Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Extra pay for playdates

56 replies

littlesue · 21/03/2012 00:18

Nanny has asked for extra pay for playdates from the other mother. I won't be there as I work FT, neither is the other mother. I have 1 DS. It's not in the contract as it hasn't come up before as we have playdates on the weekend when I am around. Nanny has asked for 70% extra on her hourly rate, which I will pay as I would never ask the other mother to pay so her DS can come over for a playdate. What do other nannies do? I can see nanny's POV as it is an extra child.

Also if my DS goes to a playdate elsewhere do I pay my nanny to stay at home? Nanny would prefer not socialising as she is shy and awkward with adults and has no nanny friends so cannot set up playdates herself.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

marriedtoagoodun · 21/03/2012 00:25

not sure of the definitive employee/employer answer here (as in what is in contract etc and whether it should/should not have been stated explicitively - although I would have said not) but I do feel on a personal level it is a bit off of the nanny. If you were setting a regular once every week activity that would be one thing but as an ad hoc play date surely this should just come under her normal duties. Also depending on the age of your DS it will be easier for her to have two children amusing themselves I would have thought for at least a proportion of the time, and as for snacks and drinks etc it does not take that much longer to prepare thngs for two children rather than one. I think you are being remarkably kind to even think about paying her the extra.

juneybean · 21/03/2012 00:26

I'm not sure, the only time I've had a playdate the other mother was there... depends who arranged it, I might feel differently if my bosses EXPECTED me to do it I'd prefer that they ask in advance ... but if I arranged it I wouldn't want paying extra for it :/

Original poster

littlesue · 21/03/2012 00:37

I am happy for nanny to arrange playdates but in the 7 months she has worked for us she has not arranged one because she doesn't socialise with other nannies or chat with the other mothers at school. There is no expectation from me to arrange playdates. The expectation is coming from DS who sees other kids in his class going to each other's houses after school. Other mother asked if her DS could come over, I just thought why not the kids will have fun.

Thanks for replies - just wanted to get an idea of what is normal practice.

OP posts:

juneybean · 21/03/2012 00:41

I'd definitely not ask the other mother, that's just weird :/

Fraktal · 21/03/2012 04:20

It depends why. If it's a child coming over after school because they're friend's then no of course not!

If the other mother needs to palm off her DC onto someone else for a few hours then maybe because your nanny is being used as childcare then maybe (reciprocal favours aside).

In this case it sounds like it's just for the children's benefit and is part and parcel if her duties. Sometimes he will go to playdates without her and sue should still be paid, although by her logic if extra child = more then no child = nothing....

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/03/2012 07:20

shes worked for you for 7mths and has had no plays dates or seeing other nannies/mums??

'thud'

blondes faints

do you want your child to grow up with some friends and learn social skills/sharing etc?

personally i think your nanny is weird and also a cheeky bitch

i am assuming when your child her charge goes on a playdate that you will be deducting 70% of her salary then??

playdates - and i know how much mn LOVE that expression are fun and beneficial to both child and adult

it would be different if the mum needed childcare for the day and discussed payment but in the end the decision ends with you as you are the employer ie the boss!!

EssentialFattyAcid · 21/03/2012 07:33

Play dates are part and parcel of being a nanny, no extra pay is due and your nanny is v cheeky.

NannyR · 21/03/2012 07:56

I would never dream of asking for extra pay for a playdate. Sometimes playdates make my job easier in that the kids have someone other than myself to play with!!!

Also, I find that if you get friendly with other mums and nannies and have their kids over for playdates, then they are likely to reciprocate when you need to take time off for a doctors appointment or something like that.

As a nanny you are not paid per child, like a childminder.
Having said that, there have been occasions when I have been looking after preschoolers, where another parent has asked if I could have their child for an hour or so whilst they go for an appointment (with my bosses agreement) and they have given me a tenner, but I certainly wouldn't expect it.

Gigondas · 21/03/2012 07:57

Perhaps it is danger money?

Agree with blondes - this sounds odd

Iggly · 21/03/2012 07:59

Part of her job IMO! My nanny socialises with the other local nannies - you should encourage her to do the same.

Bit different if the other mum is using your nanny as childcare though.

leddeeburdee · 21/03/2012 08:07

I can't imagine my ex nanny ever asking for extra money for play dates. I'd be re-thinking my nanny arrangements before paying it too - I think that ad-hoc play dates are just part and parcel of the job.

Crocodilio · 21/03/2012 08:11

Not that shy, if she has asked another parent to pay her for something that should be part and parcel of her role!

LeeCoakley · 21/03/2012 08:13

I can't imagine a situation where a mother asks if her child can come over to your house! Why not at her house? Probably the nanny feels a bit under pressure to entertain and feed another child. Bit odd to ask for more money though, better to explain her feelings to you.

bbcessex · 21/03/2012 08:18

No way!!! This is a benefit of a nanny over a childminder (usually).

Weird weird weirdo nanny alert

What wld she say if you have another DC? 70% more please?

Odd odd odd, be wary, don't pay, tell her the terms, get her to be more socially portable with your poor son, and look out for a new less weird nanny!!

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 21/03/2012 08:30

Both my charges have playdates every week (sometimes on the same day) the youngest tends to be a case of nanny/parent staying and the eldest has friends over after school, in turn they both go to friends houses for playdates, imo its part of my job to encourage them to make friends and learn social skills, I certainly don't expect any extra pay for it.

The only time I have received money for looking after additional children is when my bosses sister comes to stay and usually wants a day to visit friends, shop etc so I look after her children alongside my charges, but that is actually needing childcare not just having friends to play and even then I just usually ask for £10 extra for the day (9-4ish) as they are well behaved and I know when she gets back I can finish early as she is happy to look after my charges so it is an arrangement that benefits us both.

Your nanny is being very cheeky! Is it her first nanny job? As I've never heard of a nanny asking for more pay for playdates, if she worked in nurseries perhaps she thinks that she gets paid per child

Heswall · 21/03/2012 08:34

My nanny has looked after 7 other children in addition to my 3 at our house whilst all the mothers and I got drunk attended a jamie oliver party in the garden it wouldn't have occurred to her to ask for more money.
There has to be give and take in the nanny/employer relationship.

Casmama · 21/03/2012 08:37

I find it a bit strange that the other mother asked if her child could come over rather than asking your child over to theirs so wonder if there is an element of needing child are which led your nanny to ask for money so I would double check with her.

Grabaspoon · 21/03/2012 08:39

I see that differently Heswall.

But as a nanny to 1 pre-schooler I wouldn't ask for extra money - unless it was as actual childcare ie I need to be at a meeting between 10 and 4 and could you have DC instead of just a playdate.

I love playdates both ones where mums and other nannies stay but also ones where they drop and run!

TheHamish · 21/03/2012 08:43

Under certain circumstances I would have liked to have been paid. When friends of the family's child was brought round for the entire day so the Mum could attend appointments, and I was given no choice but to care for said child is one example of that. Then when the Mum turned up with flowers to say thank you and handed them to my employer I felt like a prize mug who had had the piss well and truly taken out of me.

The odd playdate though, no. So long as it's reciprocated every now and again.

Original poster

littlesue · 21/03/2012 08:46

Nanny didn't ask other parent for payment. She asked me whether she would get paid extra from the other parent as it would be an extra child.

Hadn't thought about it before and she said she was happy to have other kids over before but probably hadn't thought about the extra work. She is v shy but I should ask her to arrange playdates rather than me doing the running around.

DS goes to clubs and out of school activities for the social interaction. I use a childminder in the holidays as she takes the kids out and meet other kids, etc, as nanny doesn't drive or know other nannies. I am fully aware of her weaknesses but Blondes has struck a cord - I guess it is starting to worry me that as DS is developing nanny's lack of social skills are becoming more of a problem. Nanny is v kind and caring and patient though.

OP posts:

Original poster

littlesue · 21/03/2012 08:55

This is her first sole charge nanny job and also my first nanny! So we are both new to this. The other mother has hosted many times as she is sahm so I was more than happy to reciprocate. Now I am feeling bad DS is missing out.

OP posts:

cuddlymanatee · 21/03/2012 09:05

Perhaps as your nanny hates being social she assumes the only motivation for a playdate must be childcare rather than fun!

Regardless, this would really worry me. The DCs with nannies at my DCs school are often the most sociable - I can understand a one day a week nanny preferring not to host but a f/t nanny surely has that in her remit.

Come to think of it, the first playdates my DC went on both had nannies hosting.

If you host on weekends that does help - we often do that too - but it's not the same really and I feel for your little boy asking to have other kids round (if he's asking you he must be asking nanny too), and being told no.

I'm socially awkward and my DC1 definitely picked up some traits

cuddlymanatee · 21/03/2012 09:07

... So don't underestimate the effect of seeing his caregiver shy away from interacting with others and acting like it's to be feared and avoided, I mean.

mummytime · 21/03/2012 09:14

In my experience a good Nanny arranges lots of playdates and doesn't charge extra. They are part of her job in developing your LO. She really needs to socialise more and talk to other Nannies and parents, it is part of her job.

HolyLentenPromiseBatman · 21/03/2012 09:47

I've never heard of a nanny wanting extra pay for a playdate, it's just part of the job.

If it was childcare then she'd have a point, but a playdate no way!

Heswall That was very good of your nanny not to ask for extra pay, but I hope you offered anyway?

Flip

1 2 3