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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Is this cheeky?

25 replies

ActiviaYoghurt · 30/06/2015 18:36

I have a nanny two days a week, about 18 hours in all. I have known the Nanny for two years, she has been working for us a year, she is nice. My child loves her.

Anyhow she had been doing some adhoc work for another family who live close by, by adhoc I mean a few days in three months. I don't know the family at all, I not even sure of Dh's name or know anything about them but have said hello and cooed over baby when I first saw that they had a baby.

Anyhow a month or so ago they asked Nanny if she look after their child, on a day that we have her, attitude being me that she could just drop the baby around here for the afternoon. Her DD is 12 months, just walking. My DS is 2.5

I felt backed into a corner and reluctantly agreed as a one off, I had to baby proof my house and do mad clean etc something I could have done without doing after massive working day. The child didn't come with any food etc and it meant that nanny was housebound for afternoon as no double buggy and nanny doesn't drive. I wasn't offered a reduction in costs by the nanny. It happened, I wasn't too bothered but when I saw the family in street a week later I spoke to them and mentioned it and got a half arsed thank you. I didn't say anything.

This week they have asked again! If it was a friend I would do this to help out but this mother blanked me yesterday and has made zero effort to get to know me etc It's pissed me off that I look like the bad guy to say no. What do you guys think?

OP posts:

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DonkeyOaty · 30/06/2015 18:39

Er nope, cheeky

They can bugger off and find their own ad hoc care. Grrrr.

glenthebattleostrich · 30/06/2015 18:39

Very cheeky. Definitely say no.

juneybean · 30/06/2015 18:40

Nah, if it was a share and you got reduced costs then fair enough but it's massively taking the piss.

BreadmakerFan · 30/06/2015 18:42

Definitely not on.

A nanny shouldn't be told she/he is taking on more work without being asked if she/he wants too and a boss shouldn't be told their nanny is splitting the care their child gets without a discussion.

LUKYMUM · 30/06/2015 18:44

No way.

Original poster

ActiviaYoghurt · 30/06/2015 18:56

Thanks Ladies.

OP posts:

Original poster

ActiviaYoghurt · 30/06/2015 19:01

Also if you were the mother wouldn't you approach me and ask? Rather than just the Nanny?

The family walks past my front door several times a week.

OP posts:

MrsFogi · 30/06/2015 19:35

You employ (and pay for) a sole care nanny, not a nanny share. If you had wanted a share you would have looked for this/be arranging it now. My answer would be a firm "no" to both the nanny (and family if you can get their details) and make it clear to the nanny you are not interested in being asked about this arrangement with that family in the future. Do you know if your nanny got paid for the other child? If so, she should be reducing her charge to you for that day.

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 30/06/2015 19:40

So if I take another example, which is equivalent. At work I employ several people. They are paid by my company to do the work that my team has to complete. If another company asked them, while on my company's premises, to so some extra work on the side I would most definitely say no way.

Your nanny is your employee. Not someone you pay to randomly look after other children in the manner of a quasi-childminder. I also imagine there are various potential legal implications if their child is injured at your home.

Tell your nanny to say no. I'm surprised she said yes tbh, I imagine it puts her in an odd position in terms of her contract as well.

tootiredtothink · 30/06/2015 19:43

I hope you've said no?

Yes it is cheeky.

MarchEliza · 30/06/2015 19:54

If I was the mother not only would I ask you but I'd want to get to know the person who's house my baby will be in... But my first is only 4 months so maybe that's a bit pfb. It would also be more gracious.

BackforGood · 30/06/2015 20:15

Yes.
I'd like to hope anyone would help out for a 'one off' special event - maybe a funeral or something - or an emergency, but if they want regular childcare they need to arrange it, and approach the whole thing in a business like way - that is, speak to both you and your Nanny to see if you are interested, and what the financial implications would be. If you prefer sole care then you have the right to say no.

Bettercallsaul1 · 30/06/2015 21:32

As far as I can see, this arrangement is actually impacting on you negatively in the sense that your daughter is confined to the house while with the other child as there is no double buggy go take them out. So you are actually receiving an inferior service as well as being obliged to share your nanny with someone else! The nanny and the other parents are doing well out of this arrangement: the nanny receives double wages (or at least more than usual) and the other family get ad hoc childcare when they need it from a professional person. It is easy to see why both these parties like this arrangement and would be keen to continue it, if you let them. But don't! You are most definitely being taken advantage of here and shown considerable disrespect by both your nanny and the other family, who obviously just see you as a means to an end.
Nip this in the bud double quick, OP, and regain control of the situation - your good nature is being cynically made use of!

ArcheryAnnie · 30/06/2015 22:30

I'm another nope.

It's ok as a one-off, but as a regular thing, if it makes things less convenient for you, then no. It's not fair on your kid if she can't then go out, and if the other family aren't willing to put any effort into meeting you halfway (eg by providing a double buggy) then they can sod off.

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/06/2015 23:18

Wonder if the nanny got paid extra by family ......

A one off is ok

Anything else not

Just tell nanny and mum no in the future

Limpetsmum · 01/07/2015 08:42

I'd say it's cheeky of the other mum but don't necessarily blame your nanny. I got asked by my nanny if she could look after another child while looking after mine once but she never mentioned a pay reduction for me that day. I was a little annoyed but then appreciated that my nanny doesn't like letting people down and said yes to the other family as she didn't realise how the 'employer' would view it.
The other mum should know better though. just mentioning above so it doesn't ruin your relationship with your nanny.

hibbledibble · 01/07/2015 12:45

I wonder if the nanny is being less than completely open here.

Maybe she has told the other family that you are happy with the arrangement, and their payment means you will have a cost saving?

Have you asked the nanny what the other family paid her, and how much you are expected to pay as a result?

Original poster

ActiviaYoghurt · 02/07/2015 12:36

Last time I said yes as I didn't want to cause any fall out or make my Nanny look bad to this other family but I made it clear that it was a one off. I told my nanny if asked again to say no and that she had plans with my DD that day.

On this occasion the term "they have no one else to ask" was used (they actually have family in area, I don't) and it pulled on my heart strings, I also thought maybe a funeral or hospital appointment etc and didn't want to cause any distress but how was I to know if they couldn't even bring themselves to talk to me about it. The family saw me on Sunday and Monday but didn't mention it.

My Nanny is being paid by the other family, so double pay and it turns out that the Mother is jetting off somewhere, wouldn't you arrange child care for a baby before booking flights? again I don't know the circumstances because the family haven't spoken to me, for all I know it could be to visit a sick relative but maybe not.

My Nanny has been a bit sulky about my negativity over this but frankly she has only worked for this family for 4 days this year, a couple of evening babysitting and will be working all day tomorrow (whilst father is at work and Mum is out of the country). Her loyalty seems misplaced, she works for us every week, we pay well, in advance if she runs out of money and we give her loads of over time and babysitting if she needs the cash.

If asked again I will be cross and will say something to the family, I don't want this to cause bad feeling with my Nanny.

OP posts:

hibbledibble · 02/07/2015 12:54

Your nanny having double pay and you not receiving any discount isn't right at all, your nanny is taking advantage of your goodwill.

Anyhow, you clearly aren't happy with this situation, so make it clear to your nanny that you will not allow this to happen again under any circumstances.

IcecreamHavoc · 02/07/2015 13:00

It has already caused bad feeling with the nanny. I'd be tempted to say, Nanny, you seem to like working with this other family. Maybe it is time to think about whether you just want to work for them. Should focus her mind, the silly girl.

UsernameAlreadyInUse · 02/07/2015 13:04

The problem with having a nanny is that your neighbours/friends can see them as some sort of communal resource that they can use when their regular childcare arrangements fall through. The problem is compounded by many people not understanding (wilfully or otherwise) that nannies are employees not free agents. From your OP it seems that this is what is happening as the other family are approaching your nanny, not you.

If this situation continues you will end up resenting your neighbour and your nanny who are both taking advantage. Nip it in the bud now. Sit your nanny down and explain to her that when she works for you, she works for you, that's it. Cite insurance reasons if you have to, but STOP IT NOW. I speak from experience.

HSMMaCM · 02/07/2015 16:29

You can say to your nanny that she is free to babysit for them at their house in her free time if she likes, or book holiday from you for any days she wants to work for them. Maybe that will help her understand that you will not be paying her for looking after their children at the same time as yours.

morningsarepants · 02/07/2015 16:35

Absolutely say no. Very cheeky of her!

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/07/2015 18:50

Maybe say to other family before they bring it up

And say that you paid for a nanny so that your child gets sole care and 121 and say please don't ask your nanny again on the days she works for you

Tbh they should have asked you first.

And not put the nanny on the spot

leeloo1 · 03/07/2015 07:26

Agree they're being cheeky, but your nanny shouldn't have been housebound. 2.5 year old is old enough to walk on reins, whilst baby is in a buggy. (misses point of thread)

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