Oh gawd, second problem with nanny this week...

[headfairy]

after the hitting incident we've established she didn't really hit him now one of the women at ds's nursery says she saw ds in town yesterday on his own in a toy shop. She asked him if mummy was around and he said he was with our nanny. The nursery woman looked around for our nanny and she was in a different shop the other side of the shopping centre. When the nursery worker told her about ds she continued shopping and about five minutes later went to collect ds from the nursery woman.

Ds is four and I'm really shocked our nanny just let him wander around the shoppin centre unsupervised while she shopped for herself, but how on earth do I approach our nanny to ask her about it without shopping the nursery worker? She was understandably cautious about telling me, she sees the nanny every day and if I ask the nanny about it, it's obvious it came from her.

Still say ther could be more things that have not got back to you. Very risky but it is up to you.

Obviously we don't know you nor your nanny but imo if you keep her you are placing convenience over your ds's welfare. There is a big difference between standing at the entrance of a small shop and being in a different shop entirely.

If you wouldn't do the same with your ds as your nanny did then why would you continue placing your most precious thing in the care of someone who does?

Every time someone posts it all sounds completely reasonable mollie, I totally agree with what you say, but at the same time I agree wih chippingin

I think I'm going to start looking around at other nannies looking for work... I'm going to ask her about it on Thurs, but I think as blondes says, once the trust is broken it's gone for good, while I do hate the idea of chucking th baby out with the bath water, this as left me feeling very very uneasy.

So... How much does a day nursery cost these days? :(

Obviously it is up to you what you do but I think there is no comparision between leaving your ds in a completely different shop whilst you go shopping elsewhere in a shopping centre and taking your dd to have a nappy changed whilst your ds continues to play in a softplay place. No comparision at all. However if that is what you need to think to make your current childcare arrangements to work then so be it.

Just think how much more time you'll have to yourself on future shopping trips when you abandon leave your dcs in the toy shop whilst you go shopping for those non-essentials.

I'd ask her in a way that doesn't dob the nursery worker in as the nursery worker didn't have to tell you and shouldn't be in the middle of all this. Juts say your little boy told you. If it is true and it sounds like it is I'd get rid of her asap. To take that kind of risk is shocking. Probably nothing would have happened but it might have done and she gets paid to do the job. Also if you keep her there will be bad feeling towards your son from her I suspect. How can you have someone working in your home that you have to give a warning too. What an awful atmosphere there would be.

'Of course it's black and white.

You have a nanny who might hit your 4 year old and she might leave him on his own in a shopping centre. Or she might not. but then again, she might.

What a dilemma!'

The word might suggests a grey area shineon.

Any nanny/babysitter/parent/grandparent/nursery worker might hit your 4 year old.

That's why it is important to find out the facts!

I agree mollie the two aren't the same. But fwiw I wouldn't leave ds on his own if I went to change dd's nappy at a soft play place.

stay that's what I'm worried about, a bad atmosphere when she's still looking after my children. I think your approach when asking her about it is a good one, I really don't want the nursery worker to get in to trouble too. She didn't have to tell me at all.

If the worst comes to the worst I'm tempted to ask my mum if she can have the kids one day a week, then our £200 gross pw would attract a much higher quality candidate.

Is there no one else who could look after your dcs on a temporary basis (mum, mil?) whilst you source alternative childcare? The day I found out how my ds's nanny was looking after him would be the last day she would be in my employ.

I reckon you still might get someone for that I think it proves that an ofsted qualified nanny does not make them a good nanny. You might be lucky next time.

red glow she's not formally trained or Ofsted registered.

My mum did offer to help us out Mollie. I need to see how serious she was.. Last time she offered, when our previous nanny left on a weeks notice, our next nanny wasn't able to start for 8 weeks, so it's a big commitment. We could easily take as long again to find a replacement.

redglow the Ofsted is a 'registration' not a qualification and it means bugger all. The only reason parents require it is it means they can use childcare vouchers to pay the nanny.

wow and wow, I cant believe a nanny would even do this and I cant believe you are considering keeping her. As a nanny I would never let a 4 year old in my care out of my sight in a public place like that. If she has 10 years experience she must be old enough to remember what happened to Jamie Bulger, Im 26 and remember it. When you have someone elses children in your hands you can not take risks like that. You say you wouldnt be as cross if he had just run off and she hadnt noticed, like someone else said she should have either held his hand or been very close by surely. What if she hasnt noticed near a road? or feeding the ducks? all potentially dangerous situations that you have to have your attention on the child at all times. I think someone or yourself said maybe she just didnt realise the possibilities of what could have happened, as a childcarer she should no this and to be honest I would have thought it was common sense really. Yes it is rare that children get snatched, and get lost but that possibilty is still there, if she had him near or holding his hand then there is no risk she shouldnt need to be told not too leave a child in a different shop and be at the back of another shop (so surely not within in a clear view of him). As she hasnt got a contract doesnt that mean that she doesnt have to have a notice period?? -im probably wrong. ?? It was lucky this nursery staff told you, they were put in an awkward situation and obviously thought your child wasnt being cared for properly or had concerns or else they probably wouldnt have said anything. Are you definate about the member of staff that told you, does she seem ok? like she wouldnt over exaggerate or anything??

Stars... She's not originally from the UK so she probably hasn't heard of Jamie Bulger. It's probably the first thought of most British people in this situation.

I trust the nursery worker. She told the nursery manager about it too and I'm very grateful she spoke to me. She said she'd worried about tellun me all night, poor thing :(

Sometimes in these situations i think it is very easy to sit here and judge whats happened but really without knowing the situation/place/distance its hard but the fact she was at the back of the other shop and shopping for something for herself is not looking good!!! and then was alerted by the nursery worker and still carried on what she was doing is odd. You seem to like her, I would discuss it with her and then take it from there I suppose depending on how she reacts may make your decision on what to do a bit easier.

she's not formally qualified so how should she know anything about proper childcare, and why would you expect her to?

DF not leaving a 4 yr old unattended is pretty much common sense surely? She obviously displayed a lack of that yesterday. I think anyone, formally trained or otherwise would know it's not right to leave a 4 yr old alone in one shop while you go off to another one on a personal errand.

'she's not formally qualified so how should she know anything about proper childcare, and why would you expect her to?'

How many mums/dads are formally trained in childcare? Not many, yet the shops aren't full of abadoned children. It's almost as if you don't need an nvq to know not to leave a 4 yr old unattended in the shopping centre!

Well if she's not qualified and not from the UK it might be culturally acceptable to her. But regardless of that you aren't wherever she's from so it's not in any way on.

I wouldn't be able to trust her again.

Sorry got muddled with the other thread thought she was trained. I still think you do not have to be trained and ofsted registered to be a good nanny.

The British are much more into constant supervision of children than many other places - so maybe it's a bit of a cultural thing. As I said, I have left a 4/5 year old in one shop and gone to another in a different country and no one would have felt it unreasonable.