No touching newborn for 1st 3 months?

[RedRag]

Hello - this is our first posting to Mumsnet.

Our daughter is having her first child due this January. Our son-in-law announced yesterday that we would not be allowed to hold or touch the baby for the first 3 months unless we used hand sanitising gel each time.

This led to a heated discussion. He insisted that he was just following the advice in the NICE guidelines for new parents. We said that we believed that a baby kept in a sterile environment for 3 months would have a weaker immune system rather than a stronger one as he believed.

What we'd like to know as grandparents is whether his view on interactions with the baby is the current accepted wisdom or is he being a bit over the top with his interpretation of the NICE recommendations?

Echocave - I think you missed my reply to the thread a few messages back - maybe you'll reconsider calling me a pain in the arse?

I suppose if you are worried about the baby's immune system you could just keep one finger out of the gel, and let the baby suck on it. When nobody's looking of course.

As someone who is around 39 weeks pregnant with their PFB I expect my parents to, without making a big deal of it, go along with whatever random ideas I come up with. I know from the wry smile on their faces that I am spouting theories that they regard as very PFB (having the baby sleep in the same room as me for six months caused a few raised eyebrows).
So, some ideas are good / modern, others I am sure are bonkers.

Taking shoes off when entering a house where a baby will be rolling around on the floor is not bonkers - it's a rule I plan to use when the baby reaches the crawling stage. (But then I live in the country and battle daily with a dh who won't wipe his feet)
Asking people to wash hands is not something I'll be doing, and nor is asking people to change clothes before holding the baby. the clothes thing sounds really OTT (and short lived), but perhaps your Son in law has a reason for asking you to do this - have you asked him?

Is your son in law controlling about a lot of things, do you think he controls your daughter?

Newborns are vulnerable and if they get ill it is not easy to treat them. I would always wash my hands before holding a newborn, and would hope others do the same but realise not everyone does.
I wouldn't visit newborn if I was ill
I agree with others that washing hands is better than the gel.
Ditto all the above for my work as a bf peer supporter, goes without saying people expect we have washed hands before holding their babies, why not apply the same principles at home?

Welcome redrag

You have met mn at its best !!!! And yes man are welcome to post :)

Yes your Dsil s being slightly ott and its coz it's his bfb. I can Understand why he wants the gel and cleaning of hands - tho sure by the time bubs is a month or two old the gel would have stopped

Enjoy time with baby and well done for coming back and replying. Many don't

What did you dd say out of curiosity? Does she agree with Her dh your dsil ?

I hope you're right about the text being taken in good humour, it sounds a bit narky to me!

Well she txtd back 'Lol! Hope you enjoyed the day' so yes, I would say she took it in good humour.

The main point is, I asked this group a question, got a great response back, some a bit sharp, but hey, it has informed me and changed my opinion and it won't be an issue anymore between us.

Interesting how some of the spinoff discussion about hand washing versus hand gel emerged but I won't go further into the controlling questions since that could be another long thread and she or he might read it which could a whole lot worse than us talking about hand gel!

Thank you everyone for your input - it was very helpful and I'll be sure to canvass your opinions again on any other contentious issues before things get out of hand.

Hope you all have a great week and keep up the good work.

That's uncalled for to call OP a pain in the arse. He is just a concerned grandpa to be who wants the best for his grandchild and took graciously the advices to go on with wathever his son in law and daugther decides.

I am guilty of being controlling over some things when it comes to babies. Especially with hand washing and putiing fingers in their mouth (it disguts me totally, I know I am being totally unreasonable with that, but I can't stand someone stuffing their finger in a baby's mouth)

Anyway, as long as you don't have any concern that your daughter might be emotionally abused, I'll let him try to control the environment around the baby. He;ll cringe when DC start crawling and socialize

You'd be far better of washing your hands before handling the baby.

Ok sorry OP, I was rude.
But it's hard for first time parents and it's a bit off to be having heated discussions about this stuff. Hand gel (or hand washing) before touching the baby isn't such a lot to ask really.

Ginnycreeper -my post was not ageist. It was an observation of the different roles in the family of grandparents and parents. And yes, I do believe that the grandparents' opinion on how the new baby should be parented ra unimportant, as are most other peoples' too. This is not about age, it is about respecting the role of the parents. I do hope it is something I will bear in mind when my children are becoming parents. My time to parent is now, when they have kids it is their turn, and mine to support, encourage, comfort and yes probably babysit sometimes, gladly and with a , whilst respecting their rules.

Echocave no problem. Everyone's contribution was welcome and it has all helped. The heated discussion was actually because of the manner in which he announced the 'rule'. Certainly if he had said something like 'btw, we are asking everyone to use hand gel before picking up the baby during the first 3 months' then it probably would have been a more civil conversation, but when he states 'you will not be allowed contact with your grandchild unless you hand gel first - our baby/our rules and if you don't like it then don't come to visit' then you can see why it got a bit heated.

Still, the hand gel issue is out of the way now thanks to everyone here - I'm now more prepared for the next 'our baby/our rules and if you don't like it, lump it' conversation.

Thanks

Ok well I (and bump) had a bad reaction to the flu vaccine. Stopped moving normally for 3 days. Not fun, and I can't imagine how scary being on paediatric intensive care must be.

I have refused the whooping cough vaccine because of this. (I have history of reacting to vaccines.) And have been given the lecture (made to promise) by the midwife of minimising contact with high risk situations, hand gel etc for first 3 months. And you know what, it is easier to go along with things than have regrets afterwards and a doctor saying I told you so.

My DM was like you - I know best and in my face (screaming at me) - with my first and she drove me to delayed PND. Solved by moving abroad! Now back in UK and this time she is behaving. She knows the score......

pollyannagoestotown - your DM was like me? If you read my posts and my further replies you'll see that I was just asking a question and have found the responses very helpful. I don't think I gave the impression at all that I was saying that I knew best and was in their face screaming at them. On contrary, I don't think I know best which is why I asked for your opinions which have been very helpful.

I get the impression a lot of people here have had bad experiences with their own interfering parents and this has skewed their view a bit of all parents/grandparents.

What I am realising is that the perspective of a parent and a grandparent are v different, which is definitely worth bearing in mind. My mum now does many of the things she complained about her own mother doing, but seems blissfully unaware of the unwelcome subtle judging she's doing and how unhelpful she actually is. We eventually learned that a very direct polite approach was best, and we see an awful lot less of them than we might. It is a shame. It's not something I aim to emulate, hence my suggestions for mouth shut, supportive grand parenting, with practical help offered where wanted.

I would wonder why your dd and sil felt the need to be so up front with you? It could be them, or it could be you. No-one here can say without hearing their viewpoint.

Hi Hope this isn't opening old wounds but what i'm after is something like a hand sanitiser dispenser to attach to my buggy and possibly even a subtle "please wash your hands before handling my baby" sign to accompany it. FYI this isnt a PFB and I don't wish to rekindle the discusssion on the do's and dont's this is just a shopping tip request; the decision has been made already.

i've looked on the main manufacturers sites and can't seem to find anythin,g anyone any tips?

k4ne but what if your baby isn't in the pram? People won't see your subtle sign. What about an embroidered "don't touch" on a baby hat - that way people will know at all times not to come too near

Think you should start your own thread , this OP opened this thread, it was discussed and he came back with an answer.

You don't need a sign. Just ask family to wash their hands, they will soon tell one another that's what you want. I always wash my hands before picking up babies amd agree its a good idea.

Just bung some in your changing bag. I think a sign might be ridiculous.