No touching newborn for 1st 3 months?

[RedRag]

Hello - this is our first posting to Mumsnet.

Our daughter is having her first child due this January. Our son-in-law announced yesterday that we would not be allowed to hold or touch the baby for the first 3 months unless we used hand sanitising gel each time.

This led to a heated discussion. He insisted that he was just following the advice in the NICE guidelines for new parents. We said that we believed that a baby kept in a sterile environment for 3 months would have a weaker immune system rather than a stronger one as he believed.

What we'd like to know as grandparents is whether his view on interactions with the baby is the current accepted wisdom or is he being a bit over the top with his interpretation of the NICE recommendations?

Give it a few days weeks. They'll be begging you to take the baby for a bit, hand-gel or not!

I have always washed my hands before holding my friends' newborns. It just seems like a sensible thing to do. It's not something anyone has ever requested that I do but then I've probably washed my hands before they would have to ask.

Most people I found automatically washed their hands before holding DS when he was very small. So that's kind of fair enough. To 3 months is a little extreme, but it certainly won't happen, they'll have other things to think about!

I dunno, Orangeis

If my parents had dismissed concerns in a similar offhand manner AND made it into a heated discussion I wouldn't easily turn to them a few week later for assistance.

I'm on your side, I agree it sounds completely ridiculous and OTT (in my humble opinion) but as others have said I would roll your eyes in private but indulge their requests in person to keep the peace. Good luck :-)

Definitely their baby their rules. Tbh i would be furious if my mil or mother refused to do something I wanted to do cos they don't think its the right thing to do. It's nothing to do with them how I want to raise my child. This is minor really, and not worth having a heated argument about. What's more important, having to sanitise your hands or keeping the peace? It's not worth it

Washing hands with soap and water is better. Hand gel doesn't kill all bugs. As a maternity nurse I always wash my hands before picking up a baby.
Getting used to bugs good for babies 3 months plus. Very young babies need some protection. It's not your baby, so either grin and bare it or accept you won't be invited round.

Do you smoke OP?

They want to ensure that people have clean hands when touching their baby. If you knew how many people dont even wash hands after using public toilets, I am sure you would agree they have a point.

Is fighting for your right to touch their baby with possibly germ ridden hands really worth it?

If you kick up a fuss over this, I suspect you will come across as controlling and interfering grandparents who wont respect the parents wishes, and you may thus jeopardize your relationship with your son and daughter in law.

Not worth it.

Unfortunately your son has grown up and now it's your turn to do as your told!

Just do what they say, they have total control over the baby and I have seen with my own eyes any unwanted interference from Grandparents does not go down well. Not on MN anyway!

Congrats on becoming a gran (hopefully they will actually let you be one)

When my dd2was born I was visited by two friends, seperatly who are nursery nurses and they both went and washed their hands before having a cuddle with dd2. Both had worked in Denmark not sure if that is relevant or not.

Can't do any harm

Say yes and smile sweetly, then

I insisted everyone washed their hands for the first 3 months
With DS. I am glad that I did. Later on they can get immunity. No need to start straight away.

Some people will be carrying serious bugs on them, especially if they work in healthcare. You are only reducing the chances of something by washing your hands, not eliminating it.

Just do it. Honestly 3 months will zip by and if you annoy the new parents your could end up not seeing your grandchild thatmuch in the first 3 months anyway.

Why would you even have a row about this? You are risking them thinking that you won't respect their views on anything to do with their child. And yes, it is a normal precaution and hardly amounts to a sanitised environment.

Ds and I went to visit a friend who had just had her first baby - we washed hands before touching baby as previously instructed and then watched as their dog sniffed baby and lay it's head on baby. It was bizarre.

I think you have to smile, nod and comply.

He seems to be completely misunderstanding the NICE hospital rules on infection control, and has wrongly extrapolated them to the home.

What he is insisting on is not required, but it's not dangerous either. Lots of new parents have unrealistic ideals of what they will do with their new babies, or that they'll never have a toddler who does that, or their teens will never go off the rails, or whatever. Some stick to those ideals, many crumble rapidly when actually parenting.

I suspect this is starry-eyed idealism, not the start of manifestation of controlling tendencies.

While it does sound a bit PFB, it's their child their rules.
Just smile nod and use the hand gel.

What about breathing over them? Do you have to wear a mask as well?

I would also want you to wash hands

We live in London so the majority of visitors would travel by tube or bus to our home. Those places harbour germs. Even before children we always washed hands on arriving home

It's a little bit of an over the top/precious first born reaction, but you should realise that they don't want your opinion. The more you insist to force them to do it your way, the more you risk to have a fall out.

By the way, the first three months is not the best time to do their immunity. The baby will have a lot of time for that, after 6 months, when they lick toys that other children have lovingly licked before at playgroups or when they lick bins or eat grass. I always wash my hands before touching a newborn, expecially if I come from outside.

God, poor kid having a Dad like that.

Laying down rules about how he will be isolating his child from its family before it is even born.

I don't think this is remotely normal.

Just do it. They're being a bit silly but everyone is with their first.

How does your daughter feel about having her mother spoken to in that high handed manner?

Does she agree with limiting her child's physical interactions with family?

Does she want her husband laying down the law to her own mother about how cuddles will be allocated?

Do you like him? Is he normally controlling and bossy?

I'd agree to his ridiculous demands, but keep an a eye out for your daughter.

Pregnancy is a time when controlling and abudive behaviours often begin or escalate.

EverythingRunningAway, you are kidding right? You are freaking kidding, right?

It is always a shame for the first born-it is far more relaxed with subsequent ones when they have one at nursery coming back with all sort of germs and they have to do the school run etc. (I was my mother's PFB -much better for my brothers) Just humour them until it wears off.