Am I expecting too much of my nanny?

[carolinedd]

So, we've had our nanny for 6 months. She looks after my 3.5 ds and 16m dd twins 3 days a week when I work, but my ds goes to preschool 9-3:30 on two of these days. She's our first ever nanny and has nannied for twins and an older one previously (one of the reasons we hired her). Since she started I have been quite underwhelmed by her, she has done nothing terrible (apart from giving dd calpol once and not telling me), but has little initiative, and doesn't do half of the things in her contract.

She has a habit of washing the kids laundry, chucking it in the tumble drier and leaving it for me to find, and then I have to sort and put back in drawers. And she is just messy by nature. I don't mind coming home to toys everywhere, that's only to be expected with 3 little ones, but I do mind Cheerios, breadsticks and banana crushed into the carpet, spaghetti sauce smeared on the kitchen cupboards, finding stale food and bits of mashed fruit in the changing bag, and even to poo on the changing mat.

I also have concerns that she doesn't pay much attention to my ds, she does take them all out to playgroups (often very far away playgroups to meet her friends when there are perfectly good ones in and around the village, another bugbear) but he has not once done any drawing, colouring or crafts with him.

I'm just not sure that any of this is enough to give her notice over but even I am getting bored listening to me whining about her! She is very nice, I am rubbish at confrontation, and I guess I just don't want to hurt her feelings, but it does feel like we have another child in the house sometimes.

Hit me with opinions please....

I was wondering about this compared to my job too. At first I thought that maybe she was struggling with twins , but then she shouldn't be if she's done it before. Like missmoo, this morning I was in at eight, kids finishing their breakfasts, dishwasher emptied and refilled and kitchen clean by 8:20. Had coffee, faffed with the fire place, cleaned/scrubbed the fire place and reset it and in the garden by 9:10. Toddler is asleep and the older two are with their mum so I'm on my break and will be hoovering and steaming the floor before kiddo wakes. I'm a nanny housekeeper but there is good time to do normal nursery duties even with twins surely?

Trust your gut reaction. If you have concerns then raise them sooner rather than later. Maybe start looking as a back up as you don't want to fall short.
If you do a review would start by asking her how she thinks she's doing, what is working for her and what isn't. Then ask or areas she thinks she cn improve on. Then you'll get an idea of how much self awareness she has. Then you can say from your perspective and make sure you use examples.
Sorry if this is teaching grandma how to suck eggs!

I know this is a bit left field, but is she short sighted?

It just strikes me that no one in their right mind would leave poo on a changing mat.

Otherwise, I think that you need a bit of a laminated checklist eg. -

Changing bag checked and re-stocked at the end of the day
No food crumbs on floor or surfaces.
Etc

Oh, and get one of those little Dyson handheld cleaners.

Food crushed into the carpets and sauce smears in the kitchen are normal though, especially if you are coming home at dinner time and she hasn't had a chance to clean up yet. There were many, many days like that for me when my LO's were under 4. How would she do colouring/crafts with your DS when she has the twins to look after? Sounds like she is not coping rather than being deliberately neglectful. Perhaps you could get a cleaner in to help her?

Give twins a toy to play with and then sit beside with crayons and colour with 3yr

This nanny has had twin experience and should be able to cope - she isn't for whatever reason

Have you had a chat yet op?

slightly shocked that anyone would question whether this was OK. poor you! no, its not at all reasonable but i imagine if its your only experience it might be hard to spot

i have a nanny who comes in two days a week and is aged 63. She looks after my 2 and 4 year old and the house is a lot cleaner than when she starts in the morning. she changes their beds and the guest bed every week, makes our bed daily and often cooks us dinner if she knows i am going to be late home. she does all the kids laundry and makes shopping lists. i have no idea how i would function without her and am terrified of her retiring!

i have just put her pay up from £10 to £10.75 net p.h.

Mimishimmi, I would only ever expect her to do crafts with my ds when the twins are asleep and they have about 2.5hours sleep a day after lunch. But blondes is right, I can entertain the twins and keep an eye on ds while he paints, colours etc at the dining room table.
We have arranged a meeting next Wednesday, although funnily enough, since I mentioned (in a very lighthearted way) having a 6 month review, the laundry has been done (2 loads this week which has literally never happened before), she's made ds bed (again a first) and she has been going the extra mile and has been baking (cheese and sweet potato muffins which went down a treat with the twins). While this is great, it also strikes me that she must have known what she should have been doing all along?

hmmmmmmmm, maybe shes on mn and read this and though shit i had better buck my ideas up

see how long it happens but still have chat and mention that recently you feel she is now doing the role better and how it should be - even say you were having concerns if coping and you were possibly thinking about discontinuing the role ....... and see how she reacts

Ok, so I think I might have to let her go. I got the car seats out of the garage this morning and the twins chairs are covered in animal hair (this has happened once before without explanation). My ds says that they went to the nannies friend's house who has a dog, and that the dog sat in the car seats. Now I know 3.5 year olds are not entirely reliable witnesses, but where have they been and why would any nanny in her right mind allow animals in the car seats? As far as I knew they had only been to toddler groups this week

Did she carry sleeping DC in to the house in their car seats, and then after the DC woke up and got out of the car seats, the dog climbed in?

I wouldn't be happy about not knowing if/when my DC were at someone else's house, though I know some employers are fine with this. But i think the nanny's job is to look after the DC, not to take them on her own social calls.

I wouldn't want someone who was supposed to be caring for my 3 under 4s to be doing laundry or housework. I would rather they interacted with the DCs. I would like a clean changing mat. I would ask her what activities, games, crafts etc she does with them each day. Perhaps she may do more of these things if she were not doing the housework. I have 3 under 4s myself and I concentrate on the DCs for most of the day. There is usually only time for a quick tidy.

Always trust your instincts when it comes to childcare I think. I hid my nagging doubts about my old nanny for ages until things came to a head. Once she had gone I found out some other things about her that reinforced my decision to sack her. I now have a truly lovely, helpful nanny who actually does above and beyond what I specifically have asked of her.

I really don't mind her taking them to other peoples houses sometimes, I would just expect her to tell me about it, but she didn't tell me or write it down in the days journal. So how can I trust what she says about where they have been? And if the dog did get in the car seat, she should have cleaned it before putting my dd in it.

The point is gilliangoof that she doesn't do any housework!

And my point was that I would not want her to as that would take time away from the children.

I don't expect her to neglect the kids to do housework but the twins sleep for 2.5 hours every afternoon and my son does preschool so she has that time completely child free.

Surely the seats would stay in car and not go in the house as twins 16mths so not in carry in the other nannies house

So how did dogs managed to sit in them?

My twins were 8 weeks premature and are still on the small side, so yes, still in the carry seats.

If she doesn't tell you where she is going with your children (or write it in the book) then you need to confront her about it. Some nannies are quite happy taking mindees to friends houses etc but as an employer it doesn't sit well with me unless it was for a playdate with similar aged children. It sounds like she doesn't fit with your requirements at all. As said previously, niggling issues can fester if left unsaid. If she is going to places without telling you about it then this represents trust issues which a nanny-parent relationship needs to be based upon. Ask her about the possible dog/friend/carseat issue and conduct a performance review. Difficult and delicate situation which needs to be handled with care.

oic @ car seats :)

tho as a nanny i may not say that i am going to xyz house for a play in the morning, but I would in eve say what we had done that day

Yes, 2 and a half hours a day to herself should be plenty to do quite a bit of housework. I see your point.

Also gilliangoof, I am absolutely crap at fitting any housework in during my days w the DDs but it is amazing how my nanny gets it done without resorting to cbeebies etc. They follow her around and help put the washing on the drying rack or play in their bedrooms while she makes beds/puts clothes away. They also help her put their toys away, which I think is fair enough! She gets on with things like cooking dinner while they are napping or playing independently, which for me is important too - I wouldn't want her in their faces all day, they need to be able to entertain themselves from time to time.

I've been a nanny and whilst it wasn't at all for me-I knew what was expected of me so I did it! However, a lot of nannies I met just saw it as a well paid excuse to hang out in others peoples lovely houses. The children never came to any harm,but they weren't stimulated or nurtured!
Now this is only a small percentage of nannies- but it isn't easy job so if her heart isn't it, then she shouldn't be there!
I think as time goes by more things will annoy you so unless you can have a frank discussion, followed by some kind of verbal warning, then I would just terminate the contract!
Good luck x

I wonder why she didn't tell you that she went to a friend's house, I think the fact that she writes a journal but didn't mention it in that would bother me. I could understand forgetting to mention things at changeover, god knows I do that often (about minor things obviously), but if she's writing a diary then there's no way it's just forgetfulness or having other things that need to be said.

AMI obviously not professionals then. And you can't terminate a contract after a verbal warning unless it's gross misconduct, lawsuit waiting to happen based on he-said/she-said.

How many bunnies have 'filed a lawsuit' when being sacked for being incompetent? Slightly implausible. I was constructively dismissed ( for not Shagging my boss) in a managerial role and didn't bother. Lawsuits happen a lot less than you think.