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Difficult situation

63 replies

Lifebythesea2323 · 21/10/2013 17:21

Hi
Regular poster posting under another name for confidentiality.
Situation. Apologies long post!
I look after two boys one eighteen months.
On Friday the oldest boy became unwell in my care. Vomited at midday.
Large projectile type vomit. He then continued to vomit multiple times. No temperature.

After the second vomit I contacted the mother to inform her. She asked to speak to son. He was crying and asking for her to come home. She told him she would. She eventually came home six hours later.
It was not a problem for me if she came home or not, I am happy to look after sick child. I am an ex nurse so well able to cope.

She then continued to ring with requests for example not to give any food (of course I knew that), and later to remove her other son from the room. She also asked other relatives to ring me. The younger child had been in the room when vomiting occurred so in my view had already been exposed. I had cleaned everywhere with anitiseptic and aired room too. I did as she said; although I felt it was my call to decide where the children were. The youngest is too young to leave for long in other rooms if I need to deal with older child vomiting. Older child was crying for mum and frightened by vomiting.
Anyway an hour and half after not vomiting and having tolerated fluids the little boy wanted to eat. I said no best to stick to fluids. We had squash and water. Child had a jelly he wanted, I said no. Anyway mum rang again, she said no he couldn't have the jelly, I reminded her jelly is semi liquid but no, she was coming home. Anyway another two hours passed. Now five hours from eating and over three from vomiting. The little boy is asking for jelly. So I gave him some couple of spoonfuls, no vomit, half an hour later repeated no vomit. Mum then arrived home.
Child happy now and running around the room. Younger child had gone to bed. Mother seemed happy.
However she rang the next day (day off) annoyed I hadn't followed her orders regarding the jelly. I asked her what the problem was with giving jelly. She said no problem with jelly, problem you not following orders. Well I told her she wasn't there and I made the decision based on her child's needs. I didn't do it to annoy her she clearly thinks I did.
She then mentioned I hadn't followed other orders previously. I was unaware of this as try to follow her book to the letter.
She then raised an incident where I hadn't given paracetamol at bedtime. However the little boy was not ill/no temperature so I had assumed she didn't want me to give. An in any case I am required by insurance to have written order.
Thought please....

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
PedlarsSpanner · 21/10/2013 17:25

Ok

Are you a nanny or a childminder, or a something else?

bundaberg · 21/10/2013 17:26

my thought is you're better off without her as a customer!

Lifebythesea2323 · 21/10/2013 17:27

Ofsted nanny

OP posts:
IComeFromALandDownUnder · 21/10/2013 17:32

You didn't do anything wrong. It seems the mother has a bee in her bonnet over something so I would probably start looking around for a new job.

trish5000 · 21/10/2013 17:32

Are you with an agency?
What is your normal relationship with the mother like?
Does Ofsted give rules or guidance on this type of thing?

PedlarsSpanner · 21/10/2013 17:32

Ok

Wrt jelly, mama said no when you asked her. You gave it anyway, mama prob cross A you disregarded B you might have given her a bad night with the kid aft a long week at work

Wrt paracetamol/giving drugs, well, you had no written instruction so as per your ins you could not administer

PedlarsSpanner · 21/10/2013 17:33

Agreed the relationship appears to be starting to break down, look for another job?

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/10/2013 17:34

I think she should be grateful that you kept him so long despite him being sick and she's taking the piss with a zillion different instructions. They give jelly in hospital because it's semi liquid and contains a bit of sugar and is easy to eat don't they?

Sounds like you took good care of him.

Lifebythesea2323 · 21/10/2013 17:40

Ofsted say for medicines that there must be written order for non prescribed drugs and they must be given for a health reason.

Relationship with mother normally good. She had just given me a pay rise and said how pleased she was with me. Have been with them nearly a year.
She is very precise in how she wants her children cared for an I usually do exactly what she say. She has an A4 sheet of instructions every morning. However in this instance I felt child needed hydrating.
I have given notice. I have another job too.
She is not pleased says I am over reacting - and I cant always have my choice. She is totally missing the point I resigning because I can't be micro managed anymore.

OP posts:
PedlarsSpanner · 21/10/2013 17:42

Omfg at a4 sheet everyday

Good god woman, I am v glad you are leaving. Bloody hell what a saint you have been.

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/10/2013 17:43

Sounds like a lucky escape. If someone had spent the day cleaning up my child's vomit and disinfecting my flours and furniture id not be going ape over a jelly.

I'd think I'd have a gem tbh.

bundaberg · 21/10/2013 17:45

the thing is, when she leaves the children with you you are in loco parentis. She NEEDS to trust you to do your job. She clearly doesn't.

If she had come home to a dehydrated child would she have been happier?

also, she said she would come home because he was upset and she didn't. so she expects you to stick to ridiculous rules and yet can't even come home when she says she will??

you're better off out!

Lifebythesea2323 · 21/10/2013 17:47

Thank you for your comments. Nice to have an impartial view. I have to work four weeks notice, so hope that's ok. Children are lovely so that is not a problem. To be honest will just do exactly what she says don't want a battle. I will leave her to battle with someone else :))
But it is annoying re reference etc, she will obviously say I don't follow instructions. However luckily have emails when she has praised me.

OP posts:
Lifebythesea2323 · 21/10/2013 17:49

thanks Bundaberg, yes wasn't a problem her not coming home, as she has a job she cant just leave. But I was annoyed she told child she was. She came home six hours later which was a long time for him.

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PedlarsSpanner · 21/10/2013 17:49

IIRC a Bad Reference aint allowed anymore

All they can say is Lifebythesea worked for me between these dates, xx and yy.

NomDeClavier · 21/10/2013 17:49

As far as giving medication goes you were right, but it's well worth having your boss wrote you a blanket authorisation to administer xyz medication in case of need and she will countersign later in the nanny diary or similar.

OFSTED don't really prescribe written consent (although some inspectors interpret things one way and others another) but nanny insurance frequently does.

As for the jelly it's a tough one. The child was asking for food, jelly is an acceptable food in those circs - it's not like you were giving diverging that was likely to irritate the stomach - and medically you didn't do anything wrong. In any case you probably know more than she does about it. What you did 'wrong' was not do what she wanted, but equally you had to balance the child's welfare and your knowledge of the situation with her wishes, and in this case the child's welfare won out. Unfortunately I doubt she'll see it that way.

I suggest you sit and have a proper discussion with her about it. If she feels you're systematically doing your own thing and you don't there's a communication issue you need to resolve. I suspect she also feels threatened in some way so is being a bit more pernickety than she otherwise might be. Either way this needs to be sorted and you're going to have to have a face to face conversation.

MoneyMug · 21/10/2013 17:53

She sounds like a massive control freak. How have you put up with that for nearly a year? An a4 instruction sheet every day?! Madness!

Lifebythesea2323 · 21/10/2013 17:56

NomDeClavier

Agree with all your post. Brilliant you have hit the nail on the head.

OP posts:
NomDeClavier · 21/10/2013 18:01

Re bad reference that's going to be tough. You can give a bad reference if you have a) had to invoke disciplinary b) had documented performance management meetings and given the employee time to improve or c) dismissed for gross misconduct or suspicion of child abuse.

If you didn't hand in your notice, she documents this and she brings up not following orders again in the future then there's a possibility it could show up. Equally if you have insubordination as grounds for gross misconduct then this could be construed as insubordination but you're not being dismissed, you're giving notice though she could claim she would have dismissed you....

Hopefully you'll have been able to explain before refs are taken up that you're leaving because you had a difference of opinion on how to treat a sick child and you feel the trust has gone.

Viviennemary · 21/10/2013 18:02

She sounds a total pain. And you sound as if you bent over backwards doing your best. I don't think I'd want to look after children with such fussy nit picking ungrateful parents. But it's up to you whether or not you continue. I don't think you've done anything wrong.

Lifebythesea2323 · 21/10/2013 18:04

I don't do my own thing, children eat exactly what she askes. She leaves a list breakfast, snacks, lunch, dinner.
She lets me choose their clothes or they do.
Activities, I am only there one day a week, so follow her suggestion or park etc. I don't take them out of the village or meet any other nannies or have anyone come round. I do bring crafts to do each week for the children. I do think she feels threatened without revealing any more this is something she mentioned. She is excellent parent btw.
I just wanted a perspective on the jelly incident.

OP posts:
TSSDNCOP · 21/10/2013 18:05

Doesn't a reference these days simply have to constitute a letter stating "Lifebythesea worked for Mrs Micromanager from X to Y"

i.e simply to confirm dates of employment?

Type one out and have her sign it. No other written correspondence required.

TSSDNCOP · 21/10/2013 18:07

And the jelly incident is preposterous.

Lifebythesea2323 · 21/10/2013 18:18

Thank you every one feeling a bit better about this now.

OP posts:
MillyONaire · 21/10/2013 18:36

Maybe she's coming down with the same bug her ds had and is feeling a bit off colour/grumbly. Bring her a jelly around in the morning: she'll appreciate your expertise then!

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