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Original poster

Feeling second best to nanny's other job!

66 replies

knackeredmother · 19/04/2012 10:15

I have posted on here many times about my nanny woes and I know our nanny probably isn't the best fit for us but she does a good enough job and we are just too stressed and tired to rehire!
So, she has worked for us for a year and a half. She works 2 days a week. She did work 3 days but about 3 months ago said shed found another job for 2 days a week and wanted to drop a day with us. It was difficult but we worked around it.
I really do feel we are considerate employers, for example her mum died recently and we gave her the whole time she was off (2 weeks) paid whereas the other family made her take unpaid leave. Similarly when her MIL died I far her a week paid leave.
The issue comes that she clearly sees the other family as 'more important'. For example her son was poorly recently and she called in sick for our working days (which we paid) but openly said she wouldn't miss work for the other family and arranged alternative care for him!
The main issue I could do with advice ( if you've got this far) is regarding her OFSTED registration. Both families need it and we each have agreed to fund half the costs. Her first aid course is due for renewal (it is a 2 day course) and she has basically said she wants to do this course during our working days. She refuses to ask the other family if they will give her paid time off to do it.
I realize she must do this in work time ( although I would be interested to hear if all nannies do this in work time especially as it was a requirement of the job that the nanny is OFSTED registered) but am a bit annoyed she automatically expects us to cover the days not the other family.
There are no courses when she could do one day from each families days.
I was thinking I could ask the other family to cover the whole cost of the course and OFSTED registration ( about £170) and we cover the days off and inconvenience of finding alternative childcare.
I'm also not sure what to do about the feeling there is more respect the for the other employers than us. Toughen up?!!
I would be grateful for any advice!

OP posts:
Original poster
knackeredmother · 19/04/2012 10:20

Sorry for the mistakes, I have been working nights and am on my phone!

OP posts:
LadyHarrietdeSpook · 19/04/2012 11:22

It sounds to me like she takes advantage because she knows she can get away with it.

I know that you did not ask this but really before investing more time in her via OFSTED etc I would be looking for another nanny.

I think she is behaving ridiculously.

blapbird · 19/04/2012 11:24

But she doesn't benefit from the Ofsted registration, you do I presume, though government help with child care fees?

If she came to you already registered then you employed her on this basis but if you wanted her to be registered for you own financial gain then she is within her rights to do the first aid ( a condition of the registration) in working hours.

Maybe she feels more comfortable to ask you for time off, than the other family and I can see that you have been very accommodating as an employer, you're feeling taken for granted or like she is having her cake and eating it.

I know for me as a nanny I enjoyed working for two families because I felt in a more powerful position, both families had pros and cons, if you suddenly become uncharacteristically, tough, she may jump ship all together.

I wouldn't have thought that she has more respect for her other employers -she may not have as many working rights, in terms of a contract, with them like she does with you or she may feel uncomfortable to ask them/

I'm sure if you feel she isn't the best fit but you're just putting up with her she has picked up on this and maybe feels less respected by you as a professional.

When do you expect her to do her training= on her days off?
Just giving a nannies POV I hope it's helpful in some way.

Clearlymisunderstood · 19/04/2012 11:28

Seems to me that because she knows you will pay her when she is off and the other family won't she's more likely to take days off on your days as that won't lose her any money?

Ebb · 19/04/2012 11:45

Your nanny takes the piss to be quite blunt. Stop paying her when she doesn't work and I'm sure you'll find that she suddenly becomes a little more reliable. I've always done my first aid courses in my own time and I've always paid for them myself as it's a requirement for me to do my job. Obviously it's nice when an employer pays something towards it but I've never expected it. I think it would be fair to ask the other family to pay if you do give her the time off to do it. I get the feeling she won't consider asking the other family to pay it all though.

eeyore12 · 19/04/2012 12:48

I have always done my first aid at the weekend and paid for it myself to. Maybe you could ask her to do a weekend course usually 2 Saturdays and tell her you will pay half and give her one day off in lieu then if she wants she can ask the other family to do the same.

Original poster
knackeredmother · 19/04/2012 12:54

Thanks for the replies
Blapbird: yes we advertised for an OFSTED registered nanny and she came already registered. We have paid for her OFSTED renewal and now her first aid is up for renewal.
Eeyore: that's a really good idea, although she has already said she won't do weekends but the day off in lieu is a good suggestion.
I appreciate all the replies, I do feel like she feels we are a soft touch, which tbh we are!!

OP posts:
Original poster
knackeredmother · 19/04/2012 12:58

Blapbird, I may be a bit biased but in my job I am expected to pay my professional fees to my registered body myself (so equivalent to OFSTED and a requirement of my job not my choice) which costs over £1000 a year. I am also expected to do a lot of training in my own time so I think she gets a good deal by us paying tbh.

OP posts:
HolyLentenPromiseBatman · 19/04/2012 12:58

I don't think the other family are more important just that you are the more considerate/lenient employers so she will ask things of you that she wouldn't the other family. Toughen up and tell her 'no'.

The OFSTED you should pay with other family as you have agreed to do, but the first aid is a basic skill that ALL nannies (registered or not) should have and therefore she should pay and she should do it on her time.

Last time I did mine we split the cost 50/50 and I did it one day of my time and one day of their time, but this was in part because I had a recent first-aid, just not one approved by Ofsted so the main purpose of doing it was for registration. It would be kind of you to offer a 50/50 split financially/time wise but certainly not something that you have to do.

Original poster
knackeredmother · 19/04/2012 13:03

Holy, although I really don't mind paying the OFSTED I actually never agreed to it. Her contract states it is a condition of her job to be registered and when it was up for renewal she just presented me with the bill. But as I said that is fine.
I don't think it has entered her head to pay for the first aid and I would be too scared to suggest it. Actually I don't mind paying half I am just resentful of the fact we are shouldering the burden while the other family benefit.

OP posts:
blapbird · 19/04/2012 13:05

But she could nanny without being registered so from that POV it makes no difference from her perspective is she's registered or not.
I agree she should pay for her own professional development, I am nannying now whilst teacher training and I pay all of my own college fees but as for the reg. I think it's in the employers interests rather than the nannies

blapbird · 19/04/2012 13:08

It is a different matter that she came to you already registered so you employed her on that basis, I think you're right to feel a bit pissed off that the other family aren't shouldering the burden- but doesn't she have to give their address ad reg with them seperately?

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/04/2012 13:29

Tbh you should have found a new nanny when she went from 3 to 2 days - what do you do for the other day now

What do you have in your contract about her child and when ill - ie if her child is ill and she takes time off then shouldn't be paid

Then again she may ring in sick saying she is ill rather then her child so ssp needs to be in contract

Op - you obviously sound a lovely employer but your nanny is taking the piss as you allow her

BranchingOut · 19/04/2012 13:38

I think you need to sort this out by talking to the other family. Could she even be playing you off against one another?

But it is clear that she expects you to be more lenient as you are 'nicer'.

HolyLentenPromiseBatman · 19/04/2012 14:47

'when it was up for renewal she just presented me with the bill'

Ofsted registration for nannies is a fairly new thing and hasn't been around long enough for a 'rule' about this to form, but I think it is very widely assumed that the family pay for it. The reason being that the ONLY benefit of registration is childcare vouchers, something that ONLY the family benefit from. Ofsted registered nannies don't get paid any more than non-registered so they are effectively taking a £103 a year pay cut if they pay their own registration. When my registration expires I also present the family with the bill and they've always paid.

Original poster
knackeredmother · 19/04/2012 14:59

But Holy, surely they have a greater choice of jobs/ better employability if registered so it is therefore of benefit to them. I advertised for an OFSTED registered nanny and it is a condition of employment to be registered therefore technically it probably isn't down to me to pay.
The same as my employer insists ai am a member of my professional regulatory body but it is my responsibility to pay.
However, this is arbitrary as, as I said I don't mind paying but ai do feel slighted at being expected to fund the days off for the first aid course and pay for additional childcare whilst the other family doesn't!

OP posts:
Original poster
knackeredmother · 19/04/2012 15:01

Not sure where the ai s are coming from ( really must stop mumsnetting on phone!)

OP posts:
HolyLentenPromiseBatman · 19/04/2012 19:42

'But Holy, surely they have a greater choice of jobs/ better employability if registered'

I think it's probably going that way, but as I say it hasn't been around long enough for it to have become 'expected' yet. Often parents simply want the nanny to have the ability and willingness to register with Ofsted rather than actually funding it themselves. I don't think there is a 'technical' rule yet, you're responsibility to pay is really ruled by what other parents do and all the nannies I know (which is a lot) have Ofsted paid for by parents. At the moment I would say refusal to pay limits your choice of nannies rather than the nannies refusal to pay limiting her job choices.

Just out of interest does being a member of your professional regulatory body have any benefit to you (outside of greater choice of jobs/better employability) or is it soley to your employer?

Original poster
knackeredmother · 19/04/2012 19:47

Holy I'm a doctor so have to be registered with the GMC and Royal College of GPs in order to practice. I really have not discovered any other benefit beyond allowing me to practice as a doctor but someone may enlighten me!

OP posts:
Karoleann · 19/04/2012 21:05

I paid for my last nannies first aid renewal on the basis that she did it in her own time ie over the weekend and that she stayed with us for xxxx. Or paid us back.
Depending on what her contract says I would stop paying sick pay/compassionate leave ( you need to pay ssp ). She's taking the mickey.
I would also consider telling her you need three days a week and letting finding someone else, though I would wait til a bit later in the year, lots of nannies seem to change jobs in September time.

bbcessex · 19/04/2012 21:12

Hello - poor you. I quite understand why you're keeping her on - it IS hard to change etc.. but I would have a look around.. she is a total nightmare.

How DARE she care so little about you, and have the nerve to let you know that she puts herself out for the other family? Shock

We paid for our nanny's Ofsted because we advertised and said we would. The first aid course was £70 and was run on 2 Sundays.

Our first Ofsted nanny came with registration, and we paid her slightly more because of it.. all renewal and reg costs were down to her.

If you ARE going to pay, then both you and the 2nd family should split it. Otherwise both they and the nanny are totally mocking you...

I don't like the sound of her.. therefore you should get rid Smile!!!

Original poster
knackeredmother · 19/04/2012 21:20

I have e mailed the other family and suggested that I will cover the paid days off if they will cover the cost of the course plus OFSTED registration. This is slightly less than 2 days wages and obviously I will need to find alternative childcare on those days.
The mum is going to think about it ad get back to me. I don't think she had even considered paying for our nannies time while she does the course or even the course itself.
I suspect she will refuse to pay. She is a high flying manager used to managing lots of staff. I am not!

OP posts:
Original poster
knackeredmother · 19/04/2012 21:21

Should have said the course is £60 and OFSTED is around £110 I think. She earns around £100 a day so the cost would be almost equal to both families, except for the additional childcare I'd need to find.

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bbcessex · 19/04/2012 21:22

Well this is where you have to play hard ball.

If she won't pay, then you won't either. Your nanny will no doubt have something to say about that, but hold out until Family 2 contribute.

What have you got you lose? Your nanny doesn't sound like golddust to hang on to at all costs, so hold your nerve.

eurycantha · 19/04/2012 21:24

Hi I have two jobs, a two day which i ve been doing for a year and a three
day that I`ve been doing for four years.I treat them exactly the same,they are both paying me .She is really taking the mickey out of you [as said above].I always take my first aid at the weekend.My bosses pay my ofsted registration renewal each year.