which days work best? advice please!

[economistextra]

Hi, I'm looking into nurseries and cm, would prefer cm but need to find one I 'click' with. I'm going back to work three days a week, my manager wants Monday, Wednesday, Friday, but Ive heard that every other day in childcare may make it harder for dd to settle? She will be 14 months when I return to work. Should I ask work for three consecutive days?their second option is to work Monday, Tuesday and Friday. I'd like to give dd and cm or nursery thr best chance of happiness!

Would a split week matter less if she goes to cm as the bond may be stronger and more memorable to dd than nursery?

Thanks in advance!

Hi, I'm a CM, have had little ones with me doing anything fromm 1 to 4 days a week, including one who came Tuesday and Thursday, and they all settled. I have to say though that you might have to look hard for a CM who will do Mon/Wed/Fri, as many want to fill their spaces and would be unlikely to find another child who needed just Tues/Thurs. If you go for nursery I would want to check that they would provide a key worker who worked all the right days for you.
As a mum I would rather go for 3 consecutive days if I could as then you have a nice long 'weekend', easier to go on holiday etc, and you can properly switch off from work.

I am a cm. 3 consecutive days would be better. agree with your reasons Doraemon.

Whilst consecutive is better it sounds like work want/need you there on Mon and Fri. DS does Tues/Thurs/Fri and doesn't seem bothered by his day off. I think it may come down to whether you can find a Ties or a Weds space.

I've done Monday, Tuesday and Thursday since I went back to work when ds was 10 months. It worked well with my job because most people I dealt with didn't notice I was PT as I was available across the week. It wasn't a problem for ds but then we have been incredibly lucky with our nanny share as it's worked all round for 2 years. He thinks she's fab, she has other children now as well as its worked for them too. Before I started I did speak to a couple of cm etc and had very mixed feedback, then spoke to a couple of mums who said staggered days worked for them. I didn't want to work Friday but needed to work Monday.

I agree with Doraemon and Mum2bless. I have had a lot of parents over the years wanting three days care, usually three consecutive days, making Wednesdays oversubscribed and I have therefore had a sort of unofficial waiting list of parents waiting to change days as spaces came up. I would be cautious about taking on a new child Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays if that made it unlikely that I would fill a Tuesday and Thurday place.

TBH I don't think the pattern of days will make an awful lot of difference to your DD.

I am a childminder and have cared for lots of children this age with different patterns of attendance. What matters is that coming for three days will help her get to know her new carers reasonably quickly.

Monday, Wednesday, Friday does mean you miss out on long weekends though which I would consider a distinct disadvantage.

14 months is quite a difficult age to settle anyway so you need to look for either a CM or a nursery who will make sure that only one or two practitioners care for her in the very early days. This is easier said than done and lots of nurseries have a theoretical keyworker system and then the child is cared for by lots of different people in practice. That really isn't ideal.

The most important thing is that you find a setting where you feel comfortable I would keep looking for the CM you 'click' with and see if you can find days which are mutually convenient. You are not going to relax and neither is your DD if you don't have complete confidence in the person you are leaving her with.

I've worked three days a week for several years, several patterns, and all were fine for the DC, but not always OK for me! Don't forget to consider yourself too.

Agree with goldmandra, the key thing is finding childcare you like, it is much much harder working when unhappy with the care.

Also important to try to understand why work want you to do certain days - in one job they wanted me in on a friday because there were a lot of friday deadlines, but this changed and the business need wasn't there anymore and was able to change days, thank god!

In my job being out of the office for two consecutive working days isn't ideal, so I now do Mon, wed, thurs. I wouldn't fancy mon, wed, fri as I like having fridays to get chores done to free up time at the weekend! Although guess this could equally be done on thurs.

Thanks so much for all the valuable advice and experience. I think I will ask work if I can adjust my days slightly to Mon,Tuesday and Fri so that I don't have the on/off scenario each week! I may wait until I find the right childminder or nursery to do this,so I can check if it works with their days...I did find a brilliant cm but she was full :(

One other question...one of cm I visited had mindees who were aged 2/3 and had been looked after for a while but were very quiet and subdued and seemed to avoid eye contact. I took this slightly negatively,particularly as the cm seemed to offer no praise or encouragement to them for the hour I was there. Was it reasonable that I thought this cm was not great in her bond with this child due to this? I would have expected a 2/3 year old to be more lively and interactive?

Some small children can be very shy and withdrawn when there is a stranger in the house. Encouraging them to interact can make them uncomfortable and put them under undue pressure so it may not be the right thing to do for those children. I would, however, still speak to them, offer opportunities to join in which they were free to ignore and make them feel part of the interaction. It's a shame she didn't do that but she may have had her reasons.

Thanks goldmantra, I wasn't sure if it may be just shyness or whether she wasn't enjoying her time with cm.

There are people who childmind but don't enjoy the children and are not very nice to them. I've seen this in a fellow childminder and I've also seen it working in nurseries and pre-schools.

It's really sad that it happens but I like to think that people like that are in the minority and won't stick in the job for long.

It's one of the reasons why it is so important to listen to your instincts when you visit. I think it is very hard to be truly convincing if your heart isn't in it. Hard but not impossible

That is so interesting, but sad. As you can tell, I'm new to all this. The great child minder I met and chatted to in the park. She was so kind and encouraging and warm towards her mindee I had assumed she was her mum! When she said she was a childminder I practically begged her for a place for my dd I'd just love dd to be looked after by someone that lovely. She was like Mary Poppins to me! Hopefully she will get a vacancy for dd, but if not then I hope there is another lovely cm who I can find.

That lady sounds like exactly what all childminders ought to be. There will be others although you may need to travel a bit to find one. Did you ask her if she could recommend anyone else like her?

Don't settle for anyone who you feel less positive about than this lady.