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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

The au pair 'employers' thread

266 replies

boo64 · 07/11/2006 15:35

As discussed, here's our new thread to swap advice on finding an au pair, keeping good ones, giving them feedback, what works with APs and what doesn't, what are appropriate duties etc!

Note the word employer is in quotes as they aren't officially employees but I couldn't think of anything better to call the thread!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Genidef · 20/03/2007 18:33

This is really itneresting esp as DH and I consider whether we can cope with having someone live in with us. I wonder what is worse - the AP going off somewhere in the evenings and potentially being late back in the am, but then you have the place to yourself...or just letting the guy stay over. Yikes! Might be hard to keep someone on if they weren't allowed to have overnight guests ever. Not sure whether I'd be more worried about her family coming to stay for weeks on end than a boyfriend. "Don't worry, we'll sleep on the floor! " Had an occasional Czech babysitter - au pair of a friend in Dorset - long story - but anyway, wanted her family to come and do that. If the girl were living in, would be really hard to say no to.

indiajane · 20/03/2007 18:35

No it's not hard at all. I think the look of horror on my face would say it all. Having a sister or someone come to sleep on their floor is ok as long as the aupair has been here for over a year - on the grounds that "long service" deserves a bit more give and take. Even then, it's a massive favour with a strict time limit. But boyfriends?? Never!

Original poster

boo64 · 20/03/2007 20:42

Yep no boyfriends staying over here when our AP arrives.

I guess that most of these girls are quite young and if you are 19 you are probably (although there are exceptions of course in liberal families!!) used to not being allowed to have your bf stay over when you lived with your parents.

The thing that would freak me out is he could be anyone, just waiting to start stealing stuff. And yes it's one thing to allow an AP to live with us who we have interviewed etc but not a bf staying too.

I'm pretty reluctant to have sisters staying too but could probably live with it for a couple of nights after AP has been with us a while.

OP posts:

Mumpbump · 21/03/2007 09:39

Our au pair is a bit older than most at 25 so we always accepted that she would probably be sexually active and that, given her age, it wouldn't be unreasonable for her to want to have a boyf to stay. It's more the frequency of the visits, but he has not been around so far this week, to be fair, so perhaps last week was exceptional.

We wouldn't bump into him in the morning if he did stay mid-week as he works locally to where we live and we would be long gone by the time he got up.

sunnyjim · 21/03/2007 11:00

"we would be long gone by the time he got up. "

Now that I find even scarier tbh, the idea that after DH and I have left for work there is a strange bloke in our house?

I agree with boo64, an AP you have interviewed and probably had refs and CRB for them. The BF could literally be anyone - and what do you do if they split up and then there is another one? Sorry but I'm not keen on having to explain to DS why there is a strange man in the bathroom / kitchen.

ScottishThistle · 21/03/2007 11:23

I'm a 34yo live-in Nanny & wouldn't expect a BF to be able to stay over at my Employer's when they're at home even though I have fantastic Employer's!

I can have Friend's & Family to stay whenever I like but I personally would feel very uncomfortable having a BF to stay overnight as I'm sure they would.

Mumpbump · 21/03/2007 11:25

I'm not too worried about him being there with her when we're not as we trust her and have met him a few times so are happy he's a "nice young man". I guess because my parents always had an "open house" with lots of random people staying and I have always been in shared accommodation until dh and I moved in together 2.5 years ago, the idea of other people in our house doesn't really bother me too much, but I think that's a very personal thing!

ScottishThistle · 21/03/2007 11:29

Absolutely & if you feel comfortable with it then it's not an issue.

For me my personal life is just that & I don't wish my Employers to know exactly what's going on in my sex life, too much information!

sunnyjim · 05/04/2007 09:25

okay I have a couple of questions here:

for those with an au pair,
has anyone been working/studying at home and had an au pair - did it work? did they understand that just because you were at home you were still working?

Au pairs getting 2nd p/t jobs - if they are from an english speaking coutnry and so don't need language classes, how does this work. Are there any tax implications for you or them, what about visa issues? and how do you negotiate the hours?

DIY, we're in the process of finishing off work on redecorating my bedroom and DS bedroom plus redoing the garden - woudl an au pair expect things to be perfect?

Au pairs from the US or australia, do they expect UK houses to be big and detached? we're in a typical english victorian terrace, a big one but you can hear the neighbours, the garden is small and overlooked and there are alot of stairs!

UK cities/countryside, if you aren't in london or lovely classic english coutnryside how do au pairs adjust their expectations of what england 'looks like'

and the biggie, DS still wakes during the night - how does an au pair cope with that? Im not expecting them to get up! but he can get VERY loud!!!

Mumpbump · 05/04/2007 15:55

No 1. - don't know as I don't have experience, but I tend to find our au pair doesn't do anything if I am at home.

No. 2 - if they get a p/t job, I should imagine it's up to their employer to pay PAYE tax in the normal way and to check work visas, etc. I think you just need to make sure that the hours don't conflict with what you want the au pair to do.

No. 3 - our house is still having building work. We mentioned it to our au pair in advance and she is pretty laid back about it. Being open and honest, I think, is the key.

No. 4 - include a brief description of their house. Suspect they will have no expectations.

No. 5 - tell them how old ds is. If he is still a baby, I think it's reasonable to expect him to wake in the night. Our au pair sleeps through our ds' wakings, mostly.

indiajane · 05/04/2007 17:23

Hi Sunny,

I've not worked at home permanently with an aupair but I do do about one day a week and it's fine. I have a study so just go in there and the au pair just gets on with her usual stuff.

There will be visa implications if there's a second job (unless they have a UK parent and accordingly a UK passport). They will need a NI number.

Gotta go - baby crying but essentially point out to them that a big house is great... but as they are going to have to clean it... a small house is better!!

indiajane · 05/04/2007 17:49

Right back again now - regarding the second job, I've told my aupair that I'm happy for her to get one - and I've given her a timetable of when I need her to be available for me. The onus is on her to get a job that will fit in with those. My current aupair is Australian but has a UK father so was able to get UK passport and we don't have to worry about visas. This really helps.

In my experience, they don't expect stuff to be perfect. It's nice if they can have their own bathroom but if they can't, they can't.

Regarding the baby - it's AMAZING what these teenagers/twenty year olds can sleep through! I've had aupairs for all 3 of my babies and they have never woken up after the first week.

Hope this helps.

sunnyjim · 05/04/2007 21:50

okay thanks, he's not a baby - 2 yrs old but hey I guess they can cope!

I'm not bothered about them doing housework if i'm at home , its about them understanding i'm not available for chat/lunch

blueshoes · 10/04/2007 20:52

Loving this thread. Taking great notes for when I venture into hiring an au pair for the first time in Aug/Sept.

I have a question - if I want the au pair to start in the first week of Aug, when should I start looking (intending to advertise on AupairWorld and GreatAupair for an au pair that is already in UK)? Or is it more realistic to expect that the au pair will start in Sept (if she takes ESOL language classes, the term will start in Sept). I read about au pairs not responding to emails and so want to know what is a decent time for recruiting.

indiajane · 10/04/2007 21:36

I'd start looking about now, August is a good time for them to start as they have finished school by then and have had time to say goodbye. It also gives them a bit of time to settle into your routine before starting college (which will start when school does - about 6th??)

Good luck!

blueshoes · 10/04/2007 21:50

thanks indiajane. That was my thinking as well. Start now, omg, better get cracking!

cloudberry · 28/05/2007 14:12

I'm resurrecting this as I noticed there was message asking about au pair forums. I think it's a real shame to let this particular one die. Does any one else agree? I haven't posted anything for ages as we had such a fantastic experience with our last au pair I didn't feel the need! She even came back for 2 weeks after having been at home in Germany for 6 weeks to help my mother with my 2 dcs while my dh and I had a week's holiday. She can't come back full-time but we'd love her to and she'd love to too but she has commitments back home.

I've reactivated our profile on aupair world and have had nothing! Is anyone else having similiar problems? Either our profile is awful (but I haven't changed it), the dcs' photographs are awful (I thought they were quite sweet!) or iit is a crap time to be looking for aps. I want someone for longer than the summer. Having only had aps for 3 months, I'd quite like to have one for longer. Gumtree has been useless and I really object to paying an agency. In the meantime we're soldiering on very happily.

Nightynight · 28/05/2007 14:30

stupid question, but have you adjusted your start date?
if not, then your profile wont show.

cloudberry · 28/05/2007 23:11

Yes I had changed the start date, but good question as I'm so vague it wouldn't be surprising if I had forgotton! So thank you.

amy1233 · 29/05/2007 12:58

Cloudberry - I have just found a family for the summer so if you want me to have a look at your profile from the point of an au-pair to see if there is any reason why you are not getting any interest, let me know.

Don't worry i'll understand if you don't want me to!

Original poster

boo64 · 29/05/2007 13:45

I haven't posted on here for ages as we decided an au pair wasn't really needed in our house - with just one child who goes to nursery part time it was unnecessary.

The one we were going to have is lovely - a German girl available for up to a year. She is very intelligent and trained up with children as she babysits for a friend. Where do you live Cloudberry? Maybe I could put you in touch with her?!?

I think she will make someone a fab au pair just not us as we couldn't have filled her time.

OP posts:

cloudberry · 29/05/2007 14:44

Hi Boo. thank you for thinking of us. We live about 18 miles north of Oxford. We don't live in a village so anyone we have would have to feel OK about living in the country. We will provide them with a car and there's a free language school about 8 miles away where loads of aps go, so she wouldn't be without friends!

Amy1233, that would be great, thank you. My email address is infoatcotswoldforum.co.uk. Email me and I'll give you the details.

Original poster

boo64 · 29/05/2007 15:07

I think she wants to be in a city as she has a million and one interests e.g. sports and also a language school isn't so important as she speaks very good English already.

If I were an au pair I'd love to live somewhere like where you do though so good look! I reckon someone who has tried London and found it a bit too busy and noisy would love to work where you live?

OP posts:

BrummieOnTheRun · 29/05/2007 15:34

hallelujah! so pleased to see this thread! just about to start looking for an AP for our 3, as we're shortly moving to a rented house with an extra bedroom.

I'm going to use an agency as the fees seem reasonable at £120-£200 and I'm a useless judge of character - I think everyone's great!

any particular warnings / things to watch out for? how can you check if they're SENSIBLE?!

BrummieOnTheRun · 29/05/2007 15:36

sorry, jumping in on an existing conversation. should I start sep thread?

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