Am I expecting too much of my nanny?

[carolinedd]

So, we've had our nanny for 6 months. She looks after my 3.5 ds and 16m dd twins 3 days a week when I work, but my ds goes to preschool 9-3:30 on two of these days. She's our first ever nanny and has nannied for twins and an older one previously (one of the reasons we hired her). Since she started I have been quite underwhelmed by her, she has done nothing terrible (apart from giving dd calpol once and not telling me), but has little initiative, and doesn't do half of the things in her contract.

She has a habit of washing the kids laundry, chucking it in the tumble drier and leaving it for me to find, and then I have to sort and put back in drawers. And she is just messy by nature. I don't mind coming home to toys everywhere, that's only to be expected with 3 little ones, but I do mind Cheerios, breadsticks and banana crushed into the carpet, spaghetti sauce smeared on the kitchen cupboards, finding stale food and bits of mashed fruit in the changing bag, and even to poo on the changing mat.

I also have concerns that she doesn't pay much attention to my ds, she does take them all out to playgroups (often very far away playgroups to meet her friends when there are perfectly good ones in and around the village, another bugbear) but he has not once done any drawing, colouring or crafts with him.

I'm just not sure that any of this is enough to give her notice over but even I am getting bored listening to me whining about her! She is very nice, I am rubbish at confrontation, and I guess I just don't want to hurt her feelings, but it does feel like we have another child in the house sometimes.

Hit me with opinions please....

Have you told her what your expectations are?

I am surprised you make her do the laundry tbh, as i would hae thoguht that was more for an au pair (i don't have a nanny so don't know).

Other than that, she does sound a bit shit - how much do you pay her? roughly? How old is she?

Oh dear... I don't think you're being unrealistic. Our nanny does all the things you're looking for and I appreciate she is an absolute gem but sounds like yours is too far the other way.

I don't like confrontation either but if she's been with you 6 months you could frame it as a mid-year review type thing. Does she have some positive qualities you can mention to soften the blow (the proverbial 'shit sandwich)?!

Doing laundry is a fairly standard nanny job. We pay her more than average for her level of experience and also give her more holiday than we have to, as we wanted to be decent and fair employers and keep hold of a nanny rather than messing the kids around. Yes, we've through expectations and it's all in her contract which we all agreed on before she started.

definitely not expecting too much!
I wash and dry clothing for 3 children, sometimes even iron it!
I manage to do the school run, then nursery run and get toddler to a playgroup 2/4 days I work.
I would never imagine leaving the house messy for parents!
how about suggesting a 6 month review and say it would be a great time for both of you to give feedback on how you think it's going.

I think children's laundry is a standard part of the nanny job spec although I was pleasantly surprised when I found this out! There are some days when our nanny doesn't get a chance to hang up/ take out of washing machine but there is always a good reason for it. And she often folds ours/puts the tea towels etc on so on balance she's certainly not shirking her laundry responsibilities!

oh gosh, im sorry, i wasn't being snarky in my questions, i just genuinely don't know what nannies earn. I was always under the impression they earn quite good money though so wasn't being funny, but see that it reads that way.

6 month review sounds a good idea.

See, if she were like mary poppins with the kids and they adored her, i'd be inclined to suck up the messiness, but as she doesn't seem too engaged with the kids i'd be getting shot before they get too attached.

Thanks everyone. Ktay, I think you're right, I wouldn't mind if she had been busy, the kids had being playing up etc, but it's the fact she doesn't even tell me that the laundry is sitting in the drier that annoys me.

No problem LEM, didn't think you are being snarky, appreciate anyone taking the time to post

If they expectations are in the contract, and she isn't meeting them, then you need to invoke the disciplinary procedure [i.e. start off informal and then move to formal verbal and written warnings] as otherwise you could be left with her and no ability to dismiss if you don't bring this up now.

We had a nanny who was also very lazy when it came to tidying up (similar food issues), would shove toys into cupboard so they fell out when I opened the door, didn't do anything creative with the twins or eldest, couldn't cook at all and would leave me with washing in the dryer to sort out. Goodness do you have our ex nanny? However, ours refused to use her car so the trio at least went out to the odd local group whilst our second nanny went everywhere in our car to meet her friends with our brood (also a bugbear here too). With our first nanny, we did a job review and outlined our issues with her not fulfilling contractual obligations. We gave a period of time for improvement and then ended up with verbal and written warnings. She left just as she was going to get her dismissal letter. It was a relief for all of us as we also started to have suspicions of her mistreating the twins (bruises in nappy area) and the eldest had finger mark bruising on her legs. If you are not happy with your nanny then you must deal with it. No one likes confrontation of this nature but I can assure you it will only grate more as time goes on. I felt like I was having to do so much more after a long day at work, ie batch cooking, cleaning up, laundry etc that it is easy to become resentful. Tell her you want an appraisal and get it out into the open.

I rem you posting about her before - things obv havnt improved then :(

A 6mth review is good. You can go over what is expected ie in contract - but she should be able to look after 3 young ones / put washing on and tidy up after theirselves / but not your mess

Has the food / meal improved?

If you don't want her to go to such far out m&t - then tell her - or go once a week to meet friends (with kids similar ages) and other days stay more local

Nannies are not mind readers so you need to tell her if you are unhappy with her or not doing job properly

As a nanny I really think she might be struggling. I have looked after 3 and it is hard work but can honestly say apart from the odd day (I remember one week when they all had D&V and I was run off my feet with nappy/pants/washing!) I have got most things done. I have sometimes not got all the washing done and in dryer for me to do the next day. I think you do need that review and really find out if she is up to the job.

You aren't being unreasonable at all. 6 months into the job she really should have got it sorted.

There are lots of things that would bug me, some easier to clamp down on than others, but I agree you need to have a review and point out where you expect improvements to be made within a realistic timescale. If at the and if that there's no change if proceed to disciplinary. If you' re going to fire her for being incompetent you need to be able to back it up and you'll want to mention it on a reference too.

I don't think you're expecting too much. Does your nanny have nannying experience? If she has come straight from a nursery or similar environment, she may have a learning curve. But she should be striving to get there, not accepting it not working.

My nanny looks after my 3 DC 2 days a week. She does laundry and it is always folded and put away. She also tidies up after the children and clears away any mess from their eating/playing.

Tbh, if you're not happy, I would look for someone else. It's an important relationship, and when it's right, you know.

Blondes, things have got slightly better, she is cooking decent meals now and I asked to write what they have eaten. But nothing else has improved really. She is more like a babysitter than a nanny really.
But thanks everyone, will set up a review and let you know how it goes...

Maybe if she is struggling with the 3 children + chores required, in her review you could make a hierarchy of tasks/chores in importance that she can refer to. Rather than just referring to the list of tasks in her contract.

The thing is I don't think she is struggling. My ds is in preschool for full days, the twins sleep for 2.5hrs after lunch, and of course she deserves a break when they sleep but in 2.5hrs, surely she could fold the laundry or clean up breakfast cereal off the floor? Some days she doesn't even have to cook tea because she freezes portions and just defrosts it. And in those days she often doesn't do any chores. I just think we've been too nice and she thinks what she is doing is fine. It's time to let her know otherwise....

I have no experience of nannies at all, but in his nursery, DS used to come home every day with a report of what he'd done that day: what he'd eaten, his interaction with the nursery staff, his activities, what he'd particularly enjoyed (all these years later I still remember phrases such as: "has enjoyed practising standing on his strong little legs" with a bit of a lump in my throat ) and so on. Even what nappy changes he'd had!

It just struck me when you wrote that you had to ask her to write down what they'd eaten. DS's key worker at nursery, with however many DC she was responsible for, used to do more than your nanny seems to!

The thing is I don't think she is struggling. My ds is in preschool for full days, the twins sleep for 2.5hrs after lunch, and of course she deserves a break when they sleep but in 2.5hrs, surely she could fold the laundry or clean up breakfast cereal off the floor? Some days she doesn't even have to cook tea because she freezes portions and just defrosts it. And in those days she often doesn't do any chores. I just think we've been too nice and she thinks what she is doing is fine. It's time to let her know otherwise....

The thing is I don't think she is struggling. My ds is in preschool for full days, the twins sleep for 2.5hrs after lunch, and of course she deserves a break when they sleep but in 2.5hrs, surely she could fold the laundry or clean up breakfast cereal off the floor? Some days she doesn't even have to cook tea because she freezes portions and just defrosts it. And in those days she often doesn't do any chores. I just think we've been too nice and she thinks what she is doing is fine. It's time to let her know otherwise....

Though having worked in nurseries I can say that such reports are quite creative at times. Have known some to be written in advance of children actually doing something. I am sure it depends on the keyworker and management but use any reports like that as a guide. Some nannies do keep daily diaries, often if caring for babies rather than older children. It can be helpful to get a feel for what happens in the day and can be matched up with photos, mileage and expenses claims if necessary.

thought about this post this morning when I got to work.
I start at 8, by 8:15 all 3 children were eating breakfast and I already had a load of laundry on.
It's now nearly 2pm, I have just had my lunch and I am sitting down with a cup of tea watching the telly. children are napping and all the laundry has been put away and their dinner is in the oven cooking.
I really think she's lazy and disorganised!

Wow MissMooMoo! Not looking for a new job are you

Hi I agree with miss moo moo ,I starteud looking after my three when the twins were just two and their brother three.they are now 7 and 9.I get to work at 7 put a load of washing on sort out breakfast and get clothes/ uniform out .I have always done all washing ,ironing, tidy all areas where the children have been by the end of the day,definitely she could be cleaning up after they have eaten.Obviously it is much easier now and Iagree that it is hard when they are little but if you are organised these things are part of our duties.