Would anyone care to share their house rules for nannies/au pairs with me?

[MrsFogi]

I'm trying to draw up a list and could do with some inspiration as my brain's not working too well after yet another night of trying to get dd to sleep for more than a couple of hours.

Hi ,

Some of the things I have mentioned:
The house
When leaving the house put the alarm on and close all windows
Do not allow anyone you don't know into the house when alone. Use intercom
Use of telephone ? can use for all local calls, I will provide phonecard for overseas calls.
Staying overnight at friends ? to let us know.
May want to include rules on friends/boyfriend?s visiting and staying over.
No smoking in the house including your friends.
If we run out of the milk, or other essential items ? to let me know so I can replace them.
Tidy up after themselves at weekends.
Take care with appliances

Children
Also included what I allow the children to eat/ snacks ect.
Limits on T.V
Safety when walking to school
How we discipline the children ? time out ect
We expect the children to be polite ? manners ect ( as customs vary)

I have also included local information, and all my personal contact details including schools , my mother doctors, all emergency numbers .

Hope this helps

Feeling very incompetent now my rules tend to be more of the try not to burn the house down and try to keep the boys from killing themselves/each other!
(i did have no smoking/ no overnight visitors with out prior arrangement and i set up a web cam and skype to stop use of the phone)

Thanks for the responses so far. jura, how does a girl CAT these days? Does anyone have rules about having/not having friends over while working?

Re friends, we have a rule that says "you may, and we would encourage you to, have friends round who are parents of the children's friends or who are also working as nannies and bring their charges with them".

We also say that our nanny is responsible for the behaviour of anyone she asks to the house - which probably works as a bit of a practical filter.

Generally we find that our nannies would not dream of bringing anyone else into the house without at least clearing it with us first and often without having introduced them to us.

Are you having nanny-friend problems?

i am a nanny, and my rules are pretty simple. No smoking, and no matter what i do the night before i still get the kids up, and if i'm sick (self inflicted) i just have to get on with it. I am not a child, and i would not apprehciate rules of who and when people can stay, its my house too, and so long as it doesnt interfer with my job, i'm free to do what i want. Things like locking the house and closing windows (i would think) are just common sense and if you need it in wrtitng for your nanny, do you really want them looking after your child?

"i would not apprehciate rules of who and when people can stay, its my house too, and so long as it doesnt interfer with my job, i'm free to do what i want"

there is no way i would give an employee a free hand on who could stay overnight in my house with my children.

The overnight visitors bit in my case is more to prevent a procession of dodgy boyfriends (luckily not a problem I have with my AP) It isn't that I feel she has any less right to have her friends into the house as it is her home too but it is a rule I would have for anyone of us in the house and is more about respect for each other than for laying down the law. After all if she were my daughter I certainly wouldn't expect to have unexpected overnight guests!

but then i respect the family back, and i would not just bring any body into the house. its about mutural respect.

EXACTLY

i was really thinking about this thread last night (what an interesting life i lead!!) and i think that 'rules' are something that need to be more than a disscussion between the nanny and family. I love children and especially my 2 charges. i would NEVER bring someone into the house that i didnt properly know and who i knew would not do the children any harm. there should certainly be a disscussion and how you inforce rules with the children, the parents should be a united front between parents and nanny when it comes to discipline, other wise children WILL play you of against each other! but again this should be a discussion, not RULES. you never know, the nanny may have a different idea that you havent tried!! As a Nanny/au pair we are NOT your daughters/sons, and that is important to remember.

Sarza

IME nanny and parent relationships are very different to Au pair relationships, I have had and do expect more of ?professional? relationship with nanny and have never had to write house rules of this nature. Since the children are older, Au pairs seem more apt, but are very inexperienced and need a lot of guidance, and only look after the children for the odd hour.( more of a big sister) Their English is often not great, so it?s easier to write it all down,and not leave anything to chance, as Ive learnt from past mistakes.

My point would be that a nanny and an Au Pair are 2 very different "jobs", by definition an Au Pair is someone who lives as part of the family to enable them to improve/learn the host language in return for pocket money NOT WAGES they will provide childcare and help in the house. As my AP is just 19 the relationship We have is NOT that of employer/employee treating her as an elder daughter (all be it a helpful one) works for us so I'm not sure that the critical comment made is really called for!

syrup, it was not meant as a critcal comment, just something to bear in mind. And i am going from more of a nanny point of view than an au pair. If i am honest i didnt know that au pairs worked in that way. i just thought it meant that they were from another country. i looked at many au pair jobs over seas and they were very similar positions to what i am doing as a full time, sole charge nanny.

I'd agree that no overnight visitors without express permission is a reasonable rule.

I'd allow occasional friends on nanny's off day but no way would I allow a nanny or au pair to invite anyone they wanted (and I didn't know) into my house with my children.

I'd include the rules/ instructions about things like burgaler alarm - we used to have these posted up in my place of work so why not at home too?

Other things:
rules about kitty for expenses, shopping etc
list of playgroups and activites - to be discussed monthly
Arrangements if nanny is ill
routine for child
discipline
any specifics about potty training/ night time wakings/ bedtime avoidance!

I thikn you do need to set rules, with an au pair they are in a way an older daughter/son, they are young an inexperienced in a forigen coutry and therefore need that guidance on what is appropriate.
With a nanny, they aren't your daughter but they are your employee. In any job I do I expect there to be rules and codes of conduct. I don't get offended because my work behaviuor policy spells out that I have ot lock up my office and not turn up drunk. i know it is down in writing to protect both parties.

I'd break it down into three parts:
first, rules that directly relate to the job - ie conditions of employment. These can go into the contract and should include things like.
No smoking on premises
No drunkeness/ drugs
Confidentiallity of employers lives

Any of these things being ignored is grounds for at least a written warning and possibly instant dismissal.

second:
guidelines regarding how to work within the family/ with your child/ren.
Include routines for child/ren
Discipline
Favourtie foods
rules about activities
Kitty or expenses sheet details

Thrid
Practicalities:
phone numbers
what to do in case of emergancy
local information - buses, bin day, recycling arrangements

Then you can draw up a list of specific duties if oyu feel the need for that, ie
take child to nursery
hoover playroom
keep toys clean

(not trying to offend any experienced nannies with that last suggestoin but for Au Pairs or new nannies I think its very useful to have the duties written down. Again in my job even though I had 6 years experience in the field I still had a full written job description and list of duties.)

Here are my basic rules.

1. NO SMACKING OR HITTING ? this is absolutely forbidden and I would have to ask you to leave immediately if you hit the children.
2. NO SMOKING ? in the house or in front of the children by you or any friend who may visit you.
3. NO DRUG USE EVER
4. MOBILE ? it is very important that your phone is well charged and has enough credit for emergency calls when you are with the children. Your phone must also be switched on whenever you are with the children.
5. NO STAYING AWAY OVERNIGHT ? unless agreed beforehand.
6. HOME BY MIDNIGHT ? when you are looking after the children the next day.
7. ALWAYS ASK PERMISSION if you would like to invite anyone to the house.
8. TELEPHONE ? please use your own mobile phone for personal telephone calls. You may use the internet link from time to time.
9. DO NOT LET ANYONE in to the house, unless I have told you they are expected or you know them yourself. If anyone calls to read the electricity meter or anything else, please ask them to return when I am at home.

10. MONEY ? I will leave £10 in a purse for any expenditure on the children (sweets, cakes or small treats or extra milk if required). Please ask for a receipt if possible. 11. SUPERVISION ? never leave the children unattended or on their own. 12. BEHAVIOUR ? the children should be polite to you. If you feel they are being badly behaved, please ask them to stop and tell them that if they do not stop you will have to tell me. 13. TIMEKEEPING ? it is very important that you arrive on time to collect the children from nursery and school.

Can i just ask at what point in the recruitment process do you discuss house rules when considering an Au pair.

With my last Au pair most of our expectations were tagged on to other information i had e-mailed, and the rest discussed on the phone in her native language, but learning from my past mistakes my list is getting longer

• how do you recruit your Au pairs agencies/ net / recommendations?

what selection process do you do? especially if you can't interview face to face?

I emailed my ap a "day in the life of" doc with the typical things I would expect her to do and a list of the house rules and expectations. I sent this after we had emailed and talked a couple of times and I wanted to make sure I didn't waste anymore time on someone who wouldn't be suitable. I gave her a chance to let me know exactly what she would be wanting etc ( a list of local churches was her particular thing).

After problems with first two aupairs I have included house rules and extremely detailed list of duties in my introduction letter.Have just confirmed new aupair to start next week from Slovakia.Feed back from the agency to my new 'lay down the law' intro letter was that the new ap thougth that there was ' a lot to do'-but she is coming anyway.My list is extensive and looks a lot when it is written down-however some of the items are tiny little tasks such as ensure children brush their teeth.I have felt the need to list every small detail as experience has taught me this can be necessary.I was worried that it might be off putting -it made us sound like disciplinarians which we are not by any stretch of the imagination.However doesnt seem to have put anyone off and I would rather ap found us nicer than she imagined than thinking we were soft touches and then we had to play 'harball'(what a horrible phrase). Our previous ap's weren't terrible but there were lots of niggles which wore me down.However I have learnt that that there will always be ups and downs having an ap-mostly its good.But I thought best for everyone if she/he knows what is expected of them.As for visitors since last aupair invited people to house who she had met on chatrooms,I have come down hard on this.Came home one evening to find 6 young men sitting at my kitchen table whilst children watching tv in sitting room.Ap could not understand why I was bothered she had met them on chatroom and as they were Turkish as she was that they must be ok.

I have read this chain with interest, and have actually felt compelled to respond. I thought it was really interesting to see how, largely, the nannies and aupairs thought no rules should be made and the parents thought they should. Firstly, I agree that a nanny and an aupair are very different, but as in any contract of employment rules or "terms and conditions" must be put in place as otherwise there is no contract. I have found, to my cost, that what I consider as common sense is not necessarily what my aupair sees as such. As for nannies, I am surprised that any professional would not expect proper terms and conditions. Perhaps that way they might achieve the professional standing their jobs should warrant, after all what is more important to any of us than our children?

I think that in the long run having a clearly defined set of basic expectations is much the best policy, a document that all concerned have agreed to, otherwise you just end up falling out over trivia as it builds up. The point for most of us in employing help is not to end up having yet another job to do everyday in explaining what we want and how we wish our children to be treated ? that should all be agreed in advance so that both parties know what to expect, and of course this should be followed up with plenty of open and honest dialogue. If issues arise they should be discussed and resolved and not brooded upon by either party.

I was actually shocked at some of the comments from nannies, such as ?it is my house and I should be able to bring in who I like? ? I have had half my aupairs family staying in the house ? and her boyfriend, but it was all discussed first and they were invited ? this is my house ? she is living with us yes, but it is not her house and she does not have a free hand in what goes on ? if she wished to have a series of young men then she could go and use a motel, not my home, I do not control her, but I am in control of what my children are exposed to and I do not wish them to think that I would condone such behaviour, nor would I expect to meet total strangers in the morning eating my cornflakes ? of either sex ? afterall I buy the cornflakes so I should have some rights! I know this may sound prudish to some, but surely our children?s welfare is the most important issue here? As before, if this is agreed in advance then everyone knows what to expect and no one should be disappointed. If anyone applying did not like this then they need not apply!

Also, we have a rule that the aupair must not be ?hung-over? when looking after the children ? I do not think this is unreasonable ? how much fun is it for a child to play with someone who is grouchy and headachy from over indulgence? If I turned up to work in this state I would be disciplined ? and being hung-over in charge of a computer is far less dangerous than being hung-over in charge of a toddler! Of course if she wishes to do this on her days off she is more than welcome.

My advice is read carefully what you can and should expect, write down what you personally want and expect and be clear in advance. Thereafter treat each other with courtesy and respect. Having the right aupair is fantastic, but having someone who thinks that all they have to do to earn their money is be there and enjoy themselves at your expense with the children?s welfare being secondary, and any chores done with bad grace and sloppily, is absolutely horrendous. Having an aupair should be a mutually beneficial relationship. We all have things in our ?job descriptions? that we don?t like, that is life; we do them because we like the rest. It is no different in this situation. It takes time and effort, but is well worth it in the long runs as you get the sort of person you want, and not someone who is so totally selfish and unreasonable as to resent you saying what you want to happen to your own home and with regards to your children. My aupairs turn out to be friends for life I hope, who keep in touch and come back, so I do not think what I have written is unreasonable.

A list of house rules/job requirements are no different from those issued to employees in offices etc.

I stay in lots of homes as a maternity nanny and temp/relief nanny and i find out things like:

If food is allowed in the bedroom,

What the hot water situation is like,

When is bin day,

The families routine/expectations,

I find that discussing these items as well as general chit chat makes sure we are all on the same page.

I had rules/job requirementrs as a live in nanny and found that everyone was clear and there were little if any annoyances occurring.

A nanny and AP job are different but then so to is the job of someone new to nannying v an experienced nanny.