New (ish) au pair has written off the car....

[OvertiredandConfused]

Our au pair has been with us for a month. We haven't gelled with her especially well and there have been a few niggles. However, our last au pair was our best by far, became part of the family, and we felt things were coloured by that and wanted to give things time to settle. I should say that never, at any point, have we had any concerns about her driving. I would never compromise on that. And our DC (10 and 12) haven't said anything either.

Driving is an essential part of the role. Not long distances, usually 10-15 minutes max. With it being half term, she offered to drive my eldest to a theme park place about 30 minutes away on local roads.

On the way back, so no children in the car fortunately, she was in an accident. Three cars involved, police, fire and ambulance called. One car had to have the roof cut off. Fortunately, no-one seriously injured and no hospital admissions.

It looks almost certainly as if it was our au pairs fault. She has said as much and traffic officer at the scene implied it in conversation with my dad (who was closest and so able to go to the scene). In fact, careless driving is a serious possibility. DC have since told me that her driving today was really bad and they nearly had an accident en route to the drop off. Whilst there may be some exaggeration after the event, there is clearly truth in what she says.

I am really struggling to unpick it all and decide what to do. I'm obviously making sure au pair is okay (she is physically) and telling her to rest, making her meals etc. However, I am furious. There is no way she can continue with us now - I can't let her drive my children or their friends again. Our car is a right off and we can't afford another one. I have no idea how we will manage with only one car. And I have no childcare. Really I want to send her home as I can't see any way of salvaging this - not least because safety is utterly non-negotiable.

WWYD?

And for those who want to flame me for using an au pair, can I clarify that I pay above average, give them plenty of time off, use of a car (ironically), have DC who are fairly self-sufficient at home and I always go for someone 22 or over, so not a homesick teenager.

So, I saw the traffic officer on Friday, immediately after he took her statement. All, including AP, agree she was at fault. Prosecution unlikely but she will be asked to do a driving course.

He helpfully explained how insurance works in UK. Penny started to drop as to how much money it will cost us. Still no apology, offer of contribution (even token) etc.

Earlier today DH and I sat down with her and explained that, although there are several issues that concern us, there is little point discussing them because the one issue that we can't resolve is the fact that we can no longer afford to insure her to drive. I told her to take a few days to decide what she'd like to do and then, once she'd decided we'd agree a reasonable timescale for her to leave. I made it clear that we won't turf her out in the next few days but that she should plan to go sooner rather than later.

No reaction. Still moody and sulky, albeit with more reason!

Your aupair needs to thank her lucky stars, not only with the police but also your measured reaction. You are a bigger person than I.

Her attitude beggars belief - I cannot understand how she still refuses to apologise even though she admits she is at fault. Sulky and immature. Silly silly girl.

If I were her parents, I would be very ashamed of her. Anyway, you had done the only right thing to let her go. YOu should look for another aupair asap and press her for a reply.

Once you have the start date for her replacement, you can move her on more definitively. Avoid any overlap between aupairs so she does not have a chance to poison the new one. There is no evidence she will but just better to be safe.

Your insurance company will probably need to interview her before they even agree to pay out so do ensure she's around for that or you could be waiting weeks to be paid the money you're owed. And definitely definitely definitely get examples of other cars like yours for sale. I've managed to increase the amount offered to me by my insurance company by 30% because the market value in glass's guide isn't as accurate as it should be. Good luck!

Has she deigned to inform you of her plans yet?

She "expects" to have another job by Saturday. She's already been offered one apparently. I might have found another au pair and so will need her to go within days. Haven't really seen her since yesterday morning! Will talk to her tomorrow. Just want her out now!

Progress. You are almost there. Once she is gone, it will be like a cloud lifted and the relief palpable. Good luck.

She's going tomorrow :-)

Now just need to find her replacement!

That's great!

She's gone! Still no apology, but she did clean her room and change all the bedding. Feeling so relieved. No doubt reality will hit tomorrow as I have no childcare in place from Monday onwards, but at the moment I'm just happy. And hoping we have better luck next time!

I always book my au pairs a two hour driving lesson a couple of days after they arrive. And I get feedback from the driving instructor about whether he feels they need another lesson or not. All my au pairs so far have come from Spain so it's useful for them have the lesson to get used to driving on the other side. But even if they are used to driving on the left I would still book a lesson as driving in Dublin is hugely different to driving in other places like Australia or UK where the roads are wide and the other drivers don't do weird things while going above the speed limit.

My au pairs have to be over 25 or the car insurance is horrifying so they would all have been driving for at least 5 years.

Best of luck with your search. I have had a string of lovely, laid-back, male, Spanish au pairs and have just recruited another one to start in June.

I do the driving lessons too GreenMonth and use the same instructor. Really struggling to find a 23+ driver for quick (ish) start.

Try Prestige Childcare? They have some on their books.

Sorry, meant Prestige Au Pairs.

Oh you poor thing :( When OH wrote off our car, which we had bought three years previously for 2k, we got 400 for it. We should have pushed them on it really, as we wouldn't have been able to buy the same car for that, but we were a bit shell shocked. They also took our hire car away the moment they agreed the settlement, but before we got the damn cheque, never mind cashed it. It does leave you massively out of pocket. Can you get a diddy little thing, like a Micra? They're cheap and reliable, and you can get five door versions which will fit actual people in the back, not just car seats. We also found them delightfully cheap to insure because they have a teeny engine.