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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

CMs: answer honestly...

17 replies

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 26/02/2013 19:44

Do you ever shout at you mindees? The after school ones?

I have and I feel shit about it, but I have NO idea how to get them to listen to me. Today there were 6 of them, one of them being my DS. They were completely excited about being back at school which I understand (inset day yesterday) but despite me asking them 3 or 4 times to calm down, they would not.

Screeching, hanging from the handle on the inside of my car roof, shouting to each other, hanging on each other etc etc etc. To make matters harder, one 7 yr old girl has an enormous crush on one of the 8 yr olds and she is all over him ALL the time despite me telling her to give him a break.

Help! I really could do with some advice on how to keep them calm! I do the quiet calm talking, but i might as well bang my head against a brick wall. Talking to parents has some short term effect.

Any other tips???

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pluCaChange · 26/02/2013 19:50

If this isn't normal, maybe go home via the park, to cool their ardour? Cold weather really seems to tire kids out.

If it is normal, maybe you have too many, or the wrong mix of personalities, and you could give notice to the linchpin one (unless it"s DS!)?

calmlychaotic · 26/02/2013 19:52

Yes I have shouted, don't feel bad. with older kids I tend to do one loud word like right . . .then rest of sentence in normal voice shock normally gets their attention. Used regularly though shock value is lost and if you keep finding situation getting out of control you might need to be changing something. A different routine or something

pluCaChange · 26/02/2013 19:52

P.S. Sorry, am not a childminder, but do notice parties and playdates can be "managed" like this...

Original poster

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 26/02/2013 19:54

Yes, I had not considered that it may be the mix of personalities... good point.

I am reluctant to give notice because the kids are lovely kids, the families are great, I have no problems other than over the top boisterousness and constant attempts by one to grope the other!

Perhaps the park is an idea - will try that.

DS fortunately is not the linchpin! Girls are still pretty gross to him :D

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Original poster

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 26/02/2013 19:56

Yes, something needs to change. I just need to find what it is, Calmlychaotic. Trial and error, I suppose.

Thanks for the replies.

OP posts:

squinker45 · 26/02/2013 19:58

Shouting is fine, and raging is fine if they are doing things that require a big response. The trick is you have to pretend to be angry rather than actually being angry (this is a teacher's classroom management / keeping sane tip). It works because they think they have upset you but you are still in control and can vary tone of voice to suit the situation.

Be firm - lots of behaviour is just for testing your limits. Lower them artificially and pretend to be angrier than you are, then they won't be able to actually rile you. That's the theory anyway. I know what it's like.

squinker45 · 26/02/2013 20:00

Don't put up with the groping thing - the school wouldn't. Set clear boundaries if you can, and ban it altogether - hold a meeting with both sets of parents to embarrass it out of her? Harsh I know, but might work

MisForMumNotMaid · 26/02/2013 20:08

I'm not a childminder but often have 6 after school as I enjoy helping friends out and have a 7 seater. My three are 2, 7 and 9. My 9 year old also has ASD so has some challenging behaviours. The others i take home are of primary age.

I allocate seats in the car before they get there. First seated and belted gets to choose the first snack out of the snack tin (raisons, grapes, chopped fruit, cakes, biscuits). Those in the back pass the drinks forward.

I have a loud 'ahem' that tends to catch attention enough for me to firmly calm them down with other instructions.

I find that the snack/ juice provides distraction and stops the squabbling/ winging that can occur when they're tired/ overwhelmed post school. It also means they're more relaxed when we get back to the house.

At the house its coats and bags on a chair each around the dining table and shoes by door.

I don't think theres anything wrong with a bit of shouting unless it makes you feel bad/ stressed. It sounds like it has stressed you?

Could you work on a plan for girls in the front one day, boys in back etc to separate your doting attendee?

What do they do when you get them back? Do you have the space to separate them. I.e. one lot watch a bit of TV the others a table based activity like lego / drawing etc?

Original poster

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 26/02/2013 20:09

Thanks, Squinker45. That's great advice. I appreciate it!

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Original poster

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 26/02/2013 20:12

MisForMumNotMaid, I separate the two in the car, but had not considered the snack straight away. That may help!

Today when we were home they landed up separating when I put a movie on for one lot and the others were playing pc games.

But yes, I was stressed today! It got better once they had eaten, though.

OP posts:

longjane · 26/02/2013 20:45

any chance of walking home?
via the park?

Original poster

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 26/02/2013 20:51

It takes me about 70 minutes to walk to school and back and I had after school club pick ups today, Longjane. So, no chance of me walking the kids! I had done so once or twice when I had more kids than car seats, but it was hard keeping them calm! Anything slightly out of the ordinary also seems to set them off - but that is to be expected with children, I suppose!

OP posts:

Runoutofideas · 27/02/2013 11:50

I think separating them is a good idea. I have 5 children twice a week after school and this seems to happen naturally with the older ones going off upstairs to play (7 and 8 yr olds) and the younger ones (2,4 and 5) staying closer to me. The dynamics of the group does make a difference too. I have one day with 5 which is much less stressful than the other. Sibling groups can sometimes wind each other up further I think.
I don't shout at them, but I do use a firm voice. I have also been known to stop the car at the side of the road and refuse to drive on until it is safe to do so, ie until they've stopped making such a distracting racket!

WorriedMary · 27/02/2013 19:20

Yes I do - not in an angry way.
Sometimes I need to shout to get their attention when walking to school if they've gone a little way ahead or if they're goofing around.
At home I tend to say 'right guys' loudly then give the instruction like calm down more quietly.

I've had to be quite stern today with one of my mindees who has kicked off because he was asked not to annoy one of the other children.
He started throwing toys, swearing and then gave me the bird! Nice!

lisa1968 · 27/02/2013 19:25

....I don't shout.......I raise my voice constructively.........
....they sure as hell hear the biscuit packet at 300 yards though!!

DIYapprentice · 27/02/2013 20:55

My poor CM, on a Wednesday she has my two DSs, and another pair of siblings (boy and girl), as well as her two DDs. It is an absolute riot when we get there to pick them up - she has 3 school runs (2 from 1 school, at normal pick up and then after school club) and has to feed them quickly so that they've eaten before parents arrive.

I really feel sorry for her, actually. You have to shout to actually be heard over the din!!!!

I think by that point they are over tired and over stimulated, and it takes a lot to settle them down. (Takes me 20 minutes just to get my 2 out of there!)

Titchyboomboom · 01/03/2013 18:25

I had a tricky walk home today and was grumpy with mindee. I felt awful. I do struggle sometimes with persistent tricky behaviour, but I don't think it is awful for them to see their behaviour upsets people

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