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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Nanny off with depression

86 replies

FionaSR · 26/10/2011 18:04

Our nanny is off with depression having attempted suicide.

I do not want to make things worse for her but am worried how reliable she will be looking after my 3 year old. It's a demanding job and can be quite lonely which could be quite difficult for her. My DD is bright and active so you need to be alert.

She has only been with us for since the beginning of the summer but she's been good until now.

Also, I have no idea when she may come back. I cannot afford to pay two nannies but need reliable childcare or I will be out of work.

Do I keep the job open - not sure how - or give her notice ?

OP posts:

Karoleann · 28/10/2011 14:48

I don't think you can keep her job open, you need a nanny.

Depression if long term can be counted as a disability, but you're only required to make reasonable adjustments to allow her to continue the job. Obviosuly she can't do the job at all at the moment.

I would give her notice and pay the month salary.

mjlovesscareypants · 28/10/2011 15:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

FionaSR · 28/10/2011 19:51

Thanks again everyone. Latest is nanny now signed off for another month. She is now onto statutory sick pay and we have a temp. My daughter is not sure what it happening. I am still only allowed to speak to her parents.

I feel very sorry for her. And worried but I think that I need to put my daughter and our family first.

Must admit it will really hurt paying one month of notice and a month of a new nanny and a month of nanny's salary as agency fee for new nanny. I have no idea how we will pay it.

OP posts:

Gigondas · 28/10/2011 20:52

Can you avoid agency fee by advertising here, net mums, word of mouth locally etc? That might ease financial pain a bit

Gigondas · 28/10/2011 20:54

Also if she has only been with you since beginning of summer can you try speaking to agency (if got her that way)about reduced fee or replacement?

Gigondas · 28/10/2011 20:57

I know it's usually tighter rules on nanny agencies than normal employment ones who tend to have 3 month clause on employee being there but to it's not an ideal situation (sorry though I am for your poor nanny) that you are without her so quickly. Also re dd you would be amazed how quickly they do adjust - I agonised about nanny leaving when dd was 2 - she got used to new nanny very quickly,

Strix · 29/10/2011 11:30

Why would you pay a month's notice if she is off sick and receiving ssp?

Get a new one without an agency.

And with a very small bit of the savings send new nanny and DD out on some really fun days out so they can bond.

mranchovy · 29/10/2011 11:56

Why would you pay a month's notice if she is off sick and receiving ssp?
Because you have to if you terminate the contract without notice.

There is a real risk of a tribunal claim for unlawful discrimination due to disability here: I would take legal advice (i.e. engage a solicitor).

looneytune · 29/10/2011 12:12

Totally agree with MrAnchovy - I know a couple of us said it earlier but now the expert has spoken! As I said earlier, my dh sued and WON against his employer when he was sacked after just a few months. I'm not saying you're wrong to put your child first, just worried if you don't seek legal advice you'll MAY end up paying out a heck of a lot more!!!

nannynick · 29/10/2011 12:26

If you use a nanny payroll company, they may have a deal with a legal helpline, so that could be used. Your home insurer may also have a helpline. Acas may or may not be of help - did you call them? What did they say?

You need to act fairly, so paying notice is a minimum thing you would need to do. The depression is the problem though as that may well be classed as a disability - you do need to get advise on that.

Stateofplay · 29/10/2011 12:54

If you recruited your nanny (the depressed one) through an agency less than six months ago they might refund their fee as she didn't work out for you, or at least provide another nanny without charging you a fee. It wouldn't hurt to ask them?

Original poster

FionaSR · 29/10/2011 14:19

Spoke to legal and acas. There is a risk of disability claim but very low as to be a disability must have lasted or be likely to last more than 12 months. Also there would be a defence as it is not possible in our circumstances to reduce the hours, change the job, have her supervised etc. If no reasonable changes can be made to accommodate the disability then the claim is very weak.

I think I may have to give her notice. The question is when. I have a temp so have a little time. Is it better to do it now or later?

I got this nanny through word of mouth. Last one was via an agency and excellent so tempted to go that way again. If I could do a nursery I would as I am finding all this very difficult. (though I know that it is worse for the nanny.)

OP posts:

BornToBeRiled · 29/10/2011 15:23

I would personally be getting advice, nor just on legalities, but on how I could best proceed so as to not make things worse for the nanny when she is suffering. She is likely to need several months away IMO, so obviously you have your temp and are sorted for now.I'd not be doing anything else for now, other than getting advice as the poor woman is horribly ill:

Gigondas · 29/10/2011 15:32

Borntoberiled- I don't think anyone who had posted here is anything but sympathetic for nanny. However the op has an issue about cost of running to nannies (she cannot afford to pay for alternative childcare and sick pay/pilon for nanny off sick). Plus she has very real concerns about how the nanny will cope on return and given the nature of job it's pretty hard to adapt much to help.

Fionasr- my view is you need to speak to nanny (can you call parents and explain - also how long has she been off as if on recent you may need to leave it a week). See what she says (a friend who had sick nanny albeit not with mh issues did call and nanny resigned as knew couldn't come back - you may have same outcome). Then explain your position and say that need to make alternative provisions and if unable to come back are giving her notice. What did legal say about giving her notice - did they suggest you explain your concern (ie that whilst sick duties may be difficult and it isnt easy to adapt role). Ie. my view is prob to give notice now . That way you can get something in place ASAP .

Original poster

FionaSR · 29/10/2011 15:58

Gigondas. Thanks for that.

I do not think she would ever hurt my DD or herself in DDs presence. But I do not think that in the near term she will be able to concentrate in a way that keeps my daughter safe or be the smiley happy nanny I would employ to look after my DD.

I will ask her parents what the thought is on her ability to do the job in the future. They still won't let me speak to her as she is too depressed.

She is v fond of my DD.

OP posts:

addictediam · 29/10/2011 16:33

Fiona, I can't help feeling that if this was you, you were depressed and had mh issues and your parents were texting your place of work and not letting them speak to you, how would your work respond? Imo it is totally unacceptable that you have had no contact with the nanny, I think you need to be laying down the law with her parents - she ring you by x date or you will have no choice but to issue her with a written warning etc.

Gigondas · 29/10/2011 16:39

Addicted has a point- my employers sent note round saying text communication unacceptable and needed to have direct discussions or there should be a designated family member to communicate on behalf of employee (ie sort of a power of attorney). It is not about harassing anyone but about getting info and if possible helping (eg my employers will pay for certain types of help , counselling etc but can't arrange that with no details).

I can see how parents are being protective but it's not helpful.

mjlovesscareypants · 29/10/2011 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Stay123 · 29/10/2011 20:26

I know it sounds heartless but I wouldn't let her look after my child either. If she is reasonable she should understand this. If she is preoccupied with thoughts of suicide her mnd is definitely not on the job.

listentome · 30/10/2011 08:46

I think that you might take your cue from nanny's parents way of thinking. In not letting nanny talk to you, they are doing what they think is best for their daughter, as well they should! Frankly,at this time of what must be extreme stress in their lives, they are not concerned with with your childcare problems or your daughter's needs.

You need to be equally robust in looking after your daughter's best interests and being looked after by someone as fragile as your nanny is not what she needs. Please give notice; nanny is not suitable for the job.

Original poster

FionaSR · 30/10/2011 10:20

mjlovesscarypants: Yes. You are right. It has gone on long enough without our nanny talking to me. I had problems before with the parents contacting me but we just ignored it and spoke directly to her.

The problem is that the nanny is not answering her phone or email or texts. They did say at one point at the beginning of all this they were taking her phone away.

If she won't answer phone, email or text then the only option is s letter by recorded delivery. It seems very heavy handed for someone in a difficult condition?

OP posts:

Original poster

FionaSR · 30/10/2011 10:23

Listentome: do I just send notice letter by post? The contract required the nanny to contact in person or by phone to let me know if any absence. At no point have her parents suggested she can't speak. They just think she is not upto it yet.

OP posts:

Original poster

FionaSR · 30/10/2011 10:24

Stay123 she is lovely and reasonable but I can't talk to her a's can't get past her parents.

OP posts:

Gigondas · 30/10/2011 10:31

Send letter (and soft copy by email - also ring or text too). Yes it's not ideal but not sure what alternative you have.

Gigondas · 30/10/2011 10:32

Out of interest how long has it been going on for (got impression from op that wasn't that day you found out)?

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