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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Au Pair... Strange sense of not all as it seems.... Please advise!

25 replies

3littlewomen · 27/12/2013 18:49

Hi there,

Hoping all you very experienced hosts can give me some idea as to if I am being paranoid...

Advertised on well known au pair website for a suitable young lady to spend a year with our family. Fairly quickly had a response from a lady that seemed to fit our family very well. Messages went back and forth and eventually we skyped. I began to have a fear it was all to easy - she really wasn't asking much about here living conditions etc... Just how gorgeous the kids were etc. the English in the messages were perfect and I got the feeling when skyping her there was someone else in the room feeding the correct English to her... Just dismissed these feelings as me being paranoid or worried about what is a new experience for our family.

So messaged a few days ago asking for confirmation of flight nd he messaged back saying she is sorry she has not been in touch as her parents have just divorced and she has found out he is 3 weeks pregnant. She would however like to come over for 6 months to au pair.

I am not sure what to think. Whilst these life events do of course happen, would it be usual to wish to travel to an unknown country during your pregnancy? Is this a good idea to get involved in? Sadly I am waiting for the mail asking for help to pay for the flight and our money to be gone.

What's your thoughts on this ladies??

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

gamerchick · 27/12/2013 18:50

Wouldn't touch it with a barge poll. Trust your gut.

Original poster

3littlewomen · 27/12/2013 18:56

Thank you gamerchick... Keep going back to the mantra "the only time you instinct fails you is when you ignore it"...

However, do have a slight tendency to be a bit paranoid

OP posts:

Bigbrassband · 27/12/2013 19:01

Nope. Go through an agency, then at least you should be protected from potential scammers.

mummy1973 · 27/12/2013 19:14

Trust your I instinct I think. Even if she does come are you going to be happy given you have doubts?

NigellasDealer · 27/12/2013 19:16

no no no

Original poster

3littlewomen · 27/12/2013 19:31

Thank you everyone. I think it's not a good sign I am concerned even before she has arrived!

Lord, it's a minefield. Think we will be a lovely respectful family to live with and have no intention of taking advantage of anyone.

My gut tells me it just doesn't add up.

OP posts:

crazyafterall · 27/12/2013 19:33

No way :)

LCHammer · 27/12/2013 19:47

No. While the majority of pregnancies are straightforward, I wouldn't want to be the employer in your situation.

RosieAndJimRosieAndJim · 27/12/2013 19:50

Sadly I am waiting for the mail asking for help to pay for the flight and our money to be gone.

I think you've already realised this is a non-starter!

blueshoes · 27/12/2013 20:00

Agree with all the posters. Give this one a swerve.

MGMidget · 28/12/2013 00:01

I'd probably not cite pregnancy as the reason for change of mind though - not that it seems to be anyway but, in case she's a scammer, don't give any ammunition for her to make trouble.

GoodnessKnows · 28/12/2013 07:25

spiderbabymum · 28/12/2013 07:35

Are u in Scotland by any chance ??

EasterHoliday · 28/12/2013 07:42

This smacks of NHS tourism to me

Original poster

3littlewomen · 28/12/2013 11:41

No sorry not in Scotland - and we do not have the NHS in Ireland, we have the HSE (where yes pregnancy care is about the only thing that is free).

She is coming from Spain, but as we have been messaging for a couple of months and she has just found out she is 3 weeks pregnant could she really be that calcuated in her timing? Maybe the first scan would date her further on? No mention of a partner etc...

I have resigned myself to this being a non-starter. Too much hassle and my instinct tells me we would regret getting involved. As I have 5 DC myself and a business with my DH we just don't have the time..

Ho hum, back to the drawing board!!

OP posts:

Featherbag · 28/12/2013 11:45

How can she be 3 weeks pregnant?! Surely 4 weeks is the very least pregnant one can be?! At 3 weeks she's essentially only telling you she's had sex in the last 10 days or so!

Original poster

3littlewomen · 28/12/2013 12:18

I thought that aswell Featherbug.... but I do know in some other countries they date pregnant different i.e. from date of missed period etc!

OP posts:

Original poster

3littlewomen · 28/12/2013 18:55

Another message from au pair / this time more believable. She is 26, and aftere asking she has confirmed she has booked flights a month ago. She has also said she understands if we do not wish to go ahead due to the pregnancy but she would still live the opportunity.

She has said she is excited at the thought of becoming a mum.

Now... I was 24 when I has DS1, I was in the middle of my PhD - I would have been so angry if someone had deceided I was not fit to carry on just because I was pregnant (carry on I did, finishing studying on the Friday to give birth the next Monday). So I am thinking maybe I should afford her some respect... I would have hopes people would have done the same for me. What do you think?

Hasten to add I taking the rather unanimous do not go there comments on board - but I feel bad if she is going to lose the cost of the flight (she has said flight is already booked)

Many thanks

OP posts:

MGMidget · 28/12/2013 19:57

Is she just telling you that though so that if you don't go ahead she can lean on you for money? She booked flights without telling you when she would be arriving? Normally au pairs want to be picked up at the airport or at least at a station so they tell you when they are planning to arrive before booking.

LCHammer · 28/12/2013 21:16

Do you think she can adjust to life abroad and looking after 5 DCs whilst trying to sort out her feelings and her life as well? I think you owe more to your own piece of mind than you do to a stranger.

DinoSnores · 28/12/2013 21:19

I still wouldn't. This is someone you are going to trust with your children. If you have any concerns (and you said you had a few before so the pregnancy isn't really what started this), then you should not proceed further.

blueshoes · 28/12/2013 21:36

I cannot help feeling that she is trying to get you to reimburse her for her flights. I would be very careful about this being a scam.

In my extensive experience with aupairs arriving from abroad or even from another part of the UK, they normally co-ordinate arrival time so that it is convenient for the host family to pick up or at least to let them into the house. So I would agree with MGMidget.

rubyslippers · 28/12/2013 21:40

No way would I be doing this

It sounds like a scam :-(

I guarantee you would pay for the (non existent) flights and never hear from her again

We are in the process if getting an au pair & they are paying for their own flight over - not even asked us to pay

SoldeInvierno · 29/12/2013 17:03

Sounds like a scam to me. But even if it isn't, I would keep away. She sounds irresponsible and you'll end up with 7 children instead of 5

HandsOffMyGazBaz · 29/12/2013 17:12

What part of Ireland are you? I know a great au pair who is finishing up with family and would love to continue living here rather than mov on.

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