Extra pay for playdates

[littlesue]

Nanny has asked for extra pay for playdates from the other mother. I won't be there as I work FT, neither is the other mother. I have 1 DS. It's not in the contract as it hasn't come up before as we have playdates on the weekend when I am around. Nanny has asked for 70% extra on her hourly rate, which I will pay as I would never ask the other mother to pay so her DS can come over for a playdate. What do other nannies do? I can see nanny's POV as it is an extra child.

Also if my DS goes to a playdate elsewhere do I pay my nanny to stay at home? Nanny would prefer not socialising as she is shy and awkward with adults and has no nanny friends so cannot set up playdates herself.

I have in my contract that I require extra payment for looking after extra children, this is because I have worked for families that have really taken the piss, invited friends over with children then expected me to look after them, one family had 8 friends over with babies around a year, shut themselves in the lounge and left me with the babies in the playroom, most of them screaming to get out. (This is after I made two cakes for the coffee morning. Not one of the parents thanked me, not even my boss, I made it clear that I am my charges nanny, if people want experienced child care, they pay for it)

My insurance doesn't cover me to look after loads of children.

That said, if it is just occasionally and the other parents reciprocate, then of course I wouldn't expect added payment!

Having friends over is a perk for nannies, as long as the children actually get along, the children play together and means nanny can play with siblings or do other things in peace. Or of course, get the children to help bake a cake/s for a tea time treat.

I find it odd too tbh. I am a shy and extremely socially awkward nanny, yet I would still like to organise social things for my charges! (Can't for various reasons at the moment though :( )
I'm really looking forward to it even because nannying is bloody lonely. Not wanting the adult there is fair enough though, but she shouldn't get paid extra as playdates are part of the reason why parents choose nannies isn't it? So that their children can have last minute playdates and have friends over for tea on occasion?

Callaird: That's awful!

No. don't agree to this. Playdates are not chargeable, just part of the job.

Hi,

I find this very weird to be honest. I am a nanny and I love playdates, they make my day a bit easier and I want my charges to socialise. Usually the mum/nanny of the other child/ren is there is well but I would never ask for more money if I would look after them on my own. It is part of a nanny's job. Cheeky and weird nanny.

Maybe she doesn't want to have playdates and thinks if she asks for extra money you will say no to the playdates.

Its part of my job for my chrages to have and go on play dates the younger two have one at least once a week sometimes two. Indeed such a lovely day today i suspect that we might have one tonight. I am fairly shy but there is no way that it would stop me asking. Its a fairly small school and think that we have had most of the class over. Its nice when we go to the park or days out as usually bump into some one that we know. Its good for the children learning to share table maners differant games to play

If it was for a whole day, I'd pay my nanny extra. If it was an afterschool paydate then I wouldn't pay more.

It's part of her job to arrange playmates. You say she is very shy but she had the cheek to ask you for more money doesn't soun that shy to me. Surely you want your child to be social it doesn't look like she will learn this from your nanny.

I wouldn't pay extra for after school playdates,, but I would if, for example, my sister came to stay for a day or two and our nanny was looking after her son as well as our two so we could have some time together shopping, or going to lunch etc. I also paid extra when our nanny (with the support of a friend's nanny) ran an informal crèche for two hours for a half- dozen children who came with their parents to our royal wedding street party.

Defo out of order, but ignorance rather than cheekiness I assume if she's new.

I actually put it in my nanny's contract that she might be required to care for a friend's children for the day in an emergency - she was a bit when she saw it, but I made it clear that it really would only be if there was a crisis, and as it happened it never came to pass - if it had the other mother would probably have given her some ad hoc additional cash.

blondes is blunt lol - sorry my reply seemed a bit rude, but if she isnt socialising then your child wont be learning the all important life skills

she may be shy but as others have said, she was confident enough to ask for extra money

7 extra children??? even i draw the limit at that - and as callaid says as nannies insured with moron michel, we are not covered for more then 7 children and only 2 families at a time - 3 would make it a nanny share and not valid under our insurance

You're also not allowed to look after children from more than two families at the same time under Ofsted rules; you need to be registered as a childminder.

I would never ask for extra pay for a playdate. It IS written into my contract that I take them to sporting and social activities "such as swimming lessons or playdates" and honestly it can be handy for the nanny if once the kids are playing together nicely & you can dash round & finish a little job or something, or relax as they're entertaining each other. I LOVE having other kids over to play, especially the well behaved ones who set good examples ;)

It really is part of bringing up a child that you let them develop social skills with their friends and peers and I would be :( if your little one has noticed that other people are going round each other's houses and he doesn't.

Sounds like he does have some good clubs & things but letting someone into your home, showing them YOUR special toys etc, that's a nice step for children to take.

I'm wondering if there's anything that you could do to make her feel comfortable socialising - an old boss of mine made a few introductions to some lovely welcoming friends of hers in the area & it was lovely to have other adults to chat to who knew the local parks, activities & just school gossip about the staff and so on. Totally invaluable!

I'd never ever and never have, asked for extra money for playdates!

We regularly have playdates...I had 5 extra kids tonight pass the wine and it never would occur to ne to ask for extra

As far as I'm concerned its part if the job!

Part of the job, she is out of order.

Blondes - I prefer blunt!

I feel guilty now thinking I have not recruited the best nanny for him. I've been having doubts for a while - as with any employee there are good and bad points. And the grass isn't always greener but I see from the responses above that there are some of you who are naturally shy who push yourselves out of your comfort zone. Some things are too important to put aside.

Thanks all for the advice.

Please don't feel guilty :(

You did what you thought was best for your child at the time

This can easily be sorted but you say you have been having doubts for a while - what else is bothering you and maybe we can help settle your worries

I am def not the shy retiring type but you say your nanny is and doesn't talk to others at school

Did you discuss at the interview About going out etc?

And obv I meant Morton not moron - bloody iPhone !!!

I would not feel guilty, it's not as though your child is in any danger. I am not shy but I have a real problem asking for extra money for anything. I have had children when their nanny has been of sick and didn't get any extra, which I thought was really mean.

There isn't any reason to feel guilty, she isn't being abusive or unkind to your child, she just isn't the right fit for your family you obviously need a more outgoing and sociable nanny.

I'm the same as redglow, I'm not shy and am very sociable and am a confident person but anything that involves talking about money makes me feel physically ill so I'm not sure your nanny can be that shy if she has the confidence to ask for money for a playdate!

DS was in a nursery setting before and I talked about the routine getting him to and from school, reading, entertaining him, preparing a simple meal and taking him to his activities so I expected nanny the same care.

But as DS has developed I now realise that a nanny can do so much more - it's not just about making sure they are safe, fed and watered. A nanny can introduce them to new experiences. My fault for not thinking about all these extra things a nanny can do. Also, I guess I am really grateful for finding someone who can do PT hours and who is trustworthy.

My doubts are about how passive she is rather than proactive, which is down to personality. I dislike micro managing people at work - I expect colleagues to take the iniative after they've been working a while or ask for advice but not expect me to come up with a solution for them, but nanny prefers to be micromanaged and to be reminded what to do rather than think. Eg she won't think about taking DS to the park unless I request although some improvement here. She can't cook but I have all these cookbooks in the house - was it Linda McCartney who said if you can read you can cook. Same with not interacting with other mums. If I don't remind her to put on DS helmet when riding his bike she won't think of it. I don't want this to be a rant and it's turning out to be one... just ignore me. I now need to write some lists for nanny of do's and don'ts.

Has she had any training? Because she doesn't sound very good. Sorry but from my experience (of other peoples Nannies) a good Nanny usually can teach the parent things and can think for themselves. Heck my teenage babysitter's have had more initiative than this.
From teenage babysitters: have dealt with child being upset over friendship issues at school, always insist on proper safety gear (for bikes, trampolines etc.), have introduced new games and stories etc.
Trained Nannies: have rotated toys to get most educational use from them, taken them to new places, stretched children out of their comfort zone, have a good understanding of all those skills in the early years curriculum (which is just the government trying to write a bureaucratic document on good child raising).

She is fully trained - has all the relevant qualifications - looks good on paper but as she worked as a mother's help before I think she still expects that level of instruction. Mummytime - you are right in practice she is not even as capable as your teenage babysitters. It's just reminded me of an incident when DS was hit on the head by boy at school and nanny waited for me to come home and deal with it - she told DS "it wasn't a nice thing to do" but no practical advice like "tell the teacher".

I am adding your points on trained nannies to my list.

shes very rare - tbh most nannies HATE being micromanaged

tbh you may not want to hear this but i think you need a different nanny - one that can think for herself and tend to your ds needs - as that is the whole point of a sole charge nanny

I`have not heard of a nanny being paid extra to have children over to play.I have many children to play with the three I look after, ofter we will have a set of twins.It is part of my job to arrange playdates and interesting activities for the children.I would still expect to be paid while the child [if I were looking after just one]was at their friends.If all three of mine are out I would find a job playroom tidying or ironing.If you have one child to look after I find it is actually easier when they have a friend over as they are engaged playing with their pal.Your nanny should be encouraged to ask your childs best friend over to tea.I will chat to anyone[Hi Blondes] and the children I look after are very confident and outgoing.

I have 3 charges(2.5,almost 5 and 7yrs) and I often have playdates. In the mornings its playdates for the 2yr old where I stay. In the afternoon its playdates for bigger ones where i pick them all up from school bring them back for play and tea and then their parents pick them up. I quite often have a friend for each of the 2 bigger ones back at same time as find they play better that way.
I'm not good in social situations(even calling someone on phone causes me to go in a panic) but while I'm working I do all these things because its part of my job

OP It doesn't sound to me like this is going to work, long term.

No I wouldn't pay extra for 'normal' playdates - what some nannies here have described is outrageous but we all know that.

We have been in your shoes re needing to tell the person helping EVERYTHING they need to think about. You can never anticipate it all, it's exhausting. The bicycle helmet example you mentioned did worry me.

She may not have enough iniative to move out of the 'mothers help' mentality; she might be better suited to working in a nursery where there is a team who can compensate for her. I would have a chat with her - not sure I would call the first chat 'warning' but it shouldn't be so informal that she doesn't grasp you are wondering whether the role is right for her at this point in time.