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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Childminder - AIBU?

25 replies

NeverMindOhWell · 05/07/2013 06:50

My DD (7 months) goes to a childminder 3 mornings a week. On Monday childminder rang me and asked if it would be ok for me to collect her slightly later than usual next week, as CM had to give her elderly mother a lift to a town 75 miles away for a specialist appointment. I said it was fine, but have since been thinking about this and seen the weather forecast for next week (27-30 degrees where we are) and feel it's a shame that DD will be sat in a car for 2.5 hours whilst I'm paying someone to look after her.

I know childminders are not nannies or nurseries, I have no problem if she needed to go to Tesco or to the Drs, but this is not even a medical appointment, so I do feel it's a little unreasonable.

I haven't said anything to her but my DH wants me to. I know she would probably let me swap to another morning, but this messes up my work and why should I fit around her, shouldn't it be the other way round?

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WaitingForMe · 05/07/2013 06:54

What response would you like from the CM? She's not going to neglect her mother so unless you have a solution in mind, there is surely little value in making a fuss.

Personally I don't think CMs fit around you. If you want that, get a nanny.

AllSWornOut · 05/07/2013 07:00

Well it is a shame, but if you're otherwise happy with her and it's a one-off then I would probably let it go. And it sounds like it would be more of a hassle for you if you complain than just let it slide.

OTOH will she be taking your DD for a run about during the appointment? It's not ideal but for a one-off not the end of the world either.

But I'm very relaxed about stuff, don't have the energy to get all worked up about this sort of thing. I'm sure there'll be someone along in a minute with some more constructive advice.

maggi · 05/07/2013 07:03

Hello
Your cm rang to ask permission so she knew you may have an issue with it. Just call again (asap!) and let her know that after thinking about it, you would rather your dd didn't have such a long car journey.

As a cm I have been in this position and asked if parents minded me dropping off my ds on a holiday which was over an hours drive away. They all said yes. Since all mindees were here all day that day, I combined it with going to a country park which was up that way. The mindees didn't want to leave the park which was full of new adventure playgrounds to explore. .... So you could ask her whether she could combine it with a trip to break up the journey (just a thought).

As a cm I will drive some distance to reach exciting things but I keep this to below an hours driving time (barring traffic jams).

toffeelolly · 05/07/2013 07:11

YABVU. What do you want her to do?

hotbot · 05/07/2013 07:20

Hmm, I would change days tbh, less stress for cm, after all a little consideration from you may well pay dividends in the future . I am sure I would want to be there for my mum if she had a hosp. Appt, wouldn't you?
At least she is still taking your dc, and not letting you down.

Feelslikea1sttimer · 05/07/2013 07:28

I'm the opposite... I don't think yabu at all, being a childminder is a job, which you are paying her to look after your child & for your child to be stimulated not to sit in a car for hours! When I was a childminder, everything was about the children and I did my own errands in my own time as I would if I worked full time in any other job!

Seb101 · 05/07/2013 08:31

I think it would be a nice gesture to give permission on this one occasion. But I'd want this to be a one off! She's very lucky to be able to do her own errands during a working day. I wouldn't be happy with this sort of thing on a regular basis, say if her mum needed regularly taken to appointments. Looking after your child is her job, she's being paid, not doing you a favour. Your child will be stuck in a hot car for 2.5 hours!! That's no fun! I'd perhaps say that your happy to give permission as a one off. It's not great to be honest, and I wouldn't be that impressed. But if everything else ok and your generally happy with the care she provides, I'd probably let it go.

happydazed · 05/07/2013 08:31

it is difficult to take time off as a childminder, so I do tend to take mindees along with me often when I would rather not. they have joined me at the dentist and hospital appointments etc. she has given you the choice by ringing you first. just let her know your concerns, she may have a lovely day out planned around it which you may then think is more worthwhile. i agree its a long journey for a little one though.

MaryPoppinsBag · 05/07/2013 12:34

YANBU not to want her to take your child to an appointment so far away.
But you will have to make other arrangements for your child.

YABU if you expect her to not take her mother to the appointment. CM are entitled to days off.

Karoleann · 05/07/2013 13:06

I wouldn't be happy about it at all, but your CM probably doesn't have any choice. Unless her mum is going privately she will just be given the appointment date without any choice.

I would just swap the day and work around it.

maja00 · 05/07/2013 13:10

2.5 hours in a hot car would be too much for me. If your CM can't rearrange this then I think the CM has to take the day off.

She's not really available to work if she is driving for 2.5 hours imo.

redcaryellowcar · 05/07/2013 13:11

I wouldn't be happy, I am not very up to speed about how much cm need to deliver the early years framework but I really can't see how this can possibly be justified as a good or learning experience . I think if I was in same situAtion I would swap days as it makes it possible for her to take her dm to hospital and also says this is not normal care for your child.

maja00 · 05/07/2013 13:11

I should have said - I would either swap days or keep my child at home and not expect to pay.

I wouldn't expect the CM not to give her mum a lift, but I wouldn't expect to pay her to do it.

LingDiLong · 05/07/2013 13:39

Are you otherwise happy with her? If so and you can do it relatively easily, just swap days.

If I were in your Childminder's position I'd have probably offered a choice with as much notice as possible - to either take the child with me or I'd take the day off at my own expense. Sometimes it's difficult to know what is best for parents, she may feel that she's helping you out by taking the daughter with her rather than booking the day off and causing you childcare issues.

I also think a childminder-parent relationship works best with a bit of give and take on both sides; I go the extra mile for my parents fairly regularly and I think this makes them happy to do the same for me from time to time. Does your childminder help you out when you're in a fix? If so, I'd help her out in this situation.

doughnut44 · 05/07/2013 14:22

I wouldn't want my child to be in a car for that amount of time unless necessary. I am a cm and I treat the mindees like my own. if I had a 75mile drive I would ask someone to look after my own child. as a minder I would tell the parents that I need the day off but if they are desperate for cover I will take the child with.

OutragedFromLeeds · 05/07/2013 15:18

The OP said but this is not even a medical appointment so all the stuff about hospital appointments probably isn't relevant to this.

I would swap days or find someone else for that day.

MaryPoppinsBag · 05/07/2013 19:07

Yes I agree with Outraged I would just swap days or find someone else.
The childminder does have to fit with you ordinarily, however, you do have to accept that she does have a life and other commitments and may sometimes require time off. Like any other person who works. So in some ways you will have to fit around her, she isn't your slave, nor even you employee.

I can understand why CM's try to fit day to day tasks in with the mindees, because they don't want to let people down and they also don't get 20+ paid holiday days. Taking a weeks holiday costs me about £250 (Admittedly it isn't the parents problem and its our choice of job etc etc).

My parents are being really really understanding about the fact that I am moving house soon, I can't give them definite dates. But they have all called in favours and will fit in around me in this instance. It's more of a partnership.

ReetPetit · 05/07/2013 19:10

yabu. swap days if she's able, or don't take dd that day or pick her up earlier

and a childminder does not 'fit around you' if you want that level of control employ/pay for a nanny.

but i do agree a trip of that length in hot weather would not be pleasant. your cm should take the day off.

mamadoc · 05/07/2013 19:36

She's asked permission, you've said yes! No point grumbling just let her know you've changed your mind and either swop days or keep DD home and don't pay.

She would otherwise be taking a day's Holiday so she is actually being flexible by offering the choice rather than just closing for the day.

My CM has taken DS to her son's hospital appts and her own dentist. If she took time off for this it would actually be harder for me trying to find cover so I'm fine about the occasional day where it's not focused on him. If he was home with me it would be just the same he would sometimes have to come to adult stuff.

If it is a one off then I really can't see the issue.

HSMMaCM · 05/07/2013 19:36

I'm a CM and would probably book the day off to do something like this, but some parents would prefer I have their children than have to take the day off themselves. If I did take a mindee, it would be songs and I spy on the journey and a good run around somewhere before returning.

MaryPoppinsBag · 05/07/2013 19:48

Manadoc its amazing what you can get out of a trip to the dentist!

I have books to read about going to the dentist. We set up a dentists role play and we can talk about our teeth and how important it is to look after them.
We can talk about the children's experiences of dentists.

MaryPoppinsBag · 05/07/2013 19:49

Oops! Mamadoc sorry.

catabouttown · 06/07/2013 18:23

From the OP it sounds like she hasn't asked if you mind her taking your DD on this long trip which has nothing to do with childcare. I am a childminder and I don't think that's right, I don't ask permission to run small personal errands with my mindees but that is quite a big errand.
When I had to visit my DDs new preschool in the town we are moving to about 2 hours away, I tried to arrange it when I only had one mindee then I gave her parents 2 options. A) if they didn't want her to come then I would take the day as holiday and so they could arrange alternative childcare and they wouldn't have to pay me (I don't charge for my holidays). Or B) she could come with me, I would be taking them out to lunch and would do a trip to the park in the town we were going too so it wouldn't be all driving and boring for her but that they accepted it wasn't going to be as fun for her as it would normally be just as a once off. They were happy for me to take her and so I still got paid as normal. I don't think it would have been right to not give them the option though

frogletpoglet · 06/07/2013 19:28

no I would Definatley not be happy with this.she won't be concentrating on your baby. she will be driving and seeing to her mum. your baby will be an inconvenience to her and be tagging along. yes I know that babies have to get used to tagging along when we have got other things to do than play with them but I wouldn't expect to pay someone for this.
I couldn't do it in my job , why should a childminder be a any different??

Blondeshavemorefun · 06/07/2013 21:04

Yabu

Your cm rang you to tell you her plans - taking your dc with her doesn't inconvenience you at all as you can still work

So your choice if you want to swap days - also cm may not be able to swap if already has 3 under 5 another day

Being in a car that long isn't great. But would prob be over an hour each way so could drive and take mum to wherever an then find a park /duck pond / soft play area etc and then drive home

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