Am I expecting too much of my nanny?

[carolinedd]

So, we've had our nanny for 6 months. She looks after my 3.5 ds and 16m dd twins 3 days a week when I work, but my ds goes to preschool 9-3:30 on two of these days. She's our first ever nanny and has nannied for twins and an older one previously (one of the reasons we hired her). Since she started I have been quite underwhelmed by her, she has done nothing terrible (apart from giving dd calpol once and not telling me), but has little initiative, and doesn't do half of the things in her contract.

She has a habit of washing the kids laundry, chucking it in the tumble drier and leaving it for me to find, and then I have to sort and put back in drawers. And she is just messy by nature. I don't mind coming home to toys everywhere, that's only to be expected with 3 little ones, but I do mind Cheerios, breadsticks and banana crushed into the carpet, spaghetti sauce smeared on the kitchen cupboards, finding stale food and bits of mashed fruit in the changing bag, and even to poo on the changing mat.

I also have concerns that she doesn't pay much attention to my ds, she does take them all out to playgroups (often very far away playgroups to meet her friends when there are perfectly good ones in and around the village, another bugbear) but he has not once done any drawing, colouring or crafts with him.

I'm just not sure that any of this is enough to give her notice over but even I am getting bored listening to me whining about her! She is very nice, I am rubbish at confrontation, and I guess I just don't want to hurt her feelings, but it does feel like we have another child in the house sometimes.

Hit me with opinions please....

Hah nannies NOT bunnies

ConfusedPixie- I don't think OP needs to worry about that, the nanny by the sounds of it isn't doing what she contractually agreed to do. I'm not saying instant dismissal, but they can give her a month/weeks notice without worry.

Bunnies?

It's not common, but you never know if somebody would do it. I wouldn't risk it personally unless they had really fucked up. In this case I'd consider the meeting today as the verbal warning if the issues are raised and it's clear improvements need to be made, and then give a written a month or so down the line if it deteriorates again and then fire after a similar time frame. I don't think that nanny employers should put up with shit nannies, but equally, I do think that nannies should be dismissed in the correct fashion, for both the nanny's sake and the families sake.

OP - you are quite right to be upset. Your nanny sounds slovenly. Her job is not just to mind your DC (that is a babysitter) but to take care of their physical needs and to clean up after them to your standards.

Maybe even three weeks down the line, as three weeks is good time for comments to have sunk in and improvements to have been made. Though I think I'd reassess it every few weeks tbh.

Just also wanted to add- someone questioned if she is lying about going out to others houses, what else is she not saying?
I think this for me would be the deal breaker, if I felt someone who was looking after my children wasn't telling me the truth, I wouldn't stay around to ask to many questions, I would just tell them to find another job.
It may sound a bit harsh, but I run my own childcare business now, and the people I employ, I need to be able to trust with my life, aswell as others lives. If I had any shred of doubt I wouldn't think twice about letting them go! X

it's all down to individual attitude. Have had a 22 yr old nanny straight out of a nursery who believed she should be on the same package as a nanny with 20 yrs' experience / 9 yrs with the same family and that housework was beneath her because she has certificates to show her qualifications. I now have a nanny who arrived with no formal qualifications (but took them to get Ofsted reg'd), no attitude and common sense. She makes my life easier by being part of our family - and she really feels part of the family.
Point I'm trying to make is that if it doesn't feel right, it's worth changing because when it works, it makes life so much better. Nannies are a luxury, and full time jobs aren't so thick on the ground that they should be complacent as employees when it comes to basic elements of the job. (also - she's been employed for only 6 mths so you can dismiss without going through the lengthy disciplinary process if you want, provided not for sex, religion, disability etc discriminatory reasons).

I would let her go. My 16 yr old babysits regularly for a friends toddler on Saturday mornings. In that time they play outside, do a craft, do some 'cooking' - mostly biscuit decorating, play games or watch a dvd. Dd keeps the child occupied and ensures they clean up, do loo etc. She is 16. If she can organise herself sufficiently to do that then an adult PROFESSIONAL certainly can.

RE today as the verbal warning, obviously not fulfulling her duties as in contract should have been mentioned sooner than 6 months in, but I do understand that it's bloody difficult in a nanny situation. Being on the other side of it I spent months being taken for a ride and just as I got the courage to mention it they made me redundant, but I wish I'd said something sooner and take it as a lesson for future jobs and any nannies I may employ in future!

Another though: doesn't she tidy as she goes along? It's so much easier. God knows I don't do it at home, my kitchen counter currently has last nights dinner stuff on it still, but at work, with the toddler running around constantly it's much easier to keep up at it during the day than to try do it before changeover!

Ami: A shred of doubt is different to not doing the cleaning though, if one of your employees in your business wasn't doing their contractual duties you'd probably call them up on it sooner rather than later, right? Whereas OP has let it slide and Nanny was taking advantage of that, as evidenced by her bucking up her ideas when OP mentioned a meeting.

Spring: Fair point RE being 6 months in, I forgot about that. Nannies and families do need to fit well, but not everybody thinks that. I had a job that I left at the 3 month point because it wasn't working for either side no matter how hard I tried, yet I was told that I was extremely unprofessional to do it by other nannies and agencies. At the time I believed that, but looking back I think that it would have been much less professional for me to have stayed because there would be somebody else much more suited to that family and I couldn't do the job to their standards and be happy, and I think a professional nanny does need to be happy in her role because kids do pick up on it. I also don't think that I had the experience to do that role at that time, which I was horribly ashamed to admit at the time but am happy with now.

I think cleaning or not doing washing/ironing, yes should be addressed as and when it happens, but for me bigger issue is being felt like I have been lied too.
OP- hope your meeting goes well and your satisfied with the outcome. I think your situation serves as a good reminder to keep communicating with employer/employee! X

Yes, that's definitely the bigger issue. The fact that it isn't in the book is worrying, it's one thing to forget to mention it at handover, totally another to omit information.

When it comes to things like lying or shall we say, deliberate omission, what you discover is usually the tip of the iceberg. What else has she been doing which she knows she should not which she is keeping from you?

The fact that she bucked up immediately upon your mentioning a 6 month review is proof she knows what you like done and which she should be doing but which she will get away with not doing for as long as she thinks you are too embarassed to raise it.

People like this are in the taking-the-piss mode with their employers and rely on your sense of awkwardness to not raise it with them. Another day of their getting away with cheating their employer is a victory for them. It is not about wanting to do a good job with them, it is finding the easiest possible life without getting fired.

You need to put her on performance management right away. Go through the motions of verbal and written warnings. Do not be fooled by temporary improvements. If she slackens again, pull her up promptly and record that. Build a case to get rid and then get rid. I doubt she will ever improve, from my experience.

If she does, it will be with another employer, not you because she needs to have that definitive kick up her backside before she will pull her finger out (sorry for the mixed metaphors).

Sorry for jumping in but I came across this as I'm looking at a nanny option for my dd instead of nursery. I would be expecting quite a lot from a nanny as the nursery she's currently at is great with daily updates, home cooked food etc but my hours are changing and I'm not sure it will carry on working so well.

Could you not go back to the agency where she's from if that's where you found her as do they not have to review her too? My husband is French so I'm thinking about a french nanny to get her speaking a lot more french than I offer! I'd looked at french nanny london as I'd heard good things but does anyone have any experience with agencies?

lisa agencies are merely the ones who introduce you, beyond that they don't usually stay in touch with the family and/or nanny. They do most of the legwork in the process of getting a nanny though, so if you're short for time they're great for that, you should always check references, certificates, qualifications and things yourself though!

Ah thanks and I had been told that with the agency I'm looking at that they would be able to sort out any problems if I needed to contact them but I guess it doesn't work the same with all agencies. I don't have a lot of time though so it would be fantastic for someone to do all the initial legwork for me!

Well, in case anyone following this thread is interested in the outcome, we decided to give our nanny her notice. We were concerned that she would quit on the spot (we had several good reasons for thinking this) when we told her, and so contacted a nanny agency in advance to put out some very discrete feelers for nannies looking for work. Unfortunately they were not the slightest bit discreet and my nanny saw her own job advertised before I even knew an advert had been posted. So, unsurprisingly she was very angry and quit on the spot. I don't blame her in the slightest, what a horrible way to find out, and a awful way to end things. We were probably naive to trust the agency. A very hard lesson learnt .

oh dear. Awful all round. Please sack that agency immediately.
(we saw our old nanny advertising on Net Huns looking for a new job before she'd handed her notice in. Transpired after she went that she'd also been inviting kids over on playdates and asking the parents if they'd hire her! People on both sides line up their next move. Don't beat yourself up. But sack the agency)

OP, you might want to ask yourself how your nanny knew that her job was being advertised. Was she also scouring ads? She flounced to give herself the high ground. In all probability, she was miffed because you beat her at her game. Oh, and don't use that agency again. In fact, you ought to tell them what happened and tick them off for being unprofessional in advertising the post before clearing with you. All in, good riddance to that lot.

Hope you find a good replacement soon and without too much disruption.

Many nannies still look on job sites even If happy

Agency was wrong but it happens

But guess in the end it's worked out ok - she's left

Hope you feel some relief from her leaving, an unfortunate situation but at least the decision is made one way or the other. For me it was like a weight was lifted! Good luck in the search for a new nanny, I hope you find a gem of a nanny who makes your life much easier and brighter.

blue I'm perfectly happy in my job but browse on a regular basis still. It allows you to keep on top of what type of jobs are available and the wage trends. Perfectly normal for a nanny to browse IME.

Sorry to hear though OP, do tell the agency that you found them extremely unprofessional though!