No touching newborn for 1st 3 months?

[RedRag]

Hello - this is our first posting to Mumsnet.

Our daughter is having her first child due this January. Our son-in-law announced yesterday that we would not be allowed to hold or touch the baby for the first 3 months unless we used hand sanitising gel each time.

This led to a heated discussion. He insisted that he was just following the advice in the NICE guidelines for new parents. We said that we believed that a baby kept in a sterile environment for 3 months would have a weaker immune system rather than a stronger one as he believed.

What we'd like to know as grandparents is whether his view on interactions with the baby is the current accepted wisdom or is he being a bit over the top with his interpretation of the NICE recommendations?

No, I'm absolutely not kidding.

Where is the actual mother, the one who is carrying this baby, in all this?

If she thinks this ridiculous preciousness is a good idea, then wonderful.

But all we have here is a bossy idiot laying down the law to his mother in law about stuff he clearly knows nothing about.

He asked her to sanitize her hands before holding the baby for the first three months!!! You are being just as OTT as he is...

Your son is barking mad.

Keep schtum until the baby arrives then hope he unclenches a bit.

He'll soon realise that actually it was a completely mental request.

It's their baby so their business. I did insist, for the first few months, on anyone coming in from outside just washing their hands/using sanitiser before touching the baby. If it goes on longer than a couple of months it would not be normal, and would of course eventually be weird and harmful, but otherwise I don't see a problem.

PS my baby was prem and very small so maybe that influenced me too, I have to admit. maybe with a huge bouncing bundle I would have not been quite so anxious!

I've only ever come across pfb-ness on MN.

No one I've ever known has been that bonkers in RL

why is it a mental request when all maternity wards have hand sanitisers and a maternity nurse has been on here and said its normal and advisable for the first few weeks? have you been in a NICU? let's hope you won't be having to visit your GC in one OP or you will be having to do a lot more than squirting a bit of hand sanitiser on.

The baby isn't even born and the father to be is already throwing his weight around.

I think it is worth wondering how a pregnant woman feels about her husband rationing physical contact between her foetus and its soon to be grandparents.

He's not rationing physical contact. He's simply asking them to use hand sanitisers. The title of the thread is misleading.

its his and her weight to throw - its their baby. I had a relative who was a very heavy smoker.When my pfb was born and nearly died, and then had a suspected infection, I specifically asked DP to tell her she had to use sanitiser (as we knew she wouldn't wash her hands) as it made it slightly more palatable when she picked him up and breathed fumes all over him.

Everything - erm contact isn't being rationed, they just ask that hands washed first

Just wash hands etc. and go with it - IMO it is sensible for people to do this with a newborn. It's no problem for you and reassures anxious new parents, why would you make a stand or a fuss about it?

Yes, there are a few things that can seriously affect newborn that people didn't really know about years ago, including rotaviruses and other germs/illnesses that adult immune systems can cope with but newborns can't very well. Pertussis (whooping cough) is a good example - many older people have reduced immunity to this and carry this in their throats - it might give them a slight cough but it can be deadly to a newborn. Cold sores too - I had to explain to both of my parents, who get cold sores, not to kiss a newborn at all (as you can shed the virus loads before you know you have a cold sore), and rarely it can be fatal to neonates. Meningitis bacteria are also carried in the throats of many healthy adults, but a newborn's immune system is not capable of defending itself as strongly as an adult's is. Yes, all three of these ( and other similar) scenarios are unlikely - but they are known, if small, risks; new parents are anxious, and what's it to you to wash your hands or use a hand gel just so they feel more at ease and family relationships are harmonious whilst the new parents are under a lot of stress?

That is rationing contact.

It's making physical contact between a grandparent and a newborn something that has to be thought about in advance.

Does the OP's daughter agree?

Does she want her mother to be subject to these rules?

I couldn't have got through the early weeks without my mother's support.

If my DH had started laying down the law to her like this before the baby had even arrived, and caused tension between them, I would have been really unhappy.

Is the mother on board with this regime?

That matters.

they just ask that hands washed first

No, they did nothing.

Does the pregnant woman want this restriction placed on her mother?

I think the op had been scared away.....

Everything - in my house your attitude would have restricted visits. One moan on the phone like above and you wouldn't even see your grandchild

Art that says more about you than it says about Everything....

Has the world gone completely and utterly mad?! Redrag is in the right and her son in law is the one being utterly ridiculous.
That said, just go with their request redrag just to keep the peace. These things easily turn nasty in families so just smile and nod as others have said.

I remember visiting friends who had just had their first baby. A sign in their hallway said "Please wash your hands as soon as you have taken your shoes off, if you want to say hello to baby".

Fair enough. New parents can be a bit anxious and over the top. They will soon learn that germs will from now on play a very large part in their lives.
But educating them would just seem patronizing.

Roll with it!

I always offer to wash hands before holding a newborn anyway, don't most people do this? I would hate to pass on a cold or bug needlessly when parents are already knackered and living on next to no sleep. Snotty babies are no fun!

I would automatically wash my hands before touching a newborn. Isn't it a natural instinct to want to be clean and keep them clean? I really appreciated it when friends/family visiting my babies did this. I particularly appreciated it when people said "I won't hold him - I've getting over a cold" - just shows some consideration for the child beyond your own desire for a snuggle.

It's no big deal. He is being protective and yes, as others have said, he'll relax into it. We were all the same. My sis and Dbil have just had a baby and it tickles me to see them fussing and reminding me how to hold their baby and educating me on the latest advice regarding baby care...when I have two fairly small children myself. I just smile, indulge and roll eyes inwardly.

They are crackers and overprotective
You are crackers if you think having a barney about it with them before the child is even born is going to help
Just be serene and supportive and go with their flow, they will lighten up.
They will look back in a few months time when they find their crawling child chewing on a dead spider and laugh

I worry about some people- they think that keeping a sterile atmosphere is worth cutting of grandparent contact! There are a lot of control freaks around!

Another Londoner here, and DS is now 5yo. It was the start of flu season when he was a baby, and yes, I did ask visitors to wash their hands before holding him. I'm sure people rolled their eyes, but they all did it.

I actually don't think I was OTT, because it was sensible to take a precaution that was easily achieved. When he was bigger, I got more relaxed.