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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Nanny off with depression

86 replies

FionaSR · 26/10/2011 18:04

Our nanny is off with depression having attempted suicide.

I do not want to make things worse for her but am worried how reliable she will be looking after my 3 year old. It's a demanding job and can be quite lonely which could be quite difficult for her. My DD is bright and active so you need to be alert.

She has only been with us for since the beginning of the summer but she's been good until now.

Also, I have no idea when she may come back. I cannot afford to pay two nannies but need reliable childcare or I will be out of work.

Do I keep the job open - not sure how - or give her notice ?

OP posts:
justaboutstillhere · 26/10/2011 18:50

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mjlovesscareypants · 26/10/2011 18:51

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Original poster
FionaSR · 26/10/2011 18:54

She has always been v smiley and happy and my DD likes her.

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Original poster
FionaSR · 26/10/2011 18:57

Addictediam. I haven't heard from her. Only her parents.

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Original poster
FionaSR · 26/10/2011 18:59

My instinct is to give her notice as the risk is too high.

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TheOriginalFAB · 26/10/2011 18:59

I think you need to talk to her.

What grounds do you have for thinking your dd is at risk?

People with depression don't usually hurt anyone and just because she has attempted suicide does nt mean your child is not safe with her.

Presumably she didn't do it while caring for your child.

Talk to her.

Kitsilano · 26/10/2011 18:59

I had a very similar situation. Our nanny had worked for us for 3 years though. I was very worried about her AND about my children. She had no family in the UK and i felt I simply couldn't abandon her. Especially as I had suffered pst natal depression myself and had some idea of how she was feeling. She was only part time though and I was studying from home not working so could keep an eye on her, phone her regularly if she was out of the house with the kids. It was incredibly stressful though an I felt very torn. I also was constantly fearful if she was lat for work that she had attempted suicide again. She has now recovered, no longer works for us as my kids are a bit older but still babysits regularly and is now "fine" though I suspect always will be fragile.

To be honest although I am glad now to have stood by her and seen her come through I am not sure I could face it again - not without a long term relationship with the person.

Good luck - it's a hard one.

Kitsilano · 26/10/2011 19:01

Sorry for typos I am on ipad

nannynick · 26/10/2011 19:04

I don't know legal on this. Sounds to me as though even if she does come back to work you won't be able to trust her - is that how you are feeling?

ACAS may be able to advise you as an employer with regard to what employment rights your nanny has in this situation. Call the ACAS helpline them in the morning.

What are you doing for childcare at the moment? What will you do longer term - another nanny, or something else?

Pay wise, SSP kicks in on the 4th day (I think). Look at Statutory funding on the HMRC website with regard to help you get as employer. I'm mobile so can't look it up and give a link.

I suspect giving notice may be your best option if you don't feel you can trust them to care for your DD.

addictediam · 26/10/2011 19:05

I would say you need to speak to her, not.her parents. If she was working for a company they wouldn't accept a family member phoning in sick for them.

Original poster
FionaSR · 26/10/2011 19:33

I have tried to speak to her but her parents are texting me.

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Original poster
FionaSR · 26/10/2011 19:37

TheoriginalFAB: someone who was distressed enough to try and almost succeed in committing suicide so recently surely would not be focused enough to keep up with a lively 3 year old. She climbs, runs, is very curious.

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Original poster
FionaSR · 26/10/2011 19:38

I will try and talk

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TheOriginalFAB · 26/10/2011 19:42

Not necessarily.

You need to talk to her, not her parents and then get professional advice.

addictediam · 26/10/2011 19:46

Text! Whatever the circumstances you are her boss, her manager. You need to speak to her, her parents texting you is unacceptable. This is her job, not just a thing she does for fun at the weekends.

addictediam · 26/10/2011 19:49

And yes get professional advice one you have all the facrs from her

Strix · 26/10/2011 23:34

I think I would consider the welfare of my child before the legalities of being an employer. Of course some one who is suicidal is not fit to look after children. Of course!

Original poster
FionaSR · 26/10/2011 23:47

Thanks everyone. I will try and talk to her. I have asked her parents to ask her to call me and asked her by text and email. Not sure what more I can do if they don't respond?

I do feel awful for her but it is very difficult for us not knowing what to do and for my DD who is very confused.

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Original poster
FionaSR · 27/10/2011 00:03

Nannynick, thanks for that I will call acas in the morning. At the moment we are juggling between my husband, me, friends but can't do it much longer. Will have to get a temp next week. My employer is less than understanding.

We have to have a nanny as we both commute and a misery wouldn't work.

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Original poster
FionaSR · 27/10/2011 06:17

Sorry that should have said nursery. Spell check swapped it.

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LadyHarrietDeSpook · 27/10/2011 09:37

It's early days yet but you can't be expected to communicate with her via third parties for too long, I shouldn't think, without being justified in calling it a day, i.e. if she can't even talk to you about what's going on she can't be fit. I would be interested to hear what ACAS says, will you share?

nannynick · 27/10/2011 10:07

She hasn't been employed for you by long, so I feel you can just give notice as per the contract (so if still in probation, then the notice that applies for that, or the longer notice if out of probation). You need to treat them fairly, so paying notice instead of having them work it I feel is fair.
Someone who is depressed enough to try to take their own life isn't suitable to care for children, are they?

ACAS booklet about Health says "If the time eventually comes when employment can no longer be kept open, workers are entitled to receive wages throughout the notice period or to payment in lieu of notice."

StillSquiffy · 27/10/2011 10:37

It is possibly a bit 'iffy' in terms of legalities - some mental health issues get caught into disability discrimination legislation, and that would then apply even if she has served less than one year (you can sack for any reason in first year so long as it is not discriminatory ). Technically therefore she could take you to a tribunal and might possibly win. I'm not sure if trying to commit suicide would fall in this category though because there would be no formal 'diagnosis'. You ought to give a lawyer a call to check as this is one I am not sure about.

Regardless of that, she is in no fit state currently to work.

Only you can decide whether to get rid or not. If you are uncertain yourself then I would suggest that you text her parents to let them know that you will be suspending her contract for, say, 3 months whilst she recovers and that you will be happy to talk with her then about her capability to return to work. In the meantime you will need to get in a temp nanny and therefore will not be able to pay current nanny anything other than statutory sick pay in the meantime, but that the only alternative to this would be to dismiss her on grounds of capability. Hopefully your contract with your nanny allows you discretion regarding payment of sick pay????

That gives you and her breathing space and allows you to make your decision in your own time and without hitting her with it when she is at her lowest.

But I STRONGLY recommend that you run your preferrred decision past a lawyer because I'm not sure it is cut and dried here, even though she is less than 12 months in.

giraffesCantDookForApples · 28/10/2011 13:43

many nanny contracts have some sort of clause about being of sound mind, do you know if she was sectioned? Just wonder if you ha something in contract like that and if that would make things easier.

Hope she has a good supportive family

looneytune · 28/10/2011 14:12

Agree with Squiffy - it is DEFINITELY not as simple as you can get rid for whatever reason just because they've been there less than 12 months. I totally agree you should be able to and although I feel for poor nanny, she's clearly not fit to look after children (I'm a childminder and wouldn't expect parents to have to give me notice if I'd done something like that). You do need to get legal advice if you don't have a clause in your contract about 'being in sound mind' or something like that. My husband sued and won against a company who discriminated against a disability when he'd only been there a few months.

Good luck.