DD2 due on Friday & need to find a new nanny...

[Halojones2014]

Hello,

So, my second little girl is due on Friday and last night my nanny let me know she will be working for another family come Feb next year.

At the moment I am in a nanny share with a friend but our nanny is finding it hard looking after 3 children, DD1 2.5yrs and my friend's 2.5 year old and her 8 month old and asked to work just for one family. We both offered her jobs and it didn't go my way. Which is fine but just terrible timing. It has upset me a bit though as for the past two weeks she has asked me to discuss her work situation with my friend and said (without any pressure from me) that she wanted to come to work for us!! Ah well...

It probably seems rather indulgent to have a nanny while on maternity leave. However, I got pretty depressed with my first and found being at home very difficult after being used to working. This time I intend to take 6 months off and then gradually build my hours up again ( I work for myself). I was hoping that the nanny share would have continued until May after which I would have sorted our own nanny out after that if needed.

Apart from being very confused about why my current nanny changed her mind, she is fantastic with my daughter. She is in her forties with grown children and is kind, gentle and patient. Plus v tidy, like me ( cleaning up after nannies drives me bonkers...).

So where should I advertise to get a new one? I thought I'd try Gumtree (where we found our current nanny) but nannyjobs.co.uk was useless last time and I'd like some other suggestions.

Sorry for the long post / moan and thanks in advance for any suggestions.

As a nanny I would look at local agencies, nannyjob.co.uk and have a look around childcare.co.uk

Thanks. I did find the applicants I got from nannyjob.co.uk a bit hopeless last time but I'm willing to give it another go. I was hoping to avoid agency fees - I would prefer to give the money to a nanny instead - but if anyone knows a good agency for hackney I would be interested.

It's bad timing but could be worse as in you could be at work and need a nanny

Hopefully you will find another nanny easily. Sounds a nice job is a 2.5 and new born

That's the problem with shares and when both have a 2nd child it gets harder and not surprised the nanny wanted to leave

Nannyjob childcare co.uk and gumtree or an agency are your options

There is a nappy valley site but don't know anything about it but think it covers London

Thanks Blondes. Yes, it would be worse if I was working. I don't blame our nanny for wanting to work for just one family. I would find looking after 3 young kids hard! I think I'm just more emotional about it as I'm massively pregnant and wanted some consistency for my eldest daughter...

I wouldn't worry about anything apart from your new baby at the moment, there's plenty of time to find someone. You're going to have your existing nanny until Feb anyway and it will be lovely for your daughter to have her existing nanny to look after her whilst you spend a bit of time with your new baby.

I think a lot of nannies don't like one of the parents being around when they're working - maybe that's why she chose the other family rather than you. I don't blame her though - the thought of looking after 2 toddlers and 2 babies..........

I'd just put an advert in both nanny job and gumtree after Christmas, it's not going to matter too much if you have a gap of a week or so between nannies.

Thanks Karoleann. Good to get some perspective. I'm a bit of a planner / worrier and wanted everything to go as smoothly as possible with my eldest daughter. Good to know that you think putting an ad in the New Year will give me enough time to find someone decent. Also pleased that Blondes thinks it will be an attractive position to nannies.

I would start looking now only as many nannies I know have 6/8weeks notice so if you look in jan and interview check ref interview again and offer - this could take a few weeks. Then they need to give notice

What's not to like 2.5 and new born - my ideal job :)

Blondes - are you looking for a job in hackney by any chance?!

Maybe she liked both families - and felt that you would be less 'in the lurch' with ML coming up?

Also - not to tell you how to live your life - but maybe the nanny giving notice is an opportunity to rethink your ML. I am a fan of the 'family bubble' approach to newborn days - spending a lot of time together.

My DC have actively resented being 'sent away' when there is a new person around.

I'm guessing you were paying her about £100 per day gross? That can go a long way to make a very comfortable time. How about picking from the following menu to 'replace' the nanny:

• taxis to lovely places
• fancy meals delivery services
• cleaning agency three times a week
• saving towards a nice end of ML holiday at a place with good childcare

-short sessions with a CM for DD2 from 6 weeks so that you can do some 'special time' with DD1 (I found it easy to find a great CM to do this for me in school hours - since they mainly are busy with after-schoolies).

• a nice present for DD1 from baby
• a once a week babysitter to get you and DH a night out
• private gym membership (somewhere with a good crèche).

5Childrenandit, you are totally telling her how to live her life ;) . If she feels better having a nanny, good for her (and some mother feel better having a nanny aprt time during ML before leaving the child full time to return to work. Nothing wrong with it).

Nothing wrong with it- but now that nanny is gone she benefits from a totally clean slate.

My nanny ditched me once at an awkward point - I ended up taking a year off work (!) - which was actually quite fun & I would never have done it if the nanny hadn't forced my hand. And she still babysits for us - and tutors my little girl in Spanish.

I appreciate your thoughts 5childrenandit but I'm guessing from your screen name you have 5 children and therefore very much enjoy small babies! I love my daughter dearly but I definitely prefer having a toddler to do games with / make stuff etc than a tiny (v demanding) baby. As I mentioned in my post, I got rather ill after my first and feel that having some help this time will help me to enjoy maternity leave, so that I can be at my best for the new baby and dd1. I feel very much a failure for not managing the first time round and it upsets me greatly that I wasn't a better mum for dd1 at that time. Hence how stressful I'm finding my nanny's decision. I've been really encouraged by the comments I've had back from my post so hopefully I'll find someone great for my family and have a chance at properly enjoying this maternity leave.

I'm terrible at babies! They have all (to varying degrees) failed to put on weight/not slept/reacted to milk etc etc etc. With DC1 I bled for 4 months, DC2 I was borderline psychotic from sleep deprivation - I ain't an example to no one.

The thing was that I was quite ... Sensitive at that time. I didn't like people being in my space & judging me for being dishevelled/baby crying/ house being dirty/not doing nice things with my DD etc. I think a nanny might have made me feel inadequate - like she was a better 'mummy' that me iyswim. (I couldn't have afforded one back then - but when I've had a nanny I tend to try to 'look' Like I'm a together parent).

My sanity saver was finding a local playgroup run by two childminders. Dd flat refused to go to pre-school - so I let her stay with me - and we'd do playgroup every day. That led onto meeting a lovely CM - and she let me use her as a drop in crèche for the baby - which gave me DD time.

If I had had the money when my second was born I would have spent it on a cleaner and on cafe food. Me and DD actually had lovely times watching CBeebies on loop - she was nice company and really doted on the baby - but the house was a disaster - and I did get quite cabin feeverish.

Basically - my experience is that you shouldn't underestimate the loyalty your DC have to you. Even as toddlers I find them forgiving of a slightly crappy mummy - and happy to do the family 'thing' (even if that is queuing at the HV).

If you have a certain amount of cash - I would consider spending it on you - specifically you yourself - rather than feeling like you have to spend it directly on your DD.

5childrenAndIt... This isn't about you. It's great that you have enjoyed being a stay at home mum, but why making everyhting about you.

OP said she had a hard time after the birth of her first one, she is stressed because her nanny will leave, she is about to give birth. What you think she should do has nothing to do with OP. It sucks to insist like that to impose your point of vue and take the risk to make OP feel bad about needing some help.

OP, don't worry, I am sure you wil find a great nanny. Now, you still have your nanny for the birth and the first few weeks, which are the worst ;)

sadly not, im kent, do you fancy moving?

please dont feel that you were a failure after having dd1, some mums dont like the baby stage, my ex ex mb was one, obv loved her children but struggled with them, hence went to work and when they got to 5/6yrs she coped better

she just didnt do babies

if you cant afford to have someone while you are on ml, then do, anything that makes your life happier and easier means you are more likely to enjoy no 2 more in their baby stage

How does suggesting getting a thrice weekly cleaner make the OP feel bad about needing help? I'm just pointing out that a nanny is a very expensive way of doing one particular thing: looking after DC.

Yes, that's exactly what OP wants. SOmeone to look after one child so she can focus on the other. Or have a nap if the baby sleeps and DC1 is outside with the nanny. Or have a bath and a nap when nanny outside with both. Or whatever she wants.

it's OK to ask for help, it's OK not to ask for help. Why just OP on how she spends her money?? DId she ask you to pay her nanny? ;)

Judge, not just

The OP wants her current nanny stay - and is concerned about the stress of looking for a new nanny while she's also adjusting to new baby.

Nannies are difficult and time consuming to recruit - so I suggested some ways to 'buy' support that can be arranged with a few phonecalls - and don't require emotional energy.

I would have loved my current nanny to stay. She is great and I am worried about finding someone as good. However, I'm not sure that extra cleaning / take aways etc would have made me less depressed last time. I'm not worried about a nanny judging me - I'm hoping they will be on my side! I think being able to have a short amount of time on my own everyday will save my sanity. DD1 is great but was a tough baby - she was always on the go and started walking at the end of her 8 month - she never just sat happily and played so I'm worried about having another demanding baby and a toddler to keep happy. I also know that many, many women manage to do this just fine hence feeling inadequate...