Strongly suspect CM is mistreating DD - views please

[Lasvegas]

DD has been with CM since 16 months old and no problems. CM was recommended by a mum who had used her exclusively until her DD went to School.

DD will be three in 4 weeks time and is incredibly articulate and has great memory

6 months ago when DD was 2.6 she started role playing with her dolls saying open your fucking legs (when putting on nappy) and eat your fucking dinner (when feeding them). After weeks of gentle probing we were pretty sure that DD had over heard CM saying it to a baby in her charge not actually to DD.

A couple of weeks ago DD hit head on basin at home. We always say nasty basin (or whatever she bumped into) and hit it. This time she said naughty fucker to the sink. I chatted with her and transpired CM partner says this to her or she over hears him saying it to other kids.

Last night DD told Au pair when she collected her and me as soon as I got home, that CM had hit her cheek and pinched her neck. She hit her own cheek to demonstrate. I asked her why CM was nasty to her she said she had chips and Pizza and there was no ketchup.

I believe that DD is telling truth although she is very young. What do you think? DD is too young to lie in my view so these things must be happening.

In CM deffense - DD has no bruises, parents of other mindees have used her long term and sent siblings to her.

I would have her out of there pdq.

i had a really bad experience with a CM. some may say this is overreacting but im sorry, i would not take my child back to the this CM and i would report to Ofsted immediately, perhaps even the police

"open your fucking legs"????????????????

I think im going to cry or be sick

i would ask cm if she has been to toddler groups or anything where dd could have heard this and judge her reaction. i dont think dd would be lying at that age either

Just because your DD has no bruises doesn't mean she's not being mistreated.

Take her out, pdq. And then discuss it with CM.

Your DD's heard this language somewhere and if you know the only place it could be from is the CM, then the CM shouldn't be looking after children.

Is she there now?

Message withdrawn

omg lasvegas - the language alone would make me run a mile. IMO, people who have no problem with using this sort of language in front of small children - and even when addressing them ( about the baby being sworn at) will have no natural barrier to hitting when they feel like it.

I would believe your dd, she's obviously not conjured up all those f-words herself, and regarding the assaults, she'd have to have seen someone model it really for her to then make it up that it happened to her. Does she often make up stories? Children vary so much, my daughter never really made up anything like this, whereas I was nursery's greatest fibber apparently.

If this were my child she'd be out of there like a shot, and I'd be reporting her to whoever she needed reporting her as soon as I could.

Feel very sad about this. Discuss with cm, but tbh I think you should remove dd, dd's account definitely has the ring of truth to it and it's not worth taking chances.

Get her out now!!!!
I wouldn't need anyone else opinions.
Get onto OFSTED and create merry hell.

OMG get her out today and NEVER send her back

report it to ofstead and do best to ensure this child minder never gets any more children to look after again!"

Thats my opinion

it seems pretty clear that she is pickign up the bad language from the cm's home. If you really belive that she is telling the truth about the pinched cheek then you need to remove her from there and inform offstead.

But I don't think that three is too young to lie, especally if she is very articulate. It seems a bit too coincidential that she comes out with that straight after the swearing. she might have worked out that talking about the cm is a great way to get attention. My dd lied once to the school about my dp for attention and caused no end of trouble, when she was attention seeking after the birth of my dts.

I think the best thing is for you to sit down and talk to the cm and then see where it goes from there. if she has a good record previously, and your dd is happy it would be a shame to rush into serious action if it wasn't necessary. The swearing on it's own might be easily resolved if the cm realised the children were pickign up on it and she faced gettign into trouble if it continued.

I would certainly take her out immediately until you can have a full discussion with the childminder. It sounds as though she's telling the truth - I would also be worried about the partner and his involvement with the children. The language would have been enough for me to be honest without the rest.

i think 3 is too young to lie

i wouldnt even talk to the cm about this, i would remove my child immediately and never send her back, making sure ofsted knew exactly what was wrong and then i might consider speaking to her (the cm)

i wouldnt doubt my child over something like this

its not worth it

as i say i had a terrible experience with a cm previously and i regret it

My feelings exactly puddle.

The language would have been enough for me too, and I wouldn't have left it 6 months either. "Open your f*cking legs" is unnecessarily aggressive when changing a baby's nappy and it would worry me that if her nappy changing is so aggressive, other things would be aggressive too.

I think you have grounds for serious alarm.

I don't actually think your DD is too young to pass 'imagined' things on, or to elaborate on deatails - say things have happened to her when they have happemned to someone else. My Ds has domne that a lot. BUT she is clearly hearing this horrible swearing at herself and other children, and it is highly likely that she or another child has ben pinched or hit a bit. Does the CM have a child of her own?

Either way, it is completely unnacceptable. It sounds as if the CM partner is doing the swearing - why should he be having contact with the children?

Very worrying, Lasvegas - sorry you are facing this, but serious q's need to be asked, don't they?

Does your DD resist going there?

If the CM was feeding crap food, I'd sit down and talk to her....
If the CM was sitting my child in front of the tv for hours on end, I'd sit down and talk to her....
If the CM was doing any of these relatively minor things, I'd sit down and talk to her.

I think this behaviour is truly abhorrent. There would would be no conversation frankly - I would be hotfooting it there immediately to remove my child without explanation. They would then hear from the authorities.

ds told me when he was 2.5 that his CM had smacked his hand when he would not wash his hands.
Someone else had also seen this but had decided in their infinite wisdom not to tell me.
I nearly beat her up myself but figured ummm nope.
So sacked her - reported her and got her struck off and police cautioned
This was in NZ nearly a decade ago.
It caused me to have to quit university.
I knew my son and he was and still is very honest, I am always on his side for stuff like this.
Get DD out, and ring up your council (or whoever licenses the CM) and explain the circs and ask for an investigation.
Open your fucking legs is something I once heard while being raped so it sends MASSIVE chills down my spine

fistybit agree
i woulc be round there like a flash
and report her to authorities

Nailpoish - my DS told DP that his nursery teacher had found nits in his hair. Even described them, and how many had been found. Complete fabrication, he did not have nits, and nursery teacher has never mentioned them in any context whatsoever.

But I don't think this detracts from the fatc that LasVegas has a problem.

God, Piffle, the last line of your post sent chills through me