No touching newborn for 1st 3 months?

[RedRag]

Hello - this is our first posting to Mumsnet.

Our daughter is having her first child due this January. Our son-in-law announced yesterday that we would not be allowed to hold or touch the baby for the first 3 months unless we used hand sanitising gel each time.

This led to a heated discussion. He insisted that he was just following the advice in the NICE guidelines for new parents. We said that we believed that a baby kept in a sterile environment for 3 months would have a weaker immune system rather than a stronger one as he believed.

What we'd like to know as grandparents is whether his view on interactions with the baby is the current accepted wisdom or is he being a bit over the top with his interpretation of the NICE recommendations?

MrsDeVere,
there seems to be a lot of nastiness aimed at Grandmothers on this thread.
The same women that treat the grandmother like the anti-christ and won't let them anywhere near their babies, will very often change their tune once the children are school age.
Grandma suddnely becomes invaluable -for impromptu pick-ups from school if a parent is working late,she can be relied on to babysit at the drop of a hat.
Lets not forget the holiday invite bring grandma along for a pair of extra eyes

I have friends that are grandmothers and they seem to get used a lot even though they would never admit it

It seems a bit two-faced to treat other women this way.
Treat her like shit now, if you will, but don't turn around in a couple of years and expect her to be there whenever you click your fingers.

Of course, all Grandmother's will be there, without question.

My midwife gave dd her first cold at a week old.

She came in full of germs and lo and behold I had a sick newborn for a week.

It was annoying, tbh.

DD1 was born at the peak of the swine flu panic in London, so I'm afraid we did offer people hand gel if they hasn't offered to wash their hands!

Just do it, maybe he/they are just anxious about the first baby.

Ginnycreeper you seem to have issues that are nothing to do with the OP, who is definitely BU.
And where are the sons in all these childcare arrangements you mention, don't they rely on the GPs too or is it just the pesky women?

Oops sorry realised this is not in AIBU.

Ginnycreeper you seem to have issues that are nothing to do with the OP, who is definitely BU.

No issues. Sorry to disapoint.
I feel there is a touch of ageism directed towards older women (especially grandmothers) which is reflected in a lot of the comments.
Is all.

A perfect example:

Congratulations in your first grand parenting lesson. It is a totally different deal than parenting. Your opinion is not important, and even if asked for, avoid judgement

Just do it. Just get a tiny bottle that fits in your bag. Will take two seconds and will keep every one happy. Is it really any skin of your nose ?

It may seem bizarre but at the end if the day it's not your baby.

Just whipped up the thread MrsD talks sense.

Babies born in the winter are more at risk of catching colds and bronchiolitis. Not sure that is true tbh, especially if bf. When born they have the benefit of mother's immunity for a while and it is often the second winter which is worse as this has waned.

Has op returned or was it simply RedRag to the MN bull ?

It amuses me when people say that grandmothers' opinions are irrelevant but a mother's opinion is sacred. Obviously there is something in that, but the bond of motherhood connects each of them to the child, who could hardly have existed without grandparents. Sometimes grandmas know best too, and they certainly have a right to express an opinion. Said mothers may one day be grandmothers and they don't sound like they'll be adjusting well to PFB informing them that his/her child is none of their business! Maybe I'm wrong, but at quite what point they will switch from 'my word is law re this child' to 'I am saying nothing about this child's own offspring, I am irrelevant'...not sure.

I have personally never heard anyone suggest this with a healthy new born but I wouldn't have a problem with it, as long as it doesn't seem to be part of a wider problem of anxiety. As someone who has ocd I know that things can spiral, but that is unlikely to be the case here. I would just say that washing hands or using hand gel will not damage the baby's immune system as it will not create a sterile environment. It is a drop in the ocean. Also, I would not use the hand gels. They are not as effective as actually washing your hands with soap and water, which also seems a more gentle method before handling the baby.

I wouldn't worry op. As most people have said, it's simply a case of PFBitis. I had it quite bad. My mum smokes and is generally quite dirty as a person. I asked her to wash her hands after smoking and not come near dd for a while after smoking. She was good about this and her acceptance helped me and helped her to help me when things worried me etc. she did however say it was 'people like me who ruined GB with 'elf and safety' when I asked her not to touch two month old DD with her hands covered in brake dust and road dirt after pumping up her tyres.

My uncle and his wife were worse. His mum and sister (my gran and mum) drove 2.5-3hrs to see their new baby and they weren't allowed into her room to see her as they could wake her up. After 5 hours they still hadn't seen her.

As everyone else said, just smile and nod. It helps everyone in the long run.

Smile and nod is the best policy- get used to it for the first 2 years.

If you smile and nod and keep in friendly terms you can probably have a good laugh about it with them in 10/20 yrs time!

For those of your who wonder about dog hygiene on the whole diseases are species specific and, especially provided your pet is wormed and tick free, the baby is much for likely to catch a cold or D&V from humans than anything from the dog. There are quite a few studies that suggest that exposure to two or more dogs in the home in the first two years helps avoid asthma and respiratory allergies because is stimulates the immune system.

And cats! (apart form toxoplasmosis obviously)

Thank you to everybody that has commented on this thread - it has actually been very helpful.

First of all, it was a genuine question about seeking people's views as to whether it was the norm these days to sanitise with hand gel before picking up the baby - absolutely no problem with hand washing but I think he believes that santising with hand gel is better.

When my children were born hand gel hadn't been invented well at least not available in the public domain and although it is normal these days when visiting a hospital or care home, etc, to sanitise, even a cruise I went on there was a hand gel dispenser at the entrance to the restaurant because of the threat of norovirus spreading, it was quite a surprise to me when he said that he was applying this regime in his house - I just hadn't heard of any of the young families of any of my friends doing this.

The overall opinion is that he is probably being ott but just go along with it and he'll probably relax after a while. Very happy with this feedback and have no problem and happy to go along with it. Was just interested to know current thinking.

I posted very early this morning because we went out for a day trip to France and was quite amazed on our return a short time ago at the amount of discussion this has generated. Just to put everyone's mind at rest there is no falling out - I sent a txt to my daughter telling her we were at a French hypermarket stocking up on hand gel which she took in good humour.

But I wouldn't mind making some comments on some of the views expressed here.

First of all, I am not a grandmother but a grandfather. I don't think I made any gender references but I suppose people just assumed I was a grandmother because I posted here in this mother's forum. The reason I posted here is because it is the most relevant place to pose my question particularly as there is thread especially for home childcare and the majority of you are mothers so the best people to ask.

Yes, some of the comments were a bit barbed such as the poster who thought I was looking for ammunition to support my side of the argument which wasn't the case, I simply wanted to see what the overall majority thought on this issue and I am persuaded by the reasonableness of the majority of the comments and it has helped me take a different position to where I started from.

I must say though that 'EverythingsRunningAway' was pretty spot on at reading between the lines of my post. The son-in-law is a bit ott over everything and this was just the latest. It wasn't put to us as a polite request as such but as a demand and it was more the delivery of the edict that resulted in the heated aspect of the conversation. He hasn't gone as far as demanding face masks yet but does want a change of clothes and shoes off (and no, we are not smokers).

Also I acknowledge that the thread title was a bit of an exaggeration but it was the best I could come up with at 4 in the morning that would catch people's attention.

btw, none of us have dogs but we do have two cats but they will probably run a mile when our daughter brings the baby to visit.

Once again thank you to everybody that commented - it has been very helpful.

Those dammed gels are the reason noro runs rampant.. thy don't kill that virus and people seem to think they can rely on them over hand washing.

Op let them do their thing.. it'll be short lived and that baby will be eating crap off the floor when it's crawling like every other baby.

I threw the health visitor out for not hand washing.

In my defence dd was prem and TINY. And I'd had it impressed upon me that I was only allowed home on the strict understanding that we would rigorously enforce infection control. Odd that the only person who was a twat about it was the HV. Said she'd washed her hands a the last place. Yeah, and used several doors and a car since. I was seething.

And we try so hard here to not make gender assumptions. Sorry redrag!

Change of clothes is what I'd worry about. What exactly will that protect from?

I like handgels. They're quick and convenient. I thought they were as good as hand washing and I'm quite shocked the consensus here is that they aren't. I thought surgeons used them for emergency surgeries when they didn't have time to scrub in?

They are alright and they do kill a lot.

They don't kill noro . The only thing that gets close to killing noro is bleach but that's hit and miss . The only way to get rid of noro is down a plug hole with soap and hot water.

Those gels are ok but nowhere near as good as hand washing.

He wants you to change your clothes too . Hand washing / hand gel is one thing. That's really quite odd. Will he be doing likewise when he comes home from work.

Hmm. I wouldn't leap to conclusions but if he wants you to change your clothes on entry to the house then I would be a bit concerned. This could be part of a mental health issue.

Go with it OP. Have you forgotten how quickly 3 months goes with a baby (unless you're the parent when they can seem blooming long?.

To be honest, I was a bit 'please wash your hands' with both babies at that age and I don't think there's much really wrong with it.
I do think you need to accept that you're not in charge when it comes to this baby. Unless you think they're actually endangering a baby, you need to step back and let them get on with it. You sound a bit if a pain in the arse even if their ideas are bonkers.