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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Nanny in tears on the telephone

21 replies

harriea · 28/02/2006 15:37

Doesn't want to tell me why although as usual I expect it is ex boyfriend related. this is not the first time. apart from this emotional volatility about her love life (she is 22) she is great. But I am uneasy about her being in charge of my 8 month old son if she is bursting into tears all over him all the time. what do you think? I am obviously at work......

OP posts:

brimfull · 28/02/2006 15:42

don't have any exp of nannies,but it sounds a bit ridiculous to me.She's supposed to be working isn't she?

She needs to get a grip.I would be a bit concerned aswell.

Bugsy2 · 28/02/2006 15:43

If she is good with your son generally and isn't sobbing about her love life every day, probably best to stick with her for the time being. Maybe raise your concern in as nice a way as possible?

uwila · 28/02/2006 15:48

I do employ a nanny. I too would concerned. So, I'd be on the lookout for more signs of instability. But I wouldn't take any action just yet. Is x-boyfriend ever around the baby? I think I might ask that she keep her contact with him outside of working hours... mostly for her own good. But also so that my child isn't subject to her reactions to x-baoyfriend (who I am assuming is not the best of influences -- but I could be wrong).

Original poster

harriea · 28/02/2006 15:49

she is wonderful with him and absolutely doesn't do it every day. although I suppose one of the downsides of having a 22yr old live in is dealing with the emotional traumas of someone so much younger. I am 37 and can barely remember 27 let alone 22......

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Original poster

harriea · 28/02/2006 15:51

Ex boyfriend would never be around the baby and indeed I don't think they are in anything but the briefest of contact. the last time she get very miserable was when she saw him with a new girlfriend. I would not describe her as at all unstable just quite young! Which I knew when I hired her. She is absolutely brilliant in virtually every other way but I do get bored of her dripping around every now and then as if ehr life was over.....

OP posts:

Original poster

harriea · 28/02/2006 15:53

PS According to her mother he is a terrible influence and totally hopeless but I have tried the bracing "you are far too young to worry about a useless man" tack and it has had no effect.....

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uwila · 28/02/2006 15:55

Ah, that doesn't sound so bad. I too an 37. My nanny is 23. So very similar situation. My nanny doesn't have a boyfriend. But if she did and got upset over a break-up I thinkI would consider that perfectly normal. If, however, you think she might be moping around when you aren't there you could always sign them up for some activities just to make sure they get up and out of the house for some good stimulating activity at least a couple of days a week. Baby music classes are good.

uwila · 28/02/2006 15:57

When I was 22 if someone had told me I was too young to be feeling my very real feelings I wouldn't have been impressed. 22 isn't THAT young.

Sorry if this sounds harsh.

Original poster

harriea · 28/02/2006 15:58

They go to ENDLESS classes and I genuinely don't think it is affecting her ability to do the job. But this has been going on for AGES and I am a little concerned about how miserable it is making her. But as I say I can't remember being 22.....

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uwila · 28/02/2006 16:02

Has she got a healthy social life? A circle of local friends? Is she from near where you live or a long way from anything she has ever known?

I think it is vital that the nanny establish a circle of friends / social life.

uwila · 28/02/2006 16:03

Where do you live? (if you don't mind me asking)

Bink · 28/02/2006 16:20

I think the thing that would bother me (and a lot) is her calling you up to cry - and then refusing to tell you why - that's how 22yos treat their mothers, not their employers. She's live-in, isn't she? Has she done live-in before?

Also, calling you up at work at all (except for really important can't-wait problems) is not on - at least as far as my nannying arrangements go.

I would think it is worth having a sensible talk with her, which is very sympathetic but which re-establishes where the boundaries should be. As I can just imagine you becoming drawn further into her day by day ups and downs, which won't be good for either of you.

PS we've had two nannies in tears - one because her visa expired and she couldn't find the right job to move on to; and the other because of my son's behaviour at school. The first was understandable, and all part and parcel of her affectionateness and reliability; whereas the second was a big symptom of things going wrong & she resigned very shortly after. So I think these things can be significant.

jura · 28/02/2006 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

controlfreaky · 28/02/2006 17:15

definitely calls for a firm but sympathetic chat. this is more about boundaries and employer / employee relations than about anything else imo.

uwila · 28/02/2006 17:26

OMG, am I the softy on this thread? Now THAT is a new experiene for me.

jura · 28/02/2006 17:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrannyandZooey · 28/02/2006 17:31

I think no problem unless she is doing it all the time. If you were at work, and a colleague who was having a hard time at home burst into tears, would you think she was unfit to do her job? No, you would think she was having a cr*p day. I worked as a nanny for over 10 years and naturally there were days when I would be upset about something and the kids would see me crying. IMO this is part of learning about human relationships anyway. The alternative is for your nanny to take the day off every time she is feeling a bit upset - which would you rather?

Original poster

harriea · 01/03/2006 09:25

Sorry didn't log on after I left the office. Got home last night and she burst ihto tears and ran up to her bedroom. Later told me she is having very sharp mood wings which she says are nothing to do with the job, but thinks she ought to go to the doctor. I agreed, and told her that I had had probs with my hormones. I think there is also an element of loneliness - she is finding it hard to make nanny friends with the sam age children. We live in SW11. I have told her that I will help her in any way I can to work out her issues. She promises me she never cries in front of the baby.

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anorak · 01/03/2006 09:33

Oh the poor thing, I can't help feeling sorry for her. She sounds lovely, and sensible enough to know when she needs the doctor. I think you should be flattered that she feels she can talk to you about it. Perhaps she is depressed. It often rears its ugly head when a person reaches a place of safety in their life. If so the GP will be able to help her.

matnanplus · 03/03/2006 22:01

Does she have access to a computer?

If yes then nanny job is a great way for nanny's of all ages to meet either virtually or in real life others that share the same career.

It has message boards for nannying queries, chit chat and ''meet other nannys'' this is a great way to find others near to you.

My concern would be the statement that she doesn't cry in front of your baby, does that mean she leaves him alone whether he is asleep or awake and cries in private for some time. As she had burst into tears twice already and run from the room when you were there, does this also happen when your not?

It is good that she realises she is 'down' but she is the only person really that can pick herself up again.

Hope that's not too harsh.

Original poster

harriea · 06/03/2006 09:01

I think we are starting to get to the botto of what is going on. LAst week she asked if she could move to a live out basis until we have finished the conversion works on our basement (some of which we are converting to a self contained nannty flat). she says she finds living in very restricting and she doesn't get enough work/home separation. Fair enough - but we have told her that she must think very carefully during this time whether or not nannying really suits her and it not we will part company amicably. I think things will improve when DS gets a bot older. and I will direct her towards nannyjob

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