Nanny taking pics

[gobblygook]

I have an amazing nanny for my 11 month old DS. She's been part time with us for five months and ds loves her and I have nothing but praise - and I work at home so I am involved. her references were outstanding.

This week she got a new iPhone - she's had a dodgy phone that hasn't taken pics. Then she took some pics of DS and a video if him laughing. She showed me and sent me the video - but I feel uncomfortable about it. I don't think is about anything except her fondness for him but I'd prefer she didn't.

Equally, I'm finding it really hard to think whether a) I'm being silly b) how I approach the conversation without offending her. Shes an important part of our day to day.

Wondered what people thought? Or any suggestions for effective, sensitive handling...

Gobblygook - I think that you need to work out why this is bothering you. Your nanny is spending x amount of hours a week with your DS, they are forming a bond, creating a relationship. This might be something you find difficult, especially if returning to work is something you are doing out of necessity rather than choice. IMO the best nanny is a nanny who genuinely loves your DC & if so they will become a part of her life too. It is natural for her to share this love of him with her friends and family and to show them photos, tell them when he's got a tooth or is walking etc. You can't really have a nanny that leaves all that at the door and loves him when she's there. You have to decide what kind of a nanny you want to have.

Well gobblygook I am with you on this one. I am a nanny and all my nanny friends show these pictures around not in a nasty way. I sometimes take a camera on a day out but do not take any on my phone.

my DSs nursery take pics during the day so parents can feel part of their day, I love it, I'ld just make sure the nanny knew that I do not upload pictures of my child then enjoy the insights to his day while I wasn't there

MagicOC I think MNT used to run the ICP course which was for CHILDMINDERS but they were using it as a means of getting nannies registered. What course did you do with MNT? Has MNT given you any documents published by Ofsted which state that NANNIES (not childminders) need to have Policies & Procedures documents signed by parents. The only one of which I am aware is Medication and that's an Insurance requirement, not an Ofsted one.
If you have found someone on Ofsted's website, then point me to it, but until then, Ofsted can not tell nannies that they should have that sort of signed permission. A nanny is an Employee - their written statement/contract could well cover that sort of thing.

This sort of thing I feel is between the parent employing the nanny and the nanny themselves. Any involvement from a childcare regulator I feel is wrong, as nannies are not regulated... they are purely registered for childcare voucher scheme/tax credit purposes.

gobblygook - if you don't want your nanny taking photos of your son, then as the employer you can dictate that. However photos are a good record of what your son has done, so can help show you some of the things he does during his day. Suggest they use your camera perhaps, though that means another thing to carry around with them (does your nanny have a MaryPoppins bag) and potentially lose. May be easier to purely ask your nanny not to share the photos with anyone, including their partner but instead to send them to you on a regular basis... I try to upload weekly, though it can sometimes take a bit longer than that.

You should also consider photos of your son being taken by anyone else. If they go to a SureStart group, then a permission form may well need to be completed to permit (or not) the group to use your son's picture for display work and in the media. You can't stop someone else taking a picture of you on a public street. Your nanny could tell friends that they can't take pictures and they should honour that.

Try to focus what your concern actually is - is it to do with photos possibly getting onto a site like Facebook, or is it that you are feeling that your nanny is having a closer bond to your son that you had thought they would, or if it's something else.

The photos I feel should be for work purposes, they are to document the things they do during the day. Some weeks you may get quite a lot, other weeks you may not get many.

My cm rakes photos of mindees and I get a photo with his daily diary emailed to me every day. I love it :) I know she has other photos of him and she has photos around her house of the children. She loves them. I see nothing wrong with it at all.

Another nanny here. I take lots pictures on my Iphone. These get sent to my boss during the day , compiled into albums for grandparents, printed out & put in scrapbook (e.g. Pic of them on the train to go with the train tickets).

They are NEVER uploaded to Facebook or twitter. They are shown to my family (who have all met my charges) and my boss is ok with this. Would never show them to a stranger.

The children are a big part of my life, and I am there for big events which I'll naturally want go record for mum/dad boss to have as a memory. I took the pictures of my charge on the first day of nursery, for example, and when parents are away for a period of time they like to see what the children are doing.

As others have said, what bothers you? And if it is fb, make it clear you appreciate the photos but that there are boundaries.

Thanks for all responses.

I wasn't exactly sure what bothered me, but having read all the posts, it's clear that it's quite normal/routine, and this appeases me. I want her to love him, she has the most important job in the world - looking after our son - and he clearly loves being around her. And i can now see, after it's been clearly pointed out, that taking pics for me, and possibly for herself, is part of that process. Maybe I feel a bit threatened: I have to look at that and get over that. But this is new to me and I'm learning.

I don't think she would upload to FB etc but I'll wait until pictures come up again and then perhaps suggest using a shared camera because I like how much she enjoys documenting, and I'd like to share in that. Then it would be a good time to casually mention that I obviously wouldn't expect photos of him to be shared etc.

I know she's really happy and that's mutual, and I wouldn't ever accuse her because there's nothing to accuse her of.

As I said, I put the post out there for others to feed back and now I have the feedback which has helped me process my thoughts. Thanks very much for interesting insights.

You're welcome and I'm pleased you are now reassured it's normal :)

*takes

I take loads of pics and send them to my bosses a few times a day. Plus I send them to extended family too. Everyone loves being kept laughing at her exploits etc. Her parents are often out of the country so its really important to them to feel included iyswim. At Xmas I choose the best photos from the last year and make calendars and photobooks. I love it.

i find your post sad tbh, definatly agree with the face book thing and that should never ever happen, but as a cm i have to to take pictures of mindees to prove events and activities.

i often forward these to the parents during the day, especailly if mindee has been upset ,or more often mum upset or worried that child is happy and settled, new parents have lots during the firstfew weeks.

have to say if a parent questioned my motives then I would be horrified and as a mum myself feel actually insulted that i was trusted so little.

you say you have a good nanny here and she sounds lovely, tred carefully, or you could loose her.

Thebody - I think you should read the post and thread a bit more carefully. I didn't say that I mistrusted her in the slightest.

yes, but you did say in your post that you felt 'uncomfertable' with her taking pics. surely this denotes a level of mistrust or not understanding her motives.

glad that you feel better about this though as your nanny sounds lovely and you do seem to have a good relationship generally.

tis a minefield when others are involved in the care of your children, we all know and experience it as Mums.

She was unprofessional to do this without asking permission. If she is just doing it to show you, and then deletes them straight away and asks permission if she wants any copies herself and you are fine with that OK. But tell her she is not to upload them to any social networking site, or email them to people, and she needs to delete them as soon as you have a copy. I suggest you give her a cheap camera, even a film one, and get her to use that and tell her it stays at your house.

You are not allowed to take pictures of children without their parent's consent and put them on facebook, so if she did this facebook could in fact close her account.

I do not think it is very nice that a nanny can show pictures of your child to anyone that she knows, if you do not feel comfortable with it then tell her if you have a good relationship she will not mind a bit, you are employing her so it is up to you.

Agree with kelly give her a camera that stays at our house.

If she is just doing it to show you, and then deletes them straight away and asks permission if she wants any copies herself and you are fine with that OK.

As said above I take photos of my charge and in fact all the photos are on my work laptop as I do all the printing and then making photo albums with them. I have copies of the best ones some of them on my photo wall at work in my room which my charge likes looking at as there are some of my friends children on there who are also friends of my charge (Must point out these are friends I have met through charge and have ended up best friends of mine!!)

Every so often I print photos for the photo album or make a dvd/cd copy of photos or let my boss access my laptop to download to her hard drive.

I have nothing to hide or feel guilty about but I would feel insulted that my boss wanted me to delete photos of my camera (she can often take the photo card to see whats on it) or ask her for copies of photos I have taken.

gobblygook - be grateful that your nanny loves and cares for your child and wants to share happy memories with you :)

obv no pics should be put on the internet without your permission

kelly, you really think a nanny is unprofessional because she takes photos of her charge and sends to her employers

seriously?????

christ, then im a very unprofessional nanny - i take pics all the time of my charges and then send them to mb/db and gp's as live far away

we have pics of us at a zoo/farms/swimming/parks/dressing up/jigsaws/playing in garden etc

and ALL my employers have LOVED seeing the pics, i email them to show what we have done during the day - its nice for mb/db to see what we have done and a LOVELY memory for them

and also for me as when i left my job in aug - where i had been for 5 years, mb made me a beautiful book with many of the pics i had sent over the last 5 years

Blondes can see where you are comming from, but when you started your new job did you ask if they wanted pictures taken and sent to them? if you are happy and they are thats fine. The original post is not happy so I think she has the right to say so.

no i didnt ask either mb or db - literally sent them a pic - was my 1st week and we went to brighton beach and sent pics of dc building sandcastles and playing in sea etc

both db/mb were thrilled and said thanks and said it was nice to see them have fun/what they are doing while they are in the office

and have always sent pics if out - iphones are so simple to email pic asap and easy to then download to lappy and transfer any other pics of our day and email in a folder

obv at op works from home its slightly different as can see/hear what they do, but i am truly surprised that the op feels this way

Me too Blondes - it's just been an off the cuff thing and I've thought haha my boss would chuckle at this or this is very cute - snapped a pic and then sent it directly to them.

Never had any conversation about it!

ditto mog - many a time i would send a pic of us on a day out in the summer at the beach/in paddling pool/having ice cream etc with a note saying along the lines of 'a hard days work or fun in the sun and being paid for it' which always made mb laugh

op - do you think your nanny would show pics of your dc to her friends - and even if she did, is that really so bad?

as in do you not trust her judgement

The question is - do you trust her judgement?

I don't imagine she will be showing pics to any random person she meets in her street like she won't take him to a random persons house for a cup of tea.

I totally understand thing but I feel that you are jeopardising the whole trust issue. Part of being a nany is taking photos for mb/dbs xmas presents or mothers day cards - if she has to show you the photos first she can't make it a surprise!

I feel that if my boss didn't trust me on this issue then what else doesn't she trust me on and I would constantly have a niggling feeling and would probably leave due to the lack of trust. We all hear about bosses who lock up bank statements, won't let the nanny have a bank card etc - and as Blondes say - you trust us with YOUR child the most important thing so if you don't feel you can trust us in other areas why are you leaving your child with her.

BTW how would you feel about DS having their photo taken at playdates/parties etc by other nannies/parents who want a photo of DS holding hands with their DD or DS and his friend covered in sudocream because they were left for literally 2 minutes and had plastered themselves in it to be ghosts?

I think its just a touch of the green eyed monster rearing his ugly head. You have put her in this position to grow to love your son and take care of him. Why wouldn't she want to take pictures and maybe have them as a screen saver? You would with friends you are close to. You should feel happy she obviosly has a lovely bond with your son. Its what you wanted right? Its so hard for nannies, they have to give but not too much, fill mummys shoes, but not too much, make their charges happy and laugh, but not too much. Try and feel like she is one of the family and not an outsider, she's not there to replace you and she sounds like shes great, don't lose her over a jealous feeling you have.

This is a tricky one, if you don't like it you need to discuss it with the nanny in a calm non accusatory way and not let resentment fester.
I have taken pictures of children before but only after discussing it with thier parents and usually on a conventional camera, allthough the mother of two girls I cared for did ask if I could send phone pictures but at the time my phone didn't take photo's. I now have one that does but no longer work for that family.

totally agree Morgan and Blondes, as I said in my original post I would be shocked if a parent was upset that I took pics of their child as I HAVE to satisfy Ofsted we are doing the activities I state in daily diaries and much more importantly i want parents to feel happy that the children are happy and having fun while they are with me.

I would be insulted if parnets even thought for one moment that I would dream of putting their childrens photos on face book but understand that if a nanny is young then she has grown up with the normality of social networking and may need instructing that its not acceptable to post pics of children however innocently.

as I also said I think the op needs to tred carefully , she has a nanny who obviously loves her child and is interested in his happyness and well being, so what is really the problem here, think more in op than the nanny and I am not being horrible op, we are all mums and its not easy to resign care to another for our child or see another carer becoming important to your child.

good luck