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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Nanny taking pics

59 replies

gobblygook · 23/10/2011 15:53

I have an amazing nanny for my 11 month old DS. She's been part time with us for five months and ds loves her and I have nothing but praise - and I work at home so I am involved. her references were outstanding.

This week she got a new iPhone - she's had a dodgy phone that hasn't taken pics. Then she took some pics of DS and a video if him laughing. She showed me and sent me the video - but I feel uncomfortable about it. I don't think is about anything except her fondness for him but I'd prefer she didn't.

Equally, I'm finding it really hard to think whether a) I'm being silly b) how I approach the conversation without offending her. Shes an important part of our day to day.

Wondered what people thought? Or any suggestions for effective, sensitive handling...

OP posts:

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ASuitableGirl · 23/10/2011 15:55

I'd have thought she had sent you the video so you could see what your DS had been doing as well - to share it with you. What is it that makes you feel uncomfortable about it?

azazello · 23/10/2011 15:59

What exactly is your problem with it? that she is taking the pictures or you don't know whether they are being added to her fb account or something? My nanny takes pictures of the children and sends them to me. It is pretty standard and imo meant to show you what your child is up to. I don't have a problem with it.

If you really feel uncomfortable, you'll have to talk to her about it but do have a think about whether it is that you don't want her to add pictures to fb or something or just not to take them.

nbee84 · 23/10/2011 16:03

As a nanny I take pictures and send them to my bosses so that they can see what the children are up to and that they are having fun. I have made a collage of them for bosses christmas presents in the past and when I leave a job I like to give the children a small photo album of pictures from when I started with them through to when I leave.

I would never upload them to something like facebook - is this one your concerns? It would be quite usual for a nanny to have a clause in her contract that states she is not to do this.

AAAvegetable · 23/10/2011 16:03

I find it really odd that this makes you uncomfortable. In my opinion and experience it's very normal for nannies to take pics of their charges. Our nanny has multiple photos of our kids on her phone, she even tells me shows them to her mum, so her mum can picture what she does all day. I have never thought that odd - she is with my kids all day they are a give part of her life.

What do you think she might do with the pics? If it's something dodgy then you clearly don't trust her and that has v serious implications.

Original poster

gobblygook · 23/10/2011 16:04

Yes, all fair comments. I'm not entirely sure - partly the idea that she has so many pics of him on his phone and also that they may appear on fB etc

But strangely, I have never felt threatened by her in any way and this makes me feel a bit threatened

And also why shed want a phone full of photos of him...

Sorry, don't have a go at me, I'm just expressing whats on my
Mind even if not entirely rational

OP posts:

catsareevil · 23/10/2011 16:05

What is it that bothers you about this. It sounds normal to me, and nice that she thought to send it to you.

catsareevil · 23/10/2011 16:06

Have you asked her about facebook? IMO it wouldnt be right fo her to put pictures there without your agreement, but it doesnt sound like you have any reason to think that they are going on facebook?

hellhasnofury · 23/10/2011 16:11

If it makes you feel uncomfortable could you provide her with a small compact camera so she can take photos:video clips?

I work with children, we are not allowed to take photos on personal phones but we do have cameras provided for the purpose. I can see why she's doing it as photos provide wonderful memories. I only wish I had more photos if when my 2 were small. Time goes so quickly and each stage is so brief.

AAAvegetable · 23/10/2011 16:11

FB is a legitimate concern and I think it would be wrong if she chose to publish the pics on there. Is she on FB?

What do you mean when you say you feel a bit threatened? Are you referring to her being close to your DS and finding that threatening. That's a constant tension when you choose to have a nanny but I try to remember I chose a nanny over group childcare partly in order to ensure my DCs had close personal bonds with their primary caregiver.

Original poster

gobblygook · 23/10/2011 16:18

Let me reiterate that I do not think her actions are sinister. I was very clear, she's amazing and I feel very lucky. I trust her with my DS.

This just made me feel uncomfortable - I am a first time mother and I am navigating new territory with having a nanny. I think it's, as one poster said, the tensions that can arise from having a nanny (internally) and also I was just curious what others thought. I'm very reassured it's common practice but I may just check with her that no photos leave her phone

OP posts:

sillymillyb · 23/10/2011 16:34

Another ex nanny here - I used to take photos and send them to the parents regularly when they were at work. I also printed them off and made displays for the walls, and every christmas the family would get a photo album.

I can understand your concerns about facebook, but maybe a quick comment along the lines of, "I love the photos but you know I don't like pictures of the kids on facebook or shown to strangers don't you?" More than likely this wouldn't even occur to her to do, but it will reassure you to have that conversation with her.

If she is perfect nanny and this is only time you have felt uncomfortable then trust your general instincts and deal with this one incident. Relax and enjoy the updates on your offspring - this is another way for you to be involved in your childs life while you are at work :)

GuillotinedMaryLacey · 23/10/2011 16:40

I have albums full of photos of my charges from years back. I took photos because I loved the kids, simple as that.

BertieBotts · 23/10/2011 16:41

Do you mean that perhaps it is difficult knowing that she is developing such a bond with your DS that she wants to have pictures of him for her self? Could you try looking at it a different way - if you had a close friend who saw him as a god-son, for example, or if you had a sister who was very close, would it make you feel strange for his Godmother or his Aunty to want to have pictures of him?

Although it might be hard for you to know that she is becoming so close to him, do be reassured that nobody else will ever come close to Mummy, and in fact if she is developing a close bond with him, that is fantastic for him and his development, to be cared for by somebody who cares for him that much. He is a very lucky little boy :)

magicOC · 23/10/2011 16:57

Def mention to her re FB. It's your right, but, pls don't do it in a way which may sound accusing to her. You have no proof she is doing this. I take pics all the time like the others have said. In fact I once gave MB 6 cds which holds 250 pics each, of the children (reminds me I need to do some more). Have even been the photographer at the christening of the youngest and numerous parties. None of my pics go on FB. I even ask permission from my nephew and his partner if I can put their baby on.

Out of curiosity, is she OFSTED registered?

They require you to have written permission from employers to take pics.

lesstalkmoreaction · 23/10/2011 17:11

Perhaps you feel as though your families privacy is being compromised, I can understand that you wouldn't want your nanny sharing the photos with anyone else. Why not buy her a cheap camera that she can use and they can be uploaded to your own laptop at the same time asking her not to use her phone camera.

nannynick · 23/10/2011 17:11

Not seen anything in the nanny registration forms about Ofsted wanting there to be written concent for a nanny to take picture. It's nothing to do with Ofsted, it's between the employer and their employee. Maybe you are confusing things with nursery/childminders which Ofsted regulate. Ofsted don't regulate nannies, they only register them and check a few basic things.

OP I would have thought you would want the pictures to leave their phone. Such as being uploaded to a secure photo sharing system, so that you and your nanny have access but no one else.

MogandMe · 23/10/2011 17:18

I didn't know that MagicOC

I am a nanny and constantly take photos of what we get upto - and in fact my charge will often ask me to take a photo even if it's just him sat on the swing etc!

I also have lots of little films of him again doing simple things like puddle jumping, painting, singing that I have compiled into a dvd for my boss.

I spend 60 hours a week with my charge and I am aware I see things that my boss misses out on - birthday parties, cooking cakes, climbing trees, first trip to the seaside/somewhere new. So I film videos / I take photos and my boss then has photos to look back at as he grows at just how he has changed.

I also have a board of photos of my friends children on my wardrobe at work - they are children I love and spend time with and have seen grow - I am also a keen photographer so often like a certain way I've taken the photo etc.

I would never put my charges photos on facebook (as he's not my child!!) but I do :
upload them to a photo printers to print (boss doesn't seem to have an issue with this)
email photos to my boss and the grandparents
put photos of my friends children but with permission.

If she took the photos on a family camera would you be happier? :)

Original poster

gobblygook · 23/10/2011 17:28

I will obviously not be accustory. I have no wish to make her feel uncomfortable in any way. I love how she loves my DS - but I don't really want photos of him shared with anyone else other than between us (her and our family). I suppose her taking them on her phone prohibits me knowing this for sure so maybe I need to suggest our camera. But I'm sure she also show her partner who we've met and really like, and i don't want to make her feel she can't share

OP posts:

eurycantha · 23/10/2011 18:23

I have always taken photos of the children i have looked after .My employers have loved looking at photos of their children doing new activities ,first football lessons,first time on the high beam,Fancy dress outfits things like that ,every so often I give the camera to my boss and she downloads the photos of the children.There is also a camera at school whiich I can take out on activities ,I use it at music recitals and assemblys and sports days that the parents may be unable to get to.I do not post any photos any where and actually only show photos to their grandparents and my mother who likes to see what they have been doing.I think you should provide a camera at work that your nanny can use you will really enjoy seeing all the activities your child has been doing and that you may have had to miss.

pecanpie · 23/10/2011 18:39

My nanny DID post pictures of DDs on facebook. She has over 1000 'friends' and belonged to a number of groups I considered to be quite dodgy - frankly inappropriate no matter how good the relationship.

You can be clear that you like that she takes photos so you can see what DCs are getting upto and you really appreciate it, but that there are certain places where it's not appropriate for her to use the pictures - i.e. any social media (and perhaps that you're certain she'd never even consider e.g. posting on facebook).

I really recommend that you do this because once they are out there, it's a lot more difficult to get images removed.

RitaMorgan · 23/10/2011 18:56

Asking her not to put them up on Facebook/Twitter etc is perfectly reasonable.

Seems odd to me that you wouldn't want her to take photos to keep for herself though - she has looked after your baby for 5 months, she probably loves him! I have lots of photos of my old charges still.

magicOC · 23/10/2011 18:56

Nick, when I done the MNT course they told us we HAD to get written permission (they knew we were doing the Nanny voluntary register not CM).Has that changed then?

Personally I think it's only right. Saves confusion later on I suppose.

magicOC · 23/10/2011 18:59

Rita, I have old pics too. Frightening when you look back at yourself 20+ years ago

I actually have 4 ex-charges pics on FB, as they are now adults and have added me as a FB friend. God i'm getting old

eurycantha · 23/10/2011 19:01

Oops Camera at home not School.

TheOriginalFAB · 23/10/2011 19:06

Are you uncomfortable with the fact that your nanny clearly cares a lot for your son and you would prefer things to be more professional in that none emotional attachment?

I think it is fine to ask your nanny not to upload photos on to FB or the like but be prepared for her to feel very upset and like you don't trust her.

I used to be a nanny and also had friends take photos of my children for themselves.

You need to think about why this is such an issue for you as your nanny has done nothing wrong and it is your problem, not hers.

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