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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

DD doesn't like going to childminders

9 replies

PickledLily · 25/10/2016 14:24

DD is in reception and goes to a childminder some days after school. DD has said from the start that she doesn't like going to this childminder, but I can't get to the bottom of why. I'd hoped it was just a case of settling in, but it's half term and nothing has changed. The childminder is just as puzzled, as well as concerned.

I'd assume it was because she'd rather be at home, but we use a 2nd childminder some days and DD is always really excited to go to childminder 2. DD now doesn't want to go to school on childminder 1 days. It's slightly awkward as childminder 1 is very highly regarded - both my DH and various neighbours have used her for their children for years.

Should I just find another childminder? Any tricks for getting to the bottom of what's upsetting DD2? Childminders are like gold dust around here, so I'm going to struggle - childminder 2 doesn't have availability (which is why we ended up with 2 childminders).

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WitteryTwittery · 25/10/2016 17:16

Do you get diaries from both childminders so you can compare what happens? What sort of food does she eat? How many/what age children does each CM have? What things does she do at each house? It might be something simple like one CM has nicer yoghurt or something so try and figure out what the differences are and go from there!

Original poster

PickledLily · 25/10/2016 19:25

It's pretty much free flow play at both childminders. DD is a very fussy eater but food is similar at both, both have similar numbers of kids, children are slightly older at childminder 1, and DD has said its very noisy there, so it could be that, but I feel like I'm clutching at straws.

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Ziggitypop · 25/10/2016 19:34

Can you not just send her to the childminder she likes all the time?
School plus two different childminders sounds quite a lot.

Original poster

PickledLily · 25/10/2016 19:49

Neither childminder was available for all the days we needed, which is why we have to use 2 childminders. After school club is a possibility, although that is notoriously difficult to get into, and I felt that DD needed a more homely atmosphere as I knew she'd be shattered after school.

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HSMMaCM · 25/10/2016 20:01

Have the two CMs spoken to each other about similarities and differences ? That's what I did when I shared care with another CM.

fluffygal · 25/10/2016 20:03

My children didn't like a childminder. They had a few different ones over the years and this was the first one they didn't like. I had no other options so just brushed it to the side. Then one day my daughter burst into tears and told me the childminder screamed in their faces, and force fed a 2 year old in front of her. My son backed her up and they never went back there again. I reported her but she is still a childminder. They now go to another one and no complaints at all.

My friend had similar, didn't know why her daughter hated the childminder so much. Couple of years later she says its because if she would cry or moan she would have to stay in one room alone and not come out. She was only young and my friend said it was an amazing home, lovely lady etc.
There IS a reason why your daughter doesn't like it there and she may not tell you why now, but one day she will. I would try and get her moved.

suitcaseofdreams · 25/10/2016 20:14

I had a similar situation when my boys started reception. - Outstanding childminder, another child at school also went there and loved it but my two never settled. I could never get to the bottom of it and after two terms I gave up (had the same issue of them not wanting to go to school on childminder days and getting quite upset about it), moved them to after school club and that was that. They were SO much happier at after school club but have never been able to articulate to me why they didn't get on at the childminder...
If you have another option I'd take it and move her...

thisgirlrides · 25/10/2016 20:46

Assuming the childminder isn't awful, I would guess personality clash with another minded child. If they are all older it could be your daughter is being bossed around or can't find her voice at that childminder. I agree about getting the 2 childminders together. I have a similar arrangement with a child & another childminder (we do 2 days each) & I know exactly what the child likes & dislikes about the other setting including friendship issues, activities, food etc.

Original poster

PickledLily · 25/10/2016 21:27

Thank you everyone, that's been really helpful. My gut feel is to move her, but I just don't think that's an option at the moment.

The 2 childminders know each other so I will ask them both. DD is very comfortable around older children and generally stands her ground, but it could be that she is feeling left out.

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