is it really really bad if we ask ap to move on or travel or similar?

[chloeb2002]

Ok ap has been with us since June. We have had a few ap's since 2008 mostly staying a year. However on a few counts i am struggling with current ap. she is not integrated at all as part of the family.. but the flip side is the children like her. Communication is rubbish as she is never around to talk to, ask for help, ell her about any changes.. etc.. i am finding this hard, she spends her time in her room and rarely goes out, car full of fuel at her disposal, i keep offering her time off to travel and see some of aus.. well on top of this we are expecting another baby now in march, and i really don't think i can cope with her being around then. she is just not motivated to do much i will be home from January and will be looking after the children etc. My last baby was born and ap stayed as she was great at helping with stuff. This time I cant see it working... I have found a local family who would like to have an ap from January , they haven't had one before so in principle a few months may be good for all parties! do get ..
1/ suggest the other family from January.
2/ explain that we wont need her and see if she plans on traveling?
3/ just suggest she finds another family from January?
4/ do I have to keep her on until she is due to go back home in April?

Hi, where abouts are you in australia? does she do playdates and things with the kids so that she can meet other au pairs? so that she can then socialise out of work?

I know that there are lots of au pair pages on fb for the different city's so that she could meet other people

Hi we are in Brisbane,
Yes she has been through all the facebook stuff for ap's . my last ap gave her loads for contacts too! She doesn't like taking the kids out especially if it involves meeting other families. She has met a couple of aps. She definitely chooses not to socialize outside of work, she has joined a gym so goes their every other day for a couple of ours, maybe a Friday night out for a couple of hours every other weekend.
I guess I just cant see the situation working once I am on leave. For the first time since June she used the vacuum last week! she doesn't wash up her dinner stuff or empty the dishwasher, so i cant see how she will be much help domestically! the kids won't want to go with her when I am at home, been their done that.
We do not have a contract and I figure that giving her over two months notice isn't that bad?
I owe her 3 weeks holidays and I am happy to pay her 4 as that would be the whole years worth. I just think I may go insane if she stays.

you would be a serious generous family if you gave her a months notice, i know of familys that have given 1hr notice (bet they wouldnt appreciate it if it was the other way around)

But i do think you need to sit down with her and have a chat, but in general a notice period for most au pairs is 2-4 weeks

I have taken the bull by the horns.. so to speak! there are not many opportunities as she really keeps herself to herself! when i got home today from a meeting, the kids asked her to help make cake, so I took the time while she was a captive audience to ask if she fancied traveling at all? it appears she has been thinking about it anyway , for a month. I explained that was great and i would happily pay her for a month. i also mentioned the friend who would like ho have her as an au pair and how I felt she may be a little unneeded here. i explained that if she hated the new family she is welcome to come here and stay until she goes back home..she agrees that she doesn't want to be bored and would rather not be here to be more of a cleaner. win win.. i hope..

I think you've handled it well. It's not personal (really) and saying that you're happy to have her back if it doesn't work means you're not really kicking her out, but she plainly won't be needed and it seems that she sees that too.