Concerns about childminder

[Misan81]

Hi all! My 17 month old DD has been at her childminder for 4 months and is now settled well. She seems happy there and I'm confident in the cm's abilities etc.

Recently my DD has however started to act as if she's scared when you tell her to stop doing something, but not all the time, just sometimes. Also, today for ex I stubbed my toe so shouted involuntarily and her reaction was to drop her toy and look to the floor as if she had done something bad.

We never shout at home and tell her "NO" in a calm manner.

I'm not sure if I should be concerned? Maybe the CM shouts at her if she does something she shouldn't?

The CM has loads of experience and some kids have been there for years.

Should I be concerned or am I overreacting and seeing things that are not there?

Any advise would be appreciated.

Ooh I'd be concerned too I'm afraid. You MUST listen to your instincts here.

How is she when you drop her off? How is she when you collect and how many times a week is she there? Have you noticed any difference in her generally when you collect her?

Having thought about this a bit more it's a really tricky one because DD isn't old enough to tell you if there IS a problem...ie if the CM is shouting at or scaring the children in her care. :(

It might be hard to get to speak to other parents about her. In your position, honestly I would remove my child and inform Ofsted about it all.

I would not tell the CM why. Other than to explain that you have reason to believe she is not the best person to care for your child.

As parents, we are our children's only and best advocates and we must listen to our instincts...especially when the child is too small to speak up in their own defence.

The behaviours you list are enough to make me at least...think there's something going on. And nobody knows your child like you do.

Yes it's a tricky one. She's been moaning a bit lately when leaving and picking up but that could just come from the feelings of attachment to their parents they have at this age.

Children often get to a stage where any no causes a tantrum, crying or sulking especially if with some carers they get what they want by doing so, this typically starts with the beginning of toddler hood, and what is often called the terrible 2's but starts before then.

Loud voices or you crying out in pain and shouting can cause them to cry as they are not used to it, sometimes too other children can shout in each others faces which can be upsetting.

It is also typically an age where a child becomes attached to someone in particular and doesn't want them to leave so can become clingy, often one parent will say the child no longer likes them as they always want the other and wont accept cuddles etc.

This can all make it very confusing to work out what is going on particularly at around 18 months.

I think you need tohave a general discussion with your cm about how little one is during the day, how they react to other children and adults etc.

Nothing you describe would be abnormal in my 20 years of childcare experience and nothing indicates bad care, either by the cm you or your partner.
I'm amazed someone has suggested leaving without discussing this or reporting my child doesn't like no or loud voices to Ofsted. Have you any real idea that your child is being mistreated? How is she on collection can you arrange to creep in and see her playing I know I have let parents sneak in and watch their LO.

So because you shouted out after stubbing your toe and your child jumped, you think this must be because of the CM and should be concerned?

IMO You have no reason for being concerned about your CM. Your baby's reaction was completely normal to hearing a loud, abrupt shout. Babies are born with only two fears; falling and loud noises.

I really wouldn't worry but if you want a bit of piece of mind, have a chat with CM. Ask how your LO is settling in, how she is through the day and if she's noticed them getting upset at all.

To the poster who suggested reporting to Ofsted - Don't be ridiculous! Report CM for what exactly?

Thanks for your advise Jannier and LouBlue1507. I have no evidence of her being mistreated, it's just that this behaviour has come now all of a sudden with her looking scared when you tell her NO or if you shout involuntarily. She drops her toys and look down like she thinks she's done something/is scared. She didn't used to react that way before. I'm leaning towards that it's part of her development but was wondering if this kind of behaviour is normal.

She's ok at drop of and pick up, sometimes a bit clingy but that is normal at this age I think.

I'll have a chat with the CM thanks for your input I feel a bit more confident now

I agree with having a chat. It could be a phase, it could be another child shouting, or you may be able to tell from the CMs reaction if she has been shouting. Listen to your instincts and see what they tell you.

Surely if this was down to the childminder, your DD would have displayed anxiety right from the start and not just recently. Yet you say your DD is happily settled so it doesn't sound as though there's a problem with the childminder.

By all means discuss this with the childminder so she's aware.

Mattdillonsunderpants: Ofsted have better things to do than deal with frivolous reports encouraged by anonymous posters with an axe to grind.

Another poster who thinks ofsted have nothing better to do than investigate a childminder, this time becasue a child got upset about her parent shouting becasue she had stubbed her toe.

Op, talk to your childminder, ask about disaplining methods she uses, ask about the behaviour in general of the children who attend (not naming, but just in general). It could be another child who is a shouter and maybe one of them is going through a bit of a phase.

You ask if your dd might going through a change in her development and ask if it's normal. It might just be normal for your dd. But being clingy is normal for a little one. Your dd is happy to be left and is happy when you pick her up, so I wouldn't be massively concerned, but it is important you have 100% trust, so talk to your cm and see what she says.

Dd has recently got to a stage like this. He is 18 months and cries if told no eg 'please don't kick mummy in the face' results in tears. Dh shouted at the cat the other day and again dd was inconsolable. It's a developmental stage

Thanks for all your comments. I was also thinking that maybe she's copying other children at the childminder. Maybe they react that way to shouting. Previously my DD only used to look surprised by loud noises. Anyhow, I'm going to see how it goes and have a chat with the CM. Definitely not a case for Ofstead, it's just so difficult to tell if to be concerned or not sometimes.

It is difficult, especially when it's your own child: of course your instincts are to protect her and keep her safe.

I honestly don't think this is down to the childminder, from what you say. Talk to her and I expect she'll be able to reassure you.

I once had an incident and got rid of an au pair based on my non verbal 2 year olds reaction.

Saying that, in a dangerous situation for example maybe the cm shouts for speed of stopping an accident, safety issue type thing. Just a thought and not necessarily a bad thing. At nursery and school teachers would need a quick response in a large class.

It's difficult when they are little.

LOL I have had several children who the word NO can result in an amazing flood of tears part of the terrible 2's and if you rush to cuddle once it happens after you say no and then give in makes your no pretty useless. sounds like LO is testing the boundaries. have that chat with the cm