Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

New (ish) au pair has written off the car....

64 replies

OvertiredandConfused · 08/04/2014 22:29

Our au pair has been with us for a month. We haven't gelled with her especially well and there have been a few niggles. However, our last au pair was our best by far, became part of the family, and we felt things were coloured by that and wanted to give things time to settle. I should say that never, at any point, have we had any concerns about her driving. I would never compromise on that. And our DC (10 and 12) haven't said anything either.

Driving is an essential part of the role. Not long distances, usually 10-15 minutes max. With it being half term, she offered to drive my eldest to a theme park place about 30 minutes away on local roads.

On the way back, so no children in the car fortunately, she was in an accident. Three cars involved, police, fire and ambulance called. One car had to have the roof cut off. Fortunately, no-one seriously injured and no hospital admissions.

It looks almost certainly as if it was our au pairs fault. She has said as much and traffic officer at the scene implied it in conversation with my dad (who was closest and so able to go to the scene). In fact, careless driving is a serious possibility. DC have since told me that her driving today was really bad and they nearly had an accident en route to the drop off. Whilst there may be some exaggeration after the event, there is clearly truth in what she says.

I am really struggling to unpick it all and decide what to do. I'm obviously making sure au pair is okay (she is physically) and telling her to rest, making her meals etc. However, I am furious. There is no way she can continue with us now - I can't let her drive my children or their friends again. Our car is a right off and we can't afford another one. I have no idea how we will manage with only one car. And I have no childcare. Really I want to send her home as I can't see any way of salvaging this - not least because safety is utterly non-negotiable.

WWYD?

And for those who want to flame me for using an au pair, can I clarify that I pay above average, give them plenty of time off, use of a car (ironically), have DC who are fairly self-sufficient at home and I always go for someone 22 or over, so not a homesick teenager.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

PinkLemons · 08/04/2014 22:33

How did she say the accident happened? Do you know if the police are considering prosecuting her?

Twitterqueen · 08/04/2014 22:38

I'm not sure why anyone would flame you for having an au pair? Why shouldn't you?

I would agree that clearly she cannot continue with you. Apart from anything else you will never be able to trust her with your DCs - no surprise or blame there.

Do you know whether she was breathalysed at the scene? I'm wondering why her driving was so bad on the way to the park. Are you sure she has a proper licence? Where is she from? Did you employ via an agency?

It's difficult to comment without knowing all the facts but this is clearly a mess. You appear to be doing everything right as far as I can see - but who am I to judge!

You have my sympathy and I would be quietly fuming, seething and totally, completely pissed off if I were you - and thankful your DCs weren't in the car.. Get rid as soon as you decently can

breatheslowly · 08/04/2014 22:39

In your situation, an au pair sounds like exactly the right choice of childcare. Don't worry about being flamed for that.

Do you think she wants to stay?

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 08/04/2014 22:41

Was she fully insured to drive the car? Surely your insurance company will pay out if so? They should provide you with some sort of replacement until then. Hope she's ok, sounds awful, poor girl.

LongPieceofString · 08/04/2014 22:42

Oh you poor things. I expect AP is mortified. Police would have breathalysed and she'd have been arrested so I don't think you need to worry on that score.
Can she still be a useful AP without driving?

LongPieceofString · 08/04/2014 22:43

Mydog, if our car was written off the insurance money would be peanuts compared to what it is worth to us. I hope OP is in better situation though

BonaDea · 08/04/2014 22:45

Forget it. As soon as she is well enough, just terminate her employment and find another.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 08/04/2014 22:51

It might be peanuts but it will be market value of the car and better than nothing. The idea is that you can replace the car.

Original poster

OvertiredandConfused · 08/04/2014 23:17

Thanks.

Twitter She wasn't breathalysed but I know she hasn't drunk alcohol since arriving in the UK. She is Australian, international licence valid until August. Recruited our usual route - au pair world.

mydog Named driver on husband's car. All legit as he drives it more than her.

longpiece Insurance pay out will be minimal and don't think we are covered for a courtesy car. But yes, we will eventually get something. No, she can't do the job without driving.

She hasn't apologised. Says she didn't brake in time at a small crossroads.

When should I tell her? How much notice to arrange a flight? And do I still pay her - in full or part?

OP posts:

blueshoes · 08/04/2014 23:28

She has not apologised? I am speechless.

You must of course get rid of her but check with the insurance company whether they need her around to give evidence. It would be too easy for her to disappear leaving you with the legalities.

Much as I would like to make her disappear, it would be better to do a bit of research first. Perhaps suggest that she finds another family so at least she is around ...

PigletJohn · 08/04/2014 23:40

I have an Australian BIL, he lived in UK many years ago and still has a licence.

I looked into making him a named driver on his last visit, and IIRC they asked "does he have a full UK driving licence" and "has he driven regularly in the UK for the last 12 months"

Unless I am remembering it wrong.

VeryStressedMum · 08/04/2014 23:48

Is she actually allowed to drive here in the UK? And is she insured fully comp?

VeryStressedMum · 08/04/2014 23:49

And why will your insurance pay out be minimal?

MissMalonex2 · 09/04/2014 00:19

I've had au pairs insured on my husbands car - and it didn't matter that they didn't have a full UK driving licence / hadn't drive in UK in last 12 months. They did have to be insured for business use though - not just social, domestic etc

OP - can you speak to the police yourself? I think I'd want their take on whether she was driving carelessly

Original poster

OvertiredandConfused · 09/04/2014 07:49

Morning.

She is definitely allowed to drive and is covered fully comp. At the time we added her to the insurance we specified the type of licence and were irritated that an Australian costs much more to insure than a European, despite the language and the fact we drive in the same side.

I am going to try to speak to the traffic officer who attended myself and DH will speak to insurance company.

Insurance payout will be minimal due to market value of car. We bought it from BiL who had it from new so know it's history etc and it's worth more to us than market value because we know that IYSWIM. Not suggesting what we get won't be fair. At the moment, my focus is getting that resolved ASAP as we really need a second car.

Out of interest, assuming she wasn't a totally blameless victim of a random idiot driver, how much difference would the degree of culpability have on what you'd do? And do you think it's reasonable for me to reduce her pocket money while she is still here - not as punishment or because she is off sick (wouldn't do that) but because she is unable to perform many of her duties and I'm having to make alternative arrangements.

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/04/2014 10:18

Accidents happen. I rolled my employers car years ago with kids in it

To get rid of her coz of the accident seems petty - tho you said hadn't jelled

Obv a sorry helps and I felt awful over my accident and said sorry countless times

Both db and mb fab - said cars can be replaced - kids and I can't and as we were ok the accident didn't matter

It's not like me or your au pair did it on purpose

Surprised police didn't breathalize. They normally do when other cars are involved

Did you go out with her in the car to check /judge her driving?

In the end we have insurance incase have an accident and yes payout usually less but as car is written off ie no roof then the company should pay out asap as long as fully comp

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/04/2014 10:22

And course you have to pay her. She can't do duties as has no car
But it is holidays and can still look after kids at home till a car is sorted

Most insurances have a curtesy car for least 14days while you sort out another car

Yes it's annoying but in the end it's a car and no one is hurt

LongPieceofString · 09/04/2014 10:25

The situation with your car 'insurance value' v 'value to you' is what I meant earlier. Ours is probably an old banger to anyone else but because we know it's history/reliability it's worth more to us. I really feel for you.

Can't believe she hasn't apologised! That would be a deal breaker for me.

TheScience · 09/04/2014 10:26

Not sure where you stand legally on reducing her pocket money - was there anything about deductions or paying more for a driver in the contract?

If you do send her home, won't it cost you a bomb to fly her back to Australia?

thoughtsbecomethings · 09/04/2014 10:26

While I was a nanny I crashed my employees car and it was a write off. Thank goodness I wasn't hurt and the kiddies weren't in the car. Accidents happen my employees especially the woman treated me terribly afterwards and didn't even ask if I was ok.

meditrina · 09/04/2014 10:31

When will the police have completed the investigations into the incident?

If she is to face charges in Court, she will not be allowed to leave the country until they are dealt with. Have you factored this in?

If the accident is not her fault, then you need to make sure you sack her properly - presumably relying on DC account of dangerous driving at other times?

blueshoes · 09/04/2014 10:46

If driving is an essential part of her job and you no longer trust her to perform it, then she has to be let go.

It is not difficult to get rid of aupairs. If you wish to go down that route (after checking the insurance claims side of things), then just tell her that perhaps she should find another family and give her sufficient notice to do so and time to attend interviews. It is much easier for her to find another family once she is in the country. She would probably prefer that since the cost and trouble of going back to Australia may be too great. If she has not been working for you for that long, she can easily discount the time she has been with you (i.e. pretend she did not work for you) and saves you having to give her a reference.

Many of the aupairs who left me left to go to another family or job. You can also ask whether she has friends she can stay with whilst she is looking. Once you broach this subject, I suggest you find another aupair asap if not before you approach her because there is a risk she may decide to leave you in the lurch soon after.

I don't have confidence that an aupair who does not apologise to her host family after such a serious error would be a decent sort of person.

Degustibusnonestdisputandem · 09/04/2014 11:05

Why did she need an international licence anyway? When I first moved here from Australia my full Australian licence was sufficient for me to go on others' insurance, & there's never been any problem putting my family on my insurance when they visit. (I'm really hoping she was on her full licence...)

The lack of apology is appalling.

slowcomputer · 09/04/2014 13:04

I love how threads where people have serious problem with their au pairs always end with people suggesting that the au pair os encouraged to move to a new family with no reference. would you be happy to find out that you had taken on this woman witbout knowing any of the circumstances in this thread?!

MissUumellmahaye · 09/04/2014 13:13

If she was driving carelessly I would struggle to let her drive again.

In terms of the insurance, I was once able to increase the amount an insurance company offered me for a written off car by sending them copies of adverts for the same model in the same area with comparable mileage that were priced higher. I know you'll still end up out of pocket but you may be able to minimise the gap.

Flip

1 2 3