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Original poster

Concerns over a child

17 replies

Ssmum5 · 12/08/2016 20:01

Hi all, I'm writing as I have concerns over a child's welfare. No bashing please
So the situation is as follows. The mother in question has a 2 year old that she currently has full custody of after divorcing the child's father at the beginning of the year. The mother works part time and has always been looked after by the child's grandparents. Recently the mother got into a new relationship. The child has not seen its mother in 2 weeks but has been left with the grandmother. Not down to work but due to going out and away with the new partner. She seems not to care who the child is with. The grandmother said she couldn't take her daughter recently due to work commitments & the mother kicked off, then posted on social media asking for someone to take her daughter over night. The daughter isn't allowed to stay over with her father at the moment due to the mother not liking her ex in laws, where he is living. The father isn't aware of where his daughter is. I am really worried as the child is acting up & is willing to just accept being dumped on anyone. What would you all do in this situation? Tell the mother you are worried........ Or speak with the father. I am close to both parents, really torn as I feel for the little girl.

OP posts:
Missgraeme · 12/08/2016 20:13

The girls dad has a right to know. Years ago my bil's ex was doing this and the ds ended up in care. Nobody told bil his ds was being neglected as she hadn't been keeping to contact order - he hasn't seen his ds for a while - lived some distance away and court hearing was taking ages - ds was killed in a car crash while out with the foster parents. Bil could have fought for custody had he known his ds was at risk.

excessiveparanoidNNchanger · 12/08/2016 20:15

missgraeme that is absolutely horrifying Sad

Original poster
Ssmum5 · 12/08/2016 20:18

Thank you for that. I was thinking that may be the best route personality as he seems the reasonable one currently.

OP posts:
DreamingOfAFullNightsSleep · 12/08/2016 20:18

I'd have to make the father aware. The poor child . Dumping her left rigtmove and centre isn't parenting, so why shouldn't he have her (unless the in laws are abusive) ?!

mossgraeme that is so, so sad.

DeepThought · 12/08/2016 20:19

Look at your local Safeguarding Children Board webpage and follow the steps on the flowchart. Duty SW should be available for phone support out of hours.

DreamingOfAFullNightsSleep · 12/08/2016 20:19

Sorry for all the typos Blush I clearly didn't proof read.

Original poster
Ssmum5 · 12/08/2016 20:23

No the in laws aren't abusive. In fact the fathers mother is a well respected childminder.
I was really struggling with this as the child in question is my niece. The mother is my sister. This is why I say I have a lot more concerns than most.

OP posts:
NickNacks · 12/08/2016 20:26

Are you the child's childcarer? Because this is the board you have posted on and will affect the advice given.

DeepThought · 12/08/2016 20:27

yes I made the mistake of assuming OP is in childcare, rookie error

Original poster
Ssmum5 · 12/08/2016 20:28

I have taken care of the child in question on occasions when my mother is unable to do so

OP posts:
Original poster
Ssmum5 · 12/08/2016 20:29

Apologises if this was the wrong board to post on

OP posts:
DeepThought · 12/08/2016 20:32

I would still go with finding the number of your duty SW and getting RL advice. You say the child's mother has full residence, this doesn't happen often, there may be issues around the father of which you are unaware. What do you think, NickNacks?

kate33 · 12/08/2016 20:32

Are you close to your sister? I agree the child should come first that's a given. I just wondered if there was more to this, it just seems odd to me that you would air this on here before talking to your sister first.

Original poster
Ssmum5 · 12/08/2016 20:45

Very close to her & my mother. I have tried to discuss with her about allowing the father to have more time with his daughter but she won't allow this as his living with his parents.
I'm not aware of any issues she had prior to the divorce, which she states is due to him not supporting her financially. Before this she was fine with her in laws.
I decided to post due to just requiring an outsiders point of view of how to address the situation.
My main concern is that if we couldn't take my niece what if she ended up in a complete strangers care.

OP posts:
HSMMaCM · 13/08/2016 16:29

It's hard to tell from this.

It's ok that she's sharing care with her mother and it's ok to get an overnight baby sitter. Why isn't the father organising access?

I'm guessing there's a lot more to it, so I would also contact social services if you are concerned.

AndNowItsSeven · 13/08/2016 16:32

No I wouldn't contact SS at this point, as you are the child's Bruce can't you offer support help with her.

cansu · 14/08/2016 13:50

I am struggling to see how this is abuse. Child is staying with granny much more than normal. Mother asked on social media for a friend to look after daughter overnight. She may not be the best mother in the world right now but calling ds seems very inappropriate. As a family member you can tell your sister you think she is wrong but anything else makes you sound interfering and trouble causing. Am guessing you don't get on well with your sister.

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