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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Nannies - advice on mum insisting small 4 year old doesn't need a CARSEAT

86 replies

DillyDallyDayDream · 21/01/2013 10:34

Mum and dad boss are both insisting that there ds does not need a CARSEAT when I take him out in the car. He is tiny for his age (more 3 year old size) so I'm sure he needs a car seat preferably a high back booster.

In result of them not supplying one I've stopped doing any extra activities with him after school that involve a car journey - which they are not happy about

What can I do to ensure they provide a CARSEAT?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

DillyDallyDayDream · 21/01/2013 10:59

Grass - have considered that but don't think they would pay for it

OP posts:

senua · 21/01/2013 10:59

Who is in charge here? The four year old?

yousankmybattleship · 21/01/2013 11:00

Well if there is no usable car seat then you have a duty of care to refuse to taek him in your car. I agree with you that there is no reason why you should pay for a seat yourself.

Original poster

DillyDallyDayDream · 21/01/2013 11:00

Very much the four year old when mum and dad are about.
This is the child who decides he won't have breakfast until 5mins before we need to be out for school as mum lets him do that

OP posts:

senua · 21/01/2013 11:07

I was going to say that this will probably end up as a SuperNanny scenario but didn't post it as I thought that I was being a bit melodramatic. On second thoughts ...

This is not going to end well. Start looking for a better family position!

catkind · 21/01/2013 11:08

Never mind the high back booster, if he's 3 yr old size he prob needs a Stage 1 5 point harness job. Would be safer anyway if he's going to try to escape. Stick to your guns OP, no driving even to school without legal safe seat.

Original poster

DillyDallyDayDream · 21/01/2013 11:11

Luckily school is 2 min walk so would never drive.

Thinking about it even the baby is in the wrong CARSEAT

OP posts:

SanityClause · 21/01/2013 11:15

While I always provided car seats when I had nannies, often they would have their own, as it was more convenient for them.

I know they are expensive, but you would be able to take it from job to job, so you may decide it's worth it.

Just think, what if you do have to make some kind of emergency journey, and he doesn't have one? Or what if the parents inform you that from Tuesday, he has horseriding lessons booked every week, or whatever.

Or find a new job.

Original poster

DillyDallyDayDream · 21/01/2013 11:20

Sanity - that's what I was thinking it just an expense I can't afford as have brought the baby a carseat recently as he was in the wrong one

OP posts:

Theas18 · 21/01/2013 11:30

Do you want to continue to mind this child and deal with these difficult parents? Do they always pay promptly/any other disagreements??

You are acting entirely appropriately and in the childs best interests.

Have you asked NCMA or similar re parents wanting you to break the law and act unsafely?

I think if I were a CM I'd be giving them notice TBH. As a parent i know a good CM is worth their weight in gold and I'm sure you could easily fill the place with a less challenging family.

Theas18 · 21/01/2013 11:32

for those saying " just provide a car seat and use it" it isn't as simple as that - this child is " boss" at home and isn't going to be a lamb and be strapped in at the CM nicely - there are likely to be huge battles of wills - it's bad enough teaching a child they need to be strapped in when they are your child, and hat is a consistent rule- when " my daddy doesn't say I have to" is part of the picture too....

Original poster

DillyDallyDayDream · 21/01/2013 11:32

I'm a nanny not a childminder - it's up to the parents to provide.

They always pay on time and are ok the majority of the time. It's just the safety in the car they don't care about

OP posts:

Karoleann · 21/01/2013 11:34

You will have to insist. Explain that you can't take him out without a seat and that it would be you that is prosecuted if he didn't have a seat not then, it would also look really bad on your driving licience (for a future position) if you did have the conviction.
The little boy is 4, not 2! just have a week of fun after school activities if he will put the seatbelt on you can go, if he takes it off then you can't. My four year old only takes a couple of weeks to modify his behaviour usually!

stargirl1701 · 21/01/2013 11:36

Phone the road safety officer and get her advice. She may be willing to talk to the parents.

piprabbit · 21/01/2013 11:40

You cannot take him in a car without a carseat. You would be criminally responsible. You would be uninsurable. You would never be able to forgive yourself in the event of an accident. The parents would probably sue you to kingdom come in the event of an accident. You would then have to pay them compensation - which wouldn't be covered by your insurance. It could destroy you in every way, emotionally, financially, career-wise (who is going to employ the nanny who drove the kids around without a seat belt?).

Show them this.

Iggly · 21/01/2013 12:36

Sorry but I wouldnt do this job.

The safety of their children is being put at risk here.

RosieGirl · 21/01/2013 13:27

Can you contact your local police and ask them to come for a "friendly chat" including the little one, to show how serious it is.

The little one may like the police visit and listen to him, and you could try and ask them to dress it up as a general "awareness visit".

homeaway · 21/01/2013 13:40

They can't possibly be thinking of the consequences if you or they were in an accident while their little boy was not strapped in an appropriate seat otherwise they would be insisting that he is strapped in . I would ask to use the seat that is in garage if he is still within the weight limit and tell them if they want you to take the child without the appropriate restraint then they are asking you to break the law.
Explain to little boy that when he is your car he has to be in his seat. I understand that it is hard with the temper trantrums ,but that is one area where I never ever gave way to my kids. My dd would scream in the carseat as she hated being restrained, but if she ever undid her five point harness I stopped and put her straight back in. I used to pick up from school some kids whose parents did not strap them in but I told them when they were in my car they had to be on boosters or in carseats or they could not come with me. I hope you find a solution op.

Original poster

DillyDallyDayDream · 21/01/2013 13:41

I've told him that the police will take mummy and daddy away if he doesn't use car seat and belt, they've had talks at school about it but no change.

OP posts:

NaturalBaby · 21/01/2013 13:58

Do your local police station have open days or attend events you could take him to?

NaturalBaby · 21/01/2013 14:02

Oh crikey, they have a baby as well?!?
Seriously, you need to put your foot down.

I've always worked with kids and hopefully always will. I had an incident with a 6month old in my car and had a 'chat' from a policeman. I was very, very lucky (and the baby was absolutely fine) but I made a mistake and I knew it. I was petrified I would loose my job and never be able to work with kids again.

nannynick · 21/01/2013 14:22

A Group 123 seat can be purchased for £35 from Argos. It's not the best seat in the world but it will make it legal for you to transport him in your car.

Sure he may not like sitting in it but it's your car and you are responsible for passenger safety. Children do adapt to having different rules when different people care for them, so whilst he may kick off at first about using the seat, he may accept it, especially if it's sold to him as being his special seat for use only in your car.

You have brought the baby the correct car seat already, so I'm not sure why you are so against buying one for the older child. Sure you can view it as being the parents responsibility to provide carseats if you like, but end of the day it is your car, so you are legally responsible for your young passengers. It's you who gets in trouble, not the parents.

nannynick · 21/01/2013 14:27

I have had similar situation occur - though it was not that the parents did not provide seats, it was that I didn't want the hassle of taking them in and out of the car all the time. Instead I wanted seats that could remain in my car, so I brought them. Sometimes you just need to have a cost of doing the job... you have the cost of running the car, the parents providing that. They may pay mileage but the bulk of the cost of the car is still coming from your pocket to enable you to do the job. Are carseats essential to your job? Sounds like the parents are not happy that you are not taking the children out, so I would say that the carseats are quite important for keeping your job.

Though maybe there is a lot more to this and you need to consider if you want to continue in the job or not.

Greensleeves · 21/01/2013 14:32

I do not think OP should pay for a car seat. It is the parents' responsibility to provide one or to fund the purchase of one.

OP whatever their "rationale" they can't ask you to break the law. I would give notice if this can't be resolved. Madness.

FireOverBabylon · 21/01/2013 14:33

So the issue isn't the lack of a seat but the fact that little Tarquin throws a strop if he's put in it, so mum and dad don't put him in? He's going to be fun to teach come Reception isn't he? Poor kid!

If this is an issue with lack of parental boundaries and "tough, I say you need to be belted in so get over it", I don't think you're going to win this one. You'll just keep coming up against issues where his parents aren't willing to put their foot down, as you're finding with last minute breakfasts.

What sort of notice do you have to give with this family, because i'm sorry but I think the car seat is the thin end of the wedge.....

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