Food issues at CM

[reddaisy]

My DS, 6, is a very good eater but like all of us he has things he doesn't like.

I never make him eat things he doesn't like because I know he isn't being fussy or difficult. He eats tea at the childminder's and came home in tears last night because he had been made to eat something (cauliflower) he doesn't like.

I totally understand that the CM has to cater for a group of children and can't be expected to serve them exactly what they like but I am uncomfortable with my DS having to finish his tea if he doesn't want to.

I appreciate that she can't have one rule for one child and another for the rest but I would like DS to have some control over what he eats where possible and by that I mean he can eat it or leave it, not that he can choose the menu!

Background, I have food issues because I was always made to clear my plate which often included things I hated and hate to this day so I am very keen that DS has a healthier relationship with food than I did/do. WWYD?

If he isn't a fussy eater then Prob only a few things he doesn't like so say to cm what he isn't keen on and to avoid it

I'm sure I did that when we joined the childminder so I probably need to remind her.

Forcing children to eat is never a good idea at all. She should know that

I agree Hurr1cane, I am sure it is done in a nice way by the CM but the firm expectation that they will eat what is on their plate is there.

Did she really 'make' him? I'd want a chat to clarify this. I would never force a child to eat or clear their plate but I do ask them to try stuff and might say something like 'are you going to eat your cauliflower?'. Now, some very shy kids who hate getting into trouble may well feel that they HAVE to eat the cauli rather than simply say they don't like it. He may have felt under pressure because everyone else was eating it too.

DS is not shy at all but does what he is told at school/childminder's - at home is another matter.

I am sure that he was just told nicely but firmly to eat it up (not stood over and berated or anything) and even though he said he doesn't like it and that I don't make him eat it at home (which is true) he was still told to carry on with his dinner.

Ah right, if he made it clear that he didn't like it then that's not on. I think a list of the few things he doesn't like and making it very clear you absolutely don't want him forced to eat them is definitely in order then!

We have a child who is a very fussy eater at home, but will eat those foods when with us. We don't make any of the children eat all their food (but encourage them to have 'enough'), but we do ask them to try everything and we have a rule that the words "don't like" are banned from the table (otherwise they all say it). Maybe he just ate it because she asked him to try it. Have another update with her and ask how he's getting on with the food he isn't keen on at home and whether he eats enough, or has to clear his plate.

I also would expect a school age child to try a little of whatever was offered (many find they like things here they won't eat at home, possibly because it is cooked in a different style or in different combinations) and they may then say if they do not want to finish it, and that is their choice. I also firmly discourage "don't like" and similar expressions. I don't offer alternatives and it is up to parents whether they give something later - I know some won't as they think it encourages fussiness - and I would expect them to remain quietly at the table or some will see being allowed to get down and have the run of the playroom as reward for not eating.

I have no problem with no alternative being offered and I absolutely wouldn't expect that he should be allowed to get down from the table. Generally I don't like children being told to clear their plates, I encourage mine to sop when they are full which usually means they can't have a second helping just because they fancy it.

I just think quietly leaving cauliflower off his plate wouldn't hurt. I respect my DS's food choices, he knows what he likes and doesn't like. I will have another chat with the childminder and see if I can give her another short list of things that he doesn't like and go from there. Thanks everyone.

I don't mind any kids quietly saying they don't like something but I don't allow them to make a huge fuss - that's when you get all the kids copying and saying they don't like it either. Plus it's rude.

I think if you completely ban the words 'I don't like' with regards to food you put young children in a really difficult position - you can't stop them from not liking something, they are perfectly entitled to their likes and dislikes but how are they supposed to express this? As long as they express it in a respectful manner i.e. 'LingdiLong, I don't like this please can I leave it?' rather than 'BLEGH, YUK, this is DISGUSTING!!', than it's ok with me and has little effect on the other children.

The children are able to express their likes, dislikes and preferences without taking one look at the plate and saying "I don't like that". We have records of each child's dislikes and favourite foods, which are updated whenever we notice something new. This means we can make them something special for their birthday, save the broad beans for another day, or whatever.

I agree with LongDiLong that's inportant for children to be able to make these choices.