Nanny in need!

[katykay321]

Hello all,
I feel i may be working myself up over nothing but I'm not sure!

I've recently become a nanny for a family with a 11 month old. The baby is pretty good and has a good sleeping routine and eats and drinks really well! My concerns are ... Sometimes Mum will come home early from work and literally sit around the house for the rest of the day making me feel uncomfortable and on edge and it makes the baby very very unsettled and distressed which means my work becomes a lot harder! (She's currently off work all this week, so dreading the rest of the week already).

Secondly which is my biggest concern is she goes on maternity leave next month for baby number 2 and hasn't said what's going to happen when she returns to work, so not sure where I stand. Not only this but her mum (grandma) is coming to stay in the house for the next 2/3 months to help her out.... Which means I'll be working alongside the grandma and the mum, with a newborn baby and the child I currently care for. It all seems a bit overwhelming and today I broke down at the thought of it.

Have I made the right decision taking on this job? Or am I looking too much into it?

I know not all nannies like shared care, but it can work fine (we've had 3 shared care nannies in the past). It is more difficult if they are little, but can you not just go out of the house for some of the time if MB is around?

It is normal for your boss to be around some of the time, she's going to be tired anyway being heavily pregnant, so she will want to spend time in her own house relaxing. Unless you're sitting there watching the TV or on your phone ignoring the baby, there's no need to feel uncomfortable. In the majority of jobs you would have a line manager around, its just something you get used to.

It does seem a bit of overkill having grandma and you and the mum around when she has her new baby, but there could be medical reasons for it? Only you can decide if its the right position for you, but at least with grandma being around for the new babies arrival, you know you won't be leaving her in the lurch if you do decide to leave.

Having said that, if you do take another position with a small baby, it is likely that they will have another child and you will be in the same situation again.

Hi Op I second that!

Sometimes it may feel awkward having MB or anyone around actually but you should start as you mean to go on. Except that they will be around, strike up some conversations. Talk about the news/weather/excitement over baby and baby 2 and find some common ground. You don't have to be best friends but it may make you both feel comfortable. If you are making lunch offer to eat together... She may take you up on it or not, but it's an ice breaker.

If their is an issue of "micro managing" you when at home or contradicting you I front of the child, then that's a separate issue to be discussed. I went from shared to sole charge and then to shared care at my last role. Both parents were at home as well as family dropping in randomly.

I saw it as free time to myself if they had the child and was always a ear shot away.if things got tricky or I wanted to take lo out I would discuss at the beginning of the week and make a schedule.

Have you had much nanny experience? Perhaps you may be suited to a sole charge job for parents who both work. But all parents will want to spend time with their kids if they can, meaning working from home or coming home early. That's a good thing, just be consistent and work the same as if they were there or at work. That's what I do! I've worked with kids for over 16yrs and a nanny for the past 11.

Also discuss any issues about baby 2 you have, they are not mind readers and may presume you are happy to go with the flow.Good luck!

Thank-you, some reassuring words there and things to consider!

My main concern is just the fact when family members are around and not working from home the baby is very aware of this and sleep times and feeding times are particularly hard and she refuses to take anything from me and they step in and take over or over stimulate her just before I'm about to put her down , whereas normally she's absolutely fine! That's my only concern with them being around and as for the grandma , it's something she does for all her grandchildren although she's said she feels she's getting too old and this will be the last time she does it. I just can't help but feel like I'm not needed at times. She's also a very hard character to gel with and very to the point and as this is my first nanny job I was looking for advice. Thank you!

For me, shared care only works when what is expected from both parties is laid out very clearly at the start.

I've had a sole-charge job that became 'shared care' when mum went on maternity leave. I requested that we sit down and have a chat before ML started so we could make sure we were on the same page. We did and it was fine. You may need to take the lead on arranging this. Ask what is going to happen when she goes back to work. Ask when she's planning on going back. Explain that the baby is unsettled with you both here and it makes your job hard. Make a plan that, for example, you go out with the baby in the morning, she stays out the way at home while you feed the baby and put her to sleep and then in the afternoon she spends time with the baby and you do some laundry/make bottles etc.

When my boss was on ML we basically agreed that I would do everything for the older ones, as before and she wouldn't get involved. She was responsible for the newborn. Obviously, there was some flexibility within that, but there was a framework to work round. It meant that all of us knew where we were. The children needed to know who would be taking them to/picking them up from nursery etc. It wouldn't have been fair to them to both be doing everything at all times.

As you have only recently started this job and mb gives birth next month I am very surprised you didn't discuss ml at the interview and when she was planning to go back - she may take a year

She will want to come home early if heavily pregnant and yes children do tend to play up when both nanny and parent there so go out with baby to the park /M&T/ friend etc - which will also give the mum a few hours peace

Talk to her about what her expectations are when she is on ml and her mum about

Yes I think you need to have a chat with her about (1) how she/you want things to work while she is pg and not at work and (2) how things will work when she has had the new baby.

Re (2) I kept my nanny on during a year of mat leave with baby 2 (and also had a maternity nurse for a few weeks ) so quite similar to your "granny living in" situation. Generally for the first 6 months our nanny was in charge of DC1 and I/mat nurse were in charge of DC2 - though we also had regular scheduled times for me to have time with DC1, when our nanny caught up with batch cooking or whatever. For the second 6 months our nanny got more involved with the baby and I had some time off (sleeping as DCs are terrible sleepers) or one to one time with each DC. I know our nanny was worried about it but she said in the end it worked out much better than expected. At the beginning the best approach was for our nanny to take DC1 out as much as possible (this will be much easier for you once DC1 is walking I think) so I could focus on the new baby and sleep when the baby slept.

Regarding the coming home early, I can see this is a tricky situation, but if you are honest and say it is making the baby unsettled then hopefully she will understand. I agree with the suggestion to take the DC out as much as possible, then the mum will get quiet time to rest but will know you will be back for mealtime and she can see her DC then.

Take the baby out more often. Look up local playgroups and classes for September. Surely you knew there might be an issue with 2nd baby due, did you not discuss the prospective changes at interview?