know when my DD was at their house, and when my nanny's husband was coming to ours (she would write this in the diary). And I also did want to meet my nanny's husband, given he was going to be part of DD's life.

Why not have a chat with your nanny about all of this, and if you haven't met her husband suggest taking them both for lunch one weekend so that you can meet him? Realistically if you have a nanny your child will be at strangers' houses for play dates and out at venues you haven't visited before for classes/playgroups etc. and so this isn't so very different really? But it's fair for you to want to know what she is doing and with who, and if you aren't comfortable with what is happening then obviously you can say so and come to some arrangement with your nanny as sensible adults as to what is OK and what is not.

At the risk of repeating myself, I really cannot emphasize how hard and awkward it is to reset a nanny relationship like this, when the nanny is doing things primarily for her convenience not yours. You don't get anything from your DC being in her home. These things tend to start small - yes, this is a small thing- and you feel mean complaining about it but can quickly become an accumulation of things that drive you mad. I would honestly knock this on the head, if you'd like her to work for you long term.

Gonna play devil's advocate: left her alone in the company of a strange man?

Nanny here who also lives around the corner from work.
I have brought my charges to my house maybe 5 times in 3 years.
We have popped in for various reasons, a poo that could not wait (potty training child), house is en route to an activity, use my DH's bicycle pump when theirs was packed away during a house move,and each year to have a glance at my Christmas tree. We probably spent a max of 5 minutes in the house each time.
Really unecessary to have lunch at hers! You need to have a discussion with her about this.

I would not leave a young child with my male neighbour. The man sounds lovely, and I am sure he is, but apart from saying a few words and living next to each other, I know nothing about him. I wouldn't leave a young child having a sleep over with someone I barely know.

99% of people are completely fine, thank god. As a parent, I simply would not take the risk that my child meets the (less than) 1% that is not.

I wouldn't be comfortable with my kid spending time with the nanny's husband. Again, no reason to think he's nothing but a lovely man. I just wouldn't like a routine to develop, when they see each other at the house every day, then the nanny runs to the shop leaving her charge with her husband. It's sad to be unable to trust anyone!

Thanks, really helpful replies. Yes, I need to knock it on the head. Will speak to her about it next time.

Why don't you dress up as your child one day and switch places? That way you can see first hand what's going on without them realising you're checking up on them. I'm guessing your child looks a lot like you with you being his/her parent so shouldn't be too difficult to pull off?

I think either you trust your child to her or you don't. If you don't trust her to care and protect your child, you shouldn't be leaving them with her. There are not paedophiles at every corner despite what trash tabloids portray. Most men are good people too and we do our children and our society a great disservice by making the world a fearful and dangerous place.
It's a none problem.

OVienna said it perfectly.

We had exactly the same issue with a former nanny. It started with her dropping in to pick something up and then expanded into every day....the nanny lied about how long she was over there. DD was plonked in front of the TV with some snacks while nanny did her washing! I found out when I came home early one day and pieced it all together.

You're not getting anything from this arrangement. Nor is your son. But she is, and while she enjoys being in her home, you are paying for it. It's very unprofessional and it needs to stop. Good luck with your chat with her.

There are not paedophiles at every corner despite what trash tabloids portray.

No there are not at every corner, but when you read how many posters have been victim of abuse, it's frightening. There are more cases than people realise.