The au pair 'employers' thread

[boo64]

As discussed, here's our new thread to swap advice on finding an au pair, keeping good ones, giving them feedback, what works with APs and what doesn't, what are appropriate duties etc!

Note the word employer is in quotes as they aren't officially employees but I couldn't think of anything better to call the thread!

well well, I think it might be a bit too much to give her locator number! in any case she's only looking to work in our city, which is a university town (one of the two big ones...) so unless you're based here, I don't think she'd go for it! she's terrified of London.

appreciate the advice. out of interest, what are the magic questions you use to weed out the bad ones? I thought I had a good set but must admit this one has thrown me for a loop - never really occurred to me that major health problems would be an issue for a girl this age. this is our second dud in a row - last one had bad attitude and then safety/responsibility issues, so we were happy to see her go. First one we had was a dream, and stayed a whole year, but I'm starting to think she was really exceptional.

we also made a point of only talking to people already in the UK, after the last one (who I didn't meet ahead of time) turned out badly. But it doesn't seem to have worked this time. I agree, there were remarkably few candidates already here who seemed suitable, at least in our town (surprising given the huge number of foreign students around).

have just gone downstairs and given the AP money to go out and buy cough suppressant, after she returned from taking DS2 to playgroup and said "everyone was staring at me because I was coughing so hard". She's making me feel cruel for still having her work (a bit), but I need to prepare a presentation for my final interview for this job, which I REALLY need, so there's no alternative, and of course she will still be sick tomorrow, and the next day, going on experience. I've now said I'm going to take her to the doctor (again) this afternoon - maybe some antibiotics are in order. Still not sure how to proceed, have been contacted by an AP on greataupair who looks perfect - a Brazilian who is in Germany and wants to come to our town - but am terrified of getting yet another bad one.

what questions do you ask and what information would you give on a follow up contact?

A Brazillian? How does that work? Do they qualify for a Working Holiday visa?

So, where are you moving in the states?

Eleusis - yes to Thurs, ds is well now thanks and sleeping much much better, and we've hired the Yank - she has dual nationality so no problem with the visa.

Jim/Mizan - My specific questions that weed out the right ones (albeit subconsciously):

23. Describe your health in the past year.

• If I get replies that say it is good and they haven't been ill and then keep on mentioning that they've not been well in their emails then I know they're a wrong-un - in fact I've had quite a few who've done this.

20. We like our girls to eat healthily ? do you know what this means?
21. What food do you like?

• If I get replies that they like fruit/veg and mention this in Q20, then you know they are not likely to spend their time eating processed food with no nutrients, thereby getting ill. I speak from prior experience as that's all my dds used to eat when dh was a SAHD and not a single week went by when they were not ill.

10. What activities/pastimes have you done in the last month?

• This is a good one - they tend to mention their interests (eg swimming) but actually haven't done it for some years. The AP I sacked was specifically meant to take dd2 swimming but was always moaning that she had a cold/AF so never did it. If you get them to say in the last month, you'll see if they actually are fit or just would rather sit around.

Oh MizZan, re. the cough, she does sound like my sacked AP - my friend told me that she was crying at school to her because she was ill. Yet, the previous night she didn't get in til late and went straight to her room, not even mentioning that she was ill. If she had dh would've taken the day off work. She was blaming her illnes on me and telling everyone that I made her sick!

Okay I like Mrsrecycle's questions so far so would anyone else like to share questions they ask?

Thanks SunnyJim

Gosh, reading this thread has made me see how lucky we have been with a-ps! I think I am just not suited to having them around.

Okay here's another question; would you give this person a try;

"i like to eat things like chips, potatoes, carrots, chicken burgers, fry ups etc if that helps at all. i eat only potatoes and carrots in the veg section"

" also watch a little sport mainly wwe wrestling.
"also hang out with my mates i also like going on the internet and speaking to friends on msn."

I'm bit concerned about the mention of MSN, the eating habits and (horribly snobby of me I know) but WWE wrestling?!?

Our au pair eats cr*p in my opinion, but that's up to her. She's still very competent. WWE wrestling is a bit odd though...

Sunnyjim.

Eating habits vary amongst all adults & some AP's are from very poor countries.

MSN- What worries you re msn, it's simply talking to your friends via the pc! (I chat regularly to friends on msn, cheaper than a phone call & you can talk to 3/4 people at the same time)

WWE wrestling- Personal choice, I know a friend who enjoys it as she thinks it's hilarious! (Not something I'd watch!)

I got an email from saintsbabe@domain today and thought "no, you are weird".

And something I really can't stand is when they talk in text speak in an e-mail. Look, if you can't type in English, then you are hardly qulified to teach my children how to read and write.

I'm okay with the MSN and the wrestling, but "i like to eat things like chips, potatoes, carrots, chicken burgers, fry ups etc if that helps at all. i eat only potatoes and carrots in the veg section" wouldn't even get to the interview.

Food is my big picky topic. My children will want to eat what the nanny / au pair is eating. So, If you don't like fruit and veg you are not coming to work for me.

I'm a mean old bat. Ask Jura.

Fair point about the food - probably depends on how old your children are anyway. Ds is only 1yo and eats most his meals at nursery anyway so he never sees what the au pair eats, but with older children spending more time with the au pair, I can see that might become an issue.

SunnyJim - deinitely a no from my POV. The whole point about an AP is that she is to become part of our family and as we don't eat chips, burgers and fry ups then she wouldn't fit into our family. Plus with only 1 veg in the list - she's likely to suffer from lots of colds. And if she wants to MSN her mates, where is the interaction with our family - we MSN once a month (and that is our old APs). I fear a break down in communication could occur.

I've yet to come across an Au-Pair whom I'd expect to teach my child english...written or spoken!

So in that respect I don't think it matters whether they use text speak in e-mails!

One AP is now responsible for dd2 (6 now was 3 when AP was with us) saying "Oh Man" all the time

I got 200 replies to my a-p ad and I didn't stop until I found one that sounded just right - I think if you feel uneasy about any aspect of your a-p, (for whatever reason, it's you who will be hiring her, after all) then you should wait until you find one that ticks all the boxes. There are so many a-ps around!

Mine helps ds with his English homework! Got an aussie gap year girl and she is excellent.

I think after shcool homework help is certainly fair game for an au pair. And if she doesn't know that "wimmin" isn't a word there's going to be a problem. I also can't stand when someone doesn't know when to say me and when to say myself.

And this is particularly a problem for children whose mother can not spell school.

I am recruiting a new ap at the mo and have offered it to a lovely Swedish girl - I did look at things like what she ate, what her hobbies were, what interest she had in children and that she was happy to help out with homework, how sporty she was (ours are into sport big time).

I also needed someone who was able to drive not that it was absolutely necessary but it is handy.

Anyway she has come across as being everything we are looking for in an ap. Again I was one that got a lot of replies and waited till I found one that matched our family.

I actually found 3 so if this girl doesn't accept I have option 2 and 3 to go on.

Sunnyjim - don't rush!!

And I wouldn't be that worried about MSN as long as it is in her own time and not yours.

Think of it as a very cheap way for her to communicate with all her friends at the same time so she keeps up with what is going on at home - guess she can have a little moan as well

Hmmm I think MSN wouldn't worry me - I'd just make it clear that she should do it in her own time.

BUT the overall image she paints of herself doesn't sound very appealing does it. I mean it's just the combination of things that would put me off.