advice from childminders please!!

[KoalaTale]

My 14mo ds is about to start with cm three days per week. I like cm a lot, she's been a cm 20 years and have lots of faith in her :)

However, she has told me another recent newbie she has has settled really easily, whereas I can see my ds is finding it hard (he often cries when I leave him for his brief settling visits of half an hour or so,he cries while I'm gone and pick him up too). Ds is pfb and very close to me, we co sleep etc.

My question is whether I should tell cm he's difficult to nap, he gets separation anxiety even when I leave him with dh and is generally a difficult baby? I feel like cm likes 'easy' babies and didn't tell her ds was 'difficult' sometimes when I booked her as I loved the cm and didn't want to put her off .

I expect she's worked out ds may be hard to settle, but should I tell her he's difficult to nap too? Am I being over sensitive about her comments about liking smiley, easy babies, surely as a professional who loves babies/children she will like my ds too even though he may take longer to settle?

Sorry if I'm being a bit paranoid!

"I expect she's worked out ds may be hard to settle,"

yes, i expect she has!

you need to be talking to your CMer and being upfront about anything you think might be an issue. it is for your son's benefit. it isn't fair for her to be struggling with trying to settle him to nap when you haven't told her how you usually do it or what works. give her as much information as possible to make this as easy for your son and her as possible. you have to give it time of course and no doubt your son will get used to being with her so it isn't an issue after a period of time, but all babies are different and as a cmer of 20 years she will know this. if she has a problem with babies that are harder to settle then she will let you know and give notice, but really i think it'll will just take time and trial and error to get them both used to each other.

do keep her informed though, that's only fair.

I agree. Give her as much info as possible to help him settle. I've had one that was terrible to settle for naps, and also teething when he started. Quite frankly it was a nightmare. They wanted me to do controlled crying type thing with him and it didn't help that they didn't warn me he wouldn't sleep without his bunny (hidden at the bottom of his bag - didn't realise it was there for ages) and hardly ever put in anything in to help with teething - calpol/bonjela/cream for nappy rash)
Now he's very settled, goes down for naps without a whimper and is no trouble at all. But imo it took longer than it should've just because they didn't tell me things that would help.

Thanks, I will definitely tell her about the napping issues.

Give her all the information you think she will need but dont be surprised if they fall into a different routine anyway.

My current 2 year old (I have been minding him since he was 1) has very different routines at home and at mine and he copes perfectly with them both. He doesn't sleep during the day for his mum but happily settles down (without being asked) for a nap each day on my sofa.

In my experience (30+ years of caring for under 8's) children are very adaptable and can manage to compartmentalise different situations admirably.

And its not just CMs you need to be upfront with either......
Pre school, daycare, nursery etc etc
The amount of home visits Ive been on and one question is 'do you think your child will be happy to be left with other people other than your self? immediate family etc?
With out fail almost its a 'yes he/she is a happy, sociable little thing, no problem at all..
unfortunatley in practice its not like that at all!!

Thanks again. Very interesting how they adapt to different situations. I had this recently when ds fell asleep at my friends house when I had gone out, he was no problem there but with me he plays games at nap time. Hopefully he will be good for cm but I'll give her all the information. I guess I didn't want to put her off as she's so lovely! Then again, ds is lovely, he just needs more time to settle I think.

when my ds2 started with his CMer aged 9 months he had never slept during the day (apart from the first couple of days after he was born!). he just refused to sleep at all during the day for me/my mum/anyone (i really dont know how i coped-i was shattered) by the 3rd day at new CMer he was napping for up to 2 hours along with her other 1 year old mindee. thankfully he continued doing it at home after that point and i could get a break every now and then.

Booyhoo - I have heard they often behave differently for cms/nurseries vs at home too. Great that your ds got on so well :)

You can never give a cm (or any childcare provider) too much (truthful) info about your ds. I like to know all about likes, dislikes, fears etc and if there's special things that help him nap, pat on the back, special teddy etc then please share with her as it can only help her and your ds. No decent cm would be scared off, don't worry.
In my exoerience, the relationship between you and your cm needs to be honest and open for it to work.
Be prepared for it to be hard at the beginning. 14 mths is a hard age for a child to have change but I'm sure with understanding and time he will settle just fine and love the cm as much as you do!!
Also, as others have said, his difficulty with naps etc may very well change with the cm as the majority of my mindees are so different with me than with their parents.
Good luck with it all.