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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Would this seem a little patronising for my CM?

25 replies

dribbleface · 15/02/2013 11:02

The childminder I use for DS1 (4) is an absolute star, he loves her. I couldn't ask for anything more.

I got a small bonus from work. I would like to do the same for her as without her, and the secure knowledge that she is looking after him, I wouldn't be able to give 100% to work. He only goes after school 2 x a week.

We are struggling financially so unlikely to be able to afford more than £30-50, as although bonus was unexpected it is needed (IYSWIM)

Would you feel this was a bit patronising? Wish I could do more, she's worth her weight in gold (I do tell her this, provide references, got thank you cards, gifts at Xmas etc)

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minderjinx · 15/02/2013 11:21

It's a lovely thought. Personally I think I'd give a surprise gift - maybe a big bouquet for mothers day or a big Thorntons egg for Easter. If she knows you are not flush with cash she might feel obliged to refuse a cash bonus, but a gift "from your DS" would be different.

Groovee · 15/02/2013 11:33

Mine enjoys a good red wine and is delighted when they turn up with it x

BoysAreLikeDogs · 15/02/2013 12:23

What a lovely person you are, your cm is very lucky.

Not cash, she might decline, but a big yesto something from your ds.

mindingalongtime · 15/02/2013 12:24

What a thoughtful parent you are. I certainly wouldn't expect and have never received a cash bonus, but if you want to do something, maybe a voucher for the local beauty salon may be appreciated, I know I would love it and I always love flowers.

I have received some nice gifts over the years from the least expected families, but the ones I really treasure and keep are the beautifully written cards, some have even written quotes about childcare in them, which moved me to tears.

I must admit I hate getting wine and especially chocolates, as only I know what I like, but always accept graciously!

FarelyKnuts · 15/02/2013 12:27

We have given our CM gift vouchers like book tokens as we know she loves reading rather than cash. I would give her my left arm personally for the care she provides for my DD but I think cash might embarrass her?

fivesacrowd · 15/02/2013 12:45

You're lovely you are! I wouldn't know what to say if one of my parents gave me cash, but would love flowers or a gift voucher. Wish all minded children's parents appreciate their cm like you do.

Original poster

dribbleface · 15/02/2013 13:12

Vouchers are a better idea, thank you.

OP posts:

HSMMaCM · 15/02/2013 14:55

I'm always happy with a bottle of wine - you are lovely OP.

Original poster

dribbleface · 15/02/2013 14:59

Thanks I work in childcare so know just how much hard work it can be (and that's just the parents!)

She is fantastic though

OP posts:

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot · 15/02/2013 15:03

Why not write a card saying - she's lovely, you really appreciate her, DS adores her etc Tell her that you got a little surprise bonus from work and as you couldn't do your job, without her, you'd like to share a little of it so she can treat herself too :) Even that you'd thought about flowers/chocolate etc, but would rather she chose something that she would enjoy. I can't see anyone objecting to that! I wouldn't, that's for sure!!

Original poster

dribbleface · 15/02/2013 15:07

That sounds perfect myhead. Will discuss options with DH tonight and decide.

OP posts:

Kendodd · 15/02/2013 15:11

Why don't you get her a present from M&S or somewhere like that, that she can easily exchange for a gift card to send on whatever she likes even if that just food shopping.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot · 15/02/2013 15:17

Are you going to be able to 'do something' with your bonus? Something where you can see what the money has gone towards or is it going to get put in the pot to pay the bills? It would be nice if you could do something, even if it's a bit of a boring something wouldn't it :) Depending on how much it is, I'd probably spend it on replacing the consumer unit (about £300) what we used to call the fuse box as it needs doing, but I'd still feel I'd 'done something' with it rather than paying the car tax, food shopping etc.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot · 15/02/2013 15:18

I don't see the problem with just putting cash in the card - she's going to know how much it is anyway and it means she can spend it wherever she wants, rather than be tied to one shop.

WorriedMary · 15/02/2013 18:35

I think that vouchers would be better than cash - but make sure that you get them from a company that isn't likely to go under anytime soon!

cupcakeandcoffee · 15/02/2013 19:02

That is really lovely of you.

A lovely parent who doesn't have lots of money bought my husband and I (we are both childminders working together) a lovely gift voucher for afternoon tea at a fancy local hotel as a gift.

We were thrilled as it was a very personal and thoughtful present. It is more personal than money as that is more business like.

A bunch of flowers and a card telling her how much she means to you and how you couldn't do it without her would also be our very favourite type of gift!

She will be thrilled whatever you do. Wish every parent was as thoughtful as you!

Original poster

dribbleface · 15/02/2013 19:41

Voucher for meal out sounds like a plan. Too many good ideas, but thank you.

I think she is utterly fab, it's like a second home for DS1 and that's exactly what I wanted. I'm very lucky.

OP posts:

doughnut44 · 15/02/2013 21:41

I personally would love the money :)

BlatantLies · 15/02/2013 21:49

I would prefer cash over vouchers - every time . As long as it is in a thoughtfully worded card or note cash is much more useful than a voucher.

looneytune · 15/02/2013 22:12

Well I've just had a shock this evening and had a cheque for £100 dropped round by a mindee (happens to me my birthday aswell as mindee's last day next Thursday as I'm finishing soon - she's 6 today and been with me since 8 weeks old!). I didn't realise about the cheque until she'd walked back to her car and I was in the house, if I'd been handed it and opened it in front of parents I probably would have passed it back as would feel bad. I must say that I've had vouchers in the past and been VERY grateful but I'm loving that I can just go and spend this on myself and can choose where to go (especially as this is my only present as we're so skint I told dh not to buy presents this year).

So I'd say vouchers are fine but so would cash but if you did that, maybe in a card that she might open when you're not there? My cheque was in an envelope saying 'the contents of this envelope MUST be used for lovely things' - so now I WILL treat myself instead of using it on the family like I normally would! .

You sound really lovely :)

SuiGeneris · 16/02/2013 08:10

I hate to be a spoilsport and don't know the rules in detail but would be wary of cash as it is likely to be taxable. A book, flowers etc are almost certain not to be....

Jelly15 · 21/02/2013 12:15

Personally I would appiciate a small gift and a card with how you feel about me and my service. I keep a compliment and complaint book (no complaints so far) to show prospective parents and inspectors. It also helps when I have had a difficult day to reread the compliments to remember I am valued.

PositiveOutlook · 22/02/2013 08:11

I know I would prefer cash but would probably end up spending it on groceries or towards bills. Vouchers would be lovely but even better would be vouchers for a meal or salon or afternoon tea, something unusual that shows you've really put thought into.

I have received flowers before but I suspect they were purchased on the company account, am I wrong and ungrateful to feel a bit put out that the flowers weren't 'bought' for me?

BoffinMum · 22/02/2013 08:38

Hamper?
A Post Office gift voucher? (You can spend them in loads of places).
Lovely spring plant for garden?

SouthernPolish · 23/02/2013 22:01

Oooo how nice! What a lovely parent.
I'm a CM and personally I'd love a voucher for a local spa / beauty salon rather than chocs or wine.
Just find out what her 'thing' is and get voucher as appropriate!
:-)

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